Posted on 11/17/2002 11:43:07 PM PST by 68-69TonkinGulfYachtClub
Military Jokes & Humor
Camouflage Uniform Wear Policies
MARINES: Work uniform, to be worn only during training and in field situations.
ARMY: Will wear it anytime, anywhere.
NAVY: Will not wear camouflage uniforms, they do not camouflage you on a ship.
(Ship Captains will make every effort to attempt to explain this to sailors.)
AIR FORCE: Will defeat the purpose of camouflage uniforms by putting blue and silver chevrons
and colorful squadron patches all over them.
An Army General, a Marine General and a Navy Admiral are all sitting around discussing whose's service is better and whose troops are the bravest?
The Admiral (well into his second or third ice tea) announces to the group, " My SEALS are the BEST in the world and to prove it I'll have one do the impossiple" as he raeches for the phone.
Well the other two commanders are in an uproar and each one promply calls for his best soldier.
When all three representives have arrived, the Admiral states "Since it was my idea, I'm first" and turning to the SEAL, he says " I want you to go down that cliff, swim across those 10 miles of shark infested waters, climb up that shear cliff and return with with 2 bird eggs... unbroken of course.".
The SEAL (being the highly trained soldier that he is) turned runnig towards the cliff. After performing a triple-linddy into the water, the SEAL swam across the 10 miles (all the while beating off sharks with his bare hands) and reaching the far cliff, he began climbing. Near the top of the cliff, he grabs the two eggs and starts back down (all the time, fighting off mean birds). Upon reaching the sea he swims back across (once again fighting off sharks) and climbs back up the first cliff. He then runs back over to the Admiral and hands him the 2 unbroken eggs.
The Marine General says "that wasn't nothing," and turning to the Force Recon Marine he says " I want you to go down that cliff, swim across those waters, climb that other cliff,then move across the 4 miles of unmapped jungle and bring me back 2 eggs from the mountain on the other side of the jungle."
And with that the Force Recon moved-out. Traveling down the cliff, swimming across the sea, climbing the far cliff, moving through the jungle and upon reaching the 2 eggs, he heads back (all the while fighting off lions, tigers, bears, sharks, and mean birds). Finally reaching the General, the Marine hands him the eggs.
The Army General then says "Very nice gentlemen, but heres true bravery" and turning towards his BEST (an Airborne Infantryman), he says "I want you to go down that cliff, across that sea, up the far cliff, thru the 4 miles of unmapped jungle, over the mountain and bring me back 2 eggs from the forest on the other side."
The Paratrooper looks at the General, then the cliff, and again back to the General, where he says "SCREW YOU SIR!", renders a proper hand salute and walks away.
The General turn towards the other two (both with their jaws on the table) and says
"Now gentlemen, thats BRAVERY."
those are each TRUE!
free dixie,sw
LOL! OK, leadpenny, will the Marines respond. Too funny and thanks.
Misty monitor alert. Thank you, ms feather, for this beautiful posting.
Hope all is well with you
Good day Aeronaut and Otto. Thanks guys for your faithful daily flyover of protection.
You wouldn't believe the messages and pings I've been getting with aplologies for the ORGANIZED treatment doled out for thinking outside the box and being critical of some of the operations of the Canteen since late last spring.
I gotta tell ya, man, the treatment I received in the sixties while serving and when I got out was a cakewalk compared to the attacks that have taken place over the last 8-9 months - starting from the top down.
To all who expressed apologies, I thank you.
Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"
Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?" "Osama Bin Laden," she says. "Why Osama Bin Laden," her father asks in shock. "Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore." Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with newfound pride.
"Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."
"I know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, Army Rangers could blow his butt off."
I'm having some difficulty keeping up... is there a new canteen each am? And if so, when do we traditionally say Good Morning? I am a new FReeper and after I saw the canteen t'other day, I just want to scan, see what our services have to say, and toss in an irreverent comment or two. I appreciate the work you put into this post, since I see your moniker on so much of it and I have read how you moderate them all. If it helps for our folk in uniform out there, a whole lot of us day-to-day citizen types who look around and just say, "thank God for our guys and gals in uniform who do so much more than we can!"
Tom and Lily
Pope John Paul dies of old age and finds himself at the gates of Heaven at 0300. He knocks on the gate and a very sleepy-eyed Navy Chief opens the gate and asks, "Wadda you want?" "I'm the recently deceased Pope and have done 63 years of godly works and thought I should check in here."
The watchman checks his clipboard and says, "I ain't got no orders for you here, just bring your stuff and we'll sort this out in the morning."
They go to an old W.W.II receiving barracks, 3rd deck, open squad bay. All the bottom racks are taken and all empty lockers have no doors. The Pope stows his gear under a rack and climbs into an upper bunk. The next morning he awakens to sounds of cheering and clapping. He goes to the window and sees a flashy Jaguar convertible parading down the clouds from the golden headquarters building. The cloud walks are lined with saints and angels cheering and tossing confetti. In the back seat of the Jaguar sits a Marine First Sergeant in dress blues, his Gold Parachute Wings glistening on his chest, a cigar in his mouth, a bottle of San Miguel in one hand, and his other arm around a voluptuous blonde Angel with a magnificent halo.
This disturbs the Pope and he runs downstairs to the Master-at-Arms shack and says, "Hey, what gives? You put me, the Pope, with 63 years of godly deeds, in an open bay barracks, while this Marine who must've committed every sin known and unknown to man is staying in a mansion on the hill and getting a hero's welcome. How can this be?
The Master at Arms calmly looks up and says, "We get a Pope up here every 40 or 50 years, but we ain't never had a Marine First Sergeant before."
I will never forget the day we hit the beach in the Shetland Islands in 78. We were onboard the LaMoure County, LST 1194.
We were inbad weather for the last 2 weeks, rockin and rolling all over the place, and we were so glad to get ashore!
Up at about 5 or so, embarked on a landing craft, a mid size one, we set out for the beach on the Ura Firth.
We set up on a mountain of peat, you cant see it from this pic, but we set up our radios and waited for the ships to give us control of the skies. (I was an Air Controller, MOS 7242, an Air Winger that went out in the field for EVERY grunt operation...but we slept in shelter halves or GP tents, not holes.)
So anways, after we set up our stuff, we were standing around waiting for the word to start operating, and we all were rocking back and forth just like we were on the boat!
No Kidding, all 8 or 9 of us standing there, swaying back and forth just like on the LST, as if the waves were rocking us, only we were on land!
It was late September or so, about 40°, raininng, and windy, about 10 - 20 MPH winds. Miserable weather.
We operated for about 18 hours, till midninght or so, when we got the word to break camp and head back to the ship. It was welcome news!
We broke camp, packed up, got on the landing craft, and then headed to the ship, to find out the waves were too big to let us marry up to the boat! In the landing craft, we were in swells that brought us higher than the deck of the LST at the crest of the wave!
The ship had to head into the inlet, the URa Firth, to let us marry up and get back on the ship.
I will never forget how we were so eager to get off the boat 24 hours before, and so eager and happy to get back on the boat again 24 hours later!
Those poles you see are frame sections for our frame tent that we humped up the hill to the top of the peat bog, about a 2.5 mile walk at most, full pack,no rifles!, just frame sections.
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