Man Dying of Child Support Enforcement

Mens News Daily ^ | May 30, 2003 | Roger F. Gay

[Dark Knight]

Thank you so much for that reply. I have been flamed for even saying things approaching it.

It is a problem. I did not pick 30% out of the blue. A blood test study did. I was shocked. I was even more shocked when I found that most states only allow a challenge to paternity within a certain time period, even if the fraud was committed on the named father.

Immagine a horrendous divorce, wife gets kids and child support and immediately marries or shacks up with the guy she's been cuckholding. Guy discovers that the kids are really her new boyfriend's, just made during their marriage.

Destroyed, shocked, humiliated, and now he finds out that the kids are legally his, because the law says even if you know they are not your children, children concieved during marriage are legally those of the married couple. If you don't make a timely challenge, the psuedo father is humiliated once again.

He gets nothing. He's not the father in manner or deed. The only thing he gets is the title of cuckhold and bill payer. What a prospect?

This is not a good system, not fair, not equitable, and not moral.

That's why some of the good guys are pissed.

Don't ask them for more.


DK

[chiromommy]

Just wanted to personally tell you that you are most definitely not in the definition of deadbeat and I apologize if I offended you. I define a deadbeat as someone who has no regard for their children, either physically, emotionally, or financially. This would obviously include any mothers who don't do the right thing, not just fathers, and not just on the money issue. I have no interest in doing the serious stats like you urged, I have plenty of personal experience in this area, thus the comments earlier. I know lots of divorced moms with similar experiences. I wish our situations weren't the norm, but it certainly seems that way. I know good dads exist, but I can only think of two that I know personally. That says a lot. I don't think I could stomach researching something that hits so close to home. I don't know how your situation ended up the way it was, but it's just more proof that the Family Court system works for no one. Least of all the children. That's why I tell all of my married friends to avoid getting divorced AT ALL COSTS, it's worse for everyone than they could ever imagine.

[sheikdetailfeather]

Any woman who leaves her husband, takes most of what he has and then turns his children against him is not human and only deserves contempt to the max.

[Go Gordon]

Thats the plan. Thanks for the re-assurance. I'm tempted to bail, but knowing that I'll be bailing be on my son as well, I'll hang for three more. Thanks again for the sanity check.

[sweetliberty]

It is a charged issue without a doubt and everyone who has had any experience with it is going to have a strong reaction. Actually, that situation you described could work the other way as well. Hear me out. This is a situation I was very close to. The girl gets pregnant. The boy is a complete loser and troublemaker. Girl dumps boy. Gets new boyfriend. New boyfriend is a good guy. They want to get married. He wants to be the baby's dad. He is willing to make that commitment. If they marry before the baby is born, the law protects him as the rightful father by his simple declaration of paternity. They don't get married though, until after the baby is born. He still files a declaration of paternity and gives the baby his name. A few months later, useless sperm donor shows up and wants to make trouble. He has no real desire to be a part of the child's life or to support the child. It is more like, "if I can't be in control, neither can you." Baby gets caught in the middle and it's a real mess.

Okay, I realize that perhaps that's the exception, but I throw it out there just to point out that these issues are rarely ever black and white.

[Dark Knight]

I have no objections to anyone that wants to take on that role without fraud. But the Adam Henry (AH for the radio challenged) is still the father.

Adoption is the proper route for a non father to gain parental rights. I know a guy whose wife was really trying to get him to adopt her kids, right prior to their divorce. So a guy has got to be really careful on these issues.

The other ways are just to easy to use for fraudelent purposes.

DK

You know that jerks like that make threads like this hard to discuss rationally!!!

[SauronOfMordor]

If you aren't willing to make the effort it takes to have a stable marriage, don't have kids. That goes for both sexes.

That's good that you include both sexes. Particularly since women initiate the overwhelming majority of divorces

[sweetliberty]

"perhaps someone should look into exactly why so many women feel that they are unfulfilled."

Perhaps I'm oversimplifying here, but I suspect that it is because they have been indoctrinated from Sesame Street on that women must have all, be all, do all and that being fulfilled by a husband and children is an antiquated notion. Just like the unrealistic body image that is projected by media, the image of a "fulfilled" woman that is portrayed by media, feminists, and even "educators" is not only unrealistic, but, in most cases, downright false, and yet if something is so prevalent it must the truth, right?

[dozer7]

"I have no sympathy for dead beat parents."

And these dead beats have a profile. Might you share it with us? Is it only money or would it include alienating the other parent or just grinding them down to the stonage or homelessness.

regards

[sourcery]

Oh yeah women who file for divorce file for absolutely no good reason. They're all trying to bankrupt the ex because they're gold diggers. Yeah right!

Nowhere have I said that all women are always at fault. Nor did the article imply any such thing. So, for the record, my belief is that in most cases both parties share blame, although usually not equally. I don't think there is any justification for placing blame predomininantly on persons of either gender. In fact, that's my problem with the current system: men are presumed guilty unless they can show the woman is a real loser.

If you don't want to take the risk. Don't marry don't have children. Nothing in life is risk free.

Actually, I have never married and have no children. And I doubt I ever will, given the way things are in this society. Risk is one thing. Risks unfairly placed on the innocent is another.

I don't think men understand what it's like to be a female. If men think they have it hard. Women have it 10 times harder.

Two wrongs don't make a right. It's morally wrong to try to compensate for whatever wrongs and indignities that women may suffer by blindly hurting innocent men. Only individuals have guilt or innocence. Only individuals have rights and responsibilities. It's the socialists who think otherwise.

[dozer7]

"Sounds to me like you think the man has no choice. He is ruled by his hormones and therefore cannot make a choice. That is BS.
It may not be an easy choice, but if a man wants to avoid responsibility for unwanted children then he needs to make the choice to
keep it in his pants. And the best part, it is 100% fool proof."

Ever thought about keeping your gash covered. Your zipper should work just like mine. Part A cannot meet part B without your acceptance. Take some responsibility for your lack of zipper action and then allow us guys to take responsibility. Most of the guys I know would raise that kid once you pop them out.

[Pukin Dog]

I'm a year older than you, never married. I'm a recently retired Navy Officer, who thanks his stars every day that I did not settle down. If you are open to advice, I would first advise that you NOT write your wife a note. I have watched a few men do this, only to have it returned with Divorce filing papers when we were out at sea and there was nothing they could do about it.

If you want to eventually have a life, you are going to have to wait until your soby any mond 21 years of age to do so. You must avoid the courts by any means nessesary, except of course killing your wife. What you need to do, is mentally divorce yourself from the situation and do NOTHING to exascerbate things.

I would strongly suggest you take up Golf, or something that can keep you out of the house for long periods of time. Avoid sex with your wife, as it can be used against you in ways you cannot even imagine. Believe me; after living half of my life on Carriers, I have heard everything.

Even if your wife were to have an affair, you can do nothing. Just separate yourself mentally, and bide your time, until your son is gone from the home. Alimony is much more reasonable with grown, independant children, even if your wife doesn't work.

Women are not stupid; you cannot do anything that a lawyer could use against you down the road. Play a role of loving husband and father, dont complain about anything. Once you get into the court system, you can kiss your ass goodbye; even if you think it's worth it. Nothing is sadder than seeing a tough fighter jock reduced to tears in the ready room upon reading that his wife's boyfriend has moved into his home, and he has nowhere to come back to.

Keep the conversation to a minimum, smile, and wait a few years to make your move. With a minor child in your home, your wife can legally make the rest of your life a living hell. Good luck.

[SauronOfMordor]

Oh yeah women who file for divorce file for absolutely no good reason. They're all trying to bankrupt the ex because they're gold diggers. Yeah right!

The facts of life are that women initiate 90% of divorces, of the 50% of marriages that end in divorce. Shall we assume that in 90% of cases the man is an evil beast, or shall we assume that, with the deck stacked against the male so much, the woman HAS NO INCENTIVE to work to make the marriage work?

[sweetliberty]

I agree that adoption is the best route, but in the situation that I mentioned, when sperm donor showed up he was determined NOT to allow that, although he himself wanted no part of the responsibility. This was several years ago and the battle is still going on and sperm donor has not contributed one penny to child's support while the "dad" has spared no expense to parent this child.

There are often so many variables with these issues and every case is unique. Sadly, our country has become overrun with people without conscience run amuck, and unfortunately they are breeding. There is a reason that God's law reserves sex for marriage. It isn't to spoil our fun; it is to protect the hearts of those involved. It is to allow us to be free to be the best that we can be. It is to provide a garden in which individuals can grow and thrive. Without that, lives are in a constant state of limbo. There is no stability in the relationship between man and woman or between parent and child nor is there security for either. I fear it will get worse before it gets better.

[sweetliberty]

Obviously you have not read all of my posts. I said, several times in fact, that BOTH have responsibility.

[gcruse]

To me, a dead beat is someone who can, even though it may be a big sacrifice, pay their kid's support, yet they don't.

[SauronOfMordor]

In my instance, the wife is a totally different person than the one I married. We've been married for 17 years, and my son (biological) is 15. I've basically hung in there the last few years for his sake. I have a great relationship with him, but not her. I've been weighing whether or not to leave, but for my son's sake, I've stayed. ... So, I'm 43 and looking at being miserable the rest of my life under the current situation.

Your son is 15. On his 18th birthday, you and he move out, and file for divorce. No child support, since he's an adult living with you. You'll be 46, which is not that old. Hang in there!

[Quick1]

Confucious also say: "Don't be a fool, wrap your tool" Somewhere, the world's smallest violin is playing the world's saddest song, just for these poor, poor deadbeat dads.

[BOOTSTICK]

Outside of the institution of marrage, men who are legally banned from the decision of wheather a woman gives birth to HIS unborn offspring, should not have to pay for HER decision. Many women get pregant have a baby, and WALK AWAY FROM THEIR PARENTAL RESPONSABILITY by dumping the child at a hospital, or by giving the baby up for adoption. Therefore , outside of the marrage contract, men who don't get a say, shoud'nt have to pay.