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06-23-03...Military Monday |
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 1) Click on the graphic to open the Calendar. |
Posted on 06/27/2003 5:28:22 AM PDT by Mama_Bear
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06-23-03...Military Monday |
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1) Click on the graphic to open the Calendar. |
LOL
Coincidentally, by chance, while checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new bibles that had never been opened and distributed. So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be willing to sell the bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the church.
Peter, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task.
The reverend knew that Peter and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some bibles but he had serious doubts about Louie. Louie was just a little local farmer, who had always tended to keep to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment. Poor little Louis stuttered very badly.. But, not wanting to discourage poor Louis, the reverend decided to let him try anyway.
He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked with bibles and asked them to meet with him and report the results of their door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday which they did.
Eager to find out how successful they were, the reverend immediately asked Peter, "Well, Peter, how did you make out selling our bibles last week?"
Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Peter replied, "Reverend, using my sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 bibles, and here's the 200 dollars I collected on behalf of the church."
"Fine job, Peter!" The reverend said, vigorously shaking his hand. "You are indeed a fine salesman and the Church is indebted to you."
Turning to Paul, he asked "And Paul, how many bibles did you manage to sell for the church last week?"
Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied, "Reverend, I am a professional salesman and was happy to give the church the benefit of my sales expertise. Last week I sold 28 bibles on behalf of the church, and here's 280 dollars I collected."
The reverend responded, "That's absolutely splendid, Paul. You are truly a professional salesman and the church is also indebted to you."
Apprehensively, the reverend turned to little Louie and said, "And Louie, did you manage to sell any bibles last week?" Louie silently offered the reverend a large envelope. The reverend opened it and counted the contents.. "What is this?" the reverend exclaimed. "Louie, there's 3200 dollars in here!
Are you suggesting that you sold 320 bibles for the church, door to door, in just one week?
Louie just nodded.
That's impossible!" both Peter and Paul said in unison. "We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many bibles as we could."
"Yes, this does seem unlikely," the reverend agreed. "I think you'd better explain how you managed to do accomplish this, Louie."
Louie shrugged. "I-I-I- re-re-really do-do-don't kn-kn-know f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure," he stammered.
Impatiently, Peter interrupted. "For crying out loud, Louie, just tell us what you said to them when they answered the door!"
"A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was," Louis replied, "W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-b-bible f-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks ---o-o-o-or--- wo-wo-would yo-you j-j-j-just l-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and r-r-r-r-r-read it t-to y-y-you?"
The following questions and answers were collated from SAT tests given in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16-year-old students!
(Don't laugh too hard - one of these may be the president someday.)
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q; Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.
Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport
Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.
Q: What's a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U.
Here is what I've been waitin' for today !!:http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/936952/posts?page=4#4
Mallard sentenced to 60 years06/27/2003
Jurors have unanimously sentenced Chante Mallard to 50 years for murdering Gregory Biggs, and 10 years for tampering with evidence.
Prosecutors portrayed convicted murderer Chante Mallard on Friday as a cold and remorseless person for whom the death of Gregory Biggs was “simply a bump in the road of her life.”
Addressing the jury in the punishment phase of Ms. Mallard’s murder trial, prosecutors urged jurors to sentence Ms. Mallard to life in prison for striking Mr. Biggs with her car and leaving him to bleed to death in her windshield.
“Some people lack the moral fiber to do the right thing,” lead prosecutor Richard Alpert said. “You know what any decent person with a shred of dignity would do. They would have called for help.”
But defense attorneys asked the jury for “justice tempered with mercy” in deciding Ms. Mallard’s fate.
Defense attorney Jeffrey Kearney said Ms. Mallard felt “true and honest and heart-felt remorse.” He reminded jurors that she did not ask to be put on probation for her actions on the night Mr. Biggs died, but to be sent to prison.
“She said, ‘I deserve it,’” he said.
The seven-man, five-woman jury began deliberating punishment at 3 p.m. Friday. It has a wide range of options in sentencing Ms. Mallard, from probation to life in prison.
Mr. Kearney said jurors should show mercy because Ms. Mallard had never been charged with a crime before she hit Mr. Biggs, and now only wishes to have a chance at a future.
“It didn’t happen because she’s an evil, horrible person,” Mr. Kearney said. “What she did is horrible, but she is not a horrible person. There is a lot of good here.”
Click here for entire article (post #4)
Gregory Glenn Biggs
graduated from Evangel
Temple Christian School in
Grand Prairie in 1982.
Portrait taken of Biggs in 1988.
Chante Mallard
Chante Mallard (left) is accused of striking
Gregory Biggs with her car and leaving him
to die in the windshield.
Don't encourage her, Dub, you know not what you're letting yourself in for.
Right, Sis? LOL
Some really funny stuuf!
Thank you. I'll remember to get in touch with you when it's New Jersey's turn.
We do have some exceptionally good writers on this thread, but I'm sure not one of them. JohnHuang2, LadyX and jwfiv, Diver Dave and several others make me feel like a literary clod when it comes to putting sentences together. But, we all bring our unique talents to the Finest Thread....and that is a good thing. :-)
I know exactly what you mean. :-)
Q: What's a Hindu? A: It lays eggs
LOL
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