Gollum for Governor?

The Council of Elrond ^ | 8.8.03

[mhking]

In a press conference held earlier today in downtown Los Angeles, Gollum officially announced his candidacy in the upcoming California Governor Recall Election.

Gollum will be running for neither the Republican nor the Democratic party. He is the first recorded representative in any election for the ‘Precious Party’. Little is known about the Precious Party since its creation last spring. However this new party has quickly gained momentum and finds new party members by the hundreds. Gollum’s party support is seemingly enough as he was able to submit 5,472 signatures of California registered voters, while only 65 are required.

Surprisingly, Gollum was able to post the $3,500 filing fee due to his backer: George Lucas. When asked why he had decided to support Gollum in his candidacy, Lucas replied, “I was going to back Yoda but…well…he died.” When pressed further, Lucas stated, “I’ve got all this money and nothing to do. Plus the little guy is just so cute! And if Arnold and Gary Coleman have a chance, nothing is holding this guy down!”

So what does our new candidate have to say about his bid in the upcoming election? He proposes to rid California of “nasssty industrial factories” and return the area to its natural state, or a slightly altered version: swampland. He also proposes a new solution to the energy crisis that has plagued the state for some time: “When the yellow face goes down…nasssty lights stay off.” When the problem of the decreasing school budgets arose Gollum merely replied, “Teach them about fisssshesss…” In fact, Gollum would like to see California return to the bartering system, using fish as currency instead of dollars. Representatives of the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA) could not be reached for comment.

[mhking]

Why not? EVeryone else is running....

Just damn.

If you want on the new list, FReepmail me. This IS a high-volume PING list...

[RonDog]

The actual number keeps RISING, from www.kstp.com:

More than 125 on California ballot for governor
Updated: 08-09-2003 09:34:06 PM

LOS ANGELES (AP) - California voters would take away Gov. Gray Davis' job and give it to actor Arnold Schwarzenegger if the Oct. 7 recall election were held immediately, a poll found Saturday.

The Time/CNN poll, released on the last day for candidates to file to run in the election, found that 54 percent of voters would recall the Democratic governor and 35 percent would keep him in office. Eleven percent were not sure.

Of eight potential replacement candidates the poll mentioned, Schwarzenegger, a Republican, got support from 25 percent of respondents. Democratic Lt. Gov. Cruz Bustamante, with 15 percent support, was the only other replacement candidate in double digits. 

If Davis loses the recall, his replacement won't need a majority of the vote - just more than any of the more than the other
contenders who could end up on the ballot.

The poll, which was conducted Friday, found 9 percent support for state Sen. Tom McClintock, R-Thousand Oaks; 7 percent for GOP businessman Bill Simon, who lost to Davis in November; 4 percent for former baseball commissioner Peter Ueberroth; 4 percent for columnist Arianna Huffington; and 4 percent for Hustler publisher Larry Flynt.

Insurance Commissioner John Garamendi, a Democrat, was at 2 percent in the poll, but he dropped out of the race Saturday.

Twenty-three percent of voters were unsure who they would vote for.  The poll interviewed 508 registered voters and had a margin of sampling error of plus or minus 4.3 percent.

Pollsters also asked voters if they thought Schwarzenegger was capable of governing California. Forty-five percent said yes, 39 percent said no and 16 percent were not sure.

Only 29 percent of those surveyed approved of Davis' performance as governor. Sixty-three percent disapproved and 8 percent were not sure.

Voters were split on whether the recall is good or bad for California, with 47 percent saying it is good for the state and 46
percent saying it is not. A slim majority - 52 percent - said the recall does not make California look foolish to the rest of the country, while 42 percent said it does.

The poll reaffirmed the popularity of Democratic U.S. Sen. Dianne Feinstein, who decided against entering the race despite pressure from fellow lawmakers. If Feinstein had been in the running, 22 percent of those surveyed said they would choose her, compared to 20 percent for Schwarzenegger and 9 percent for Bustamante.

By the 5 p.m. Saturday deadline, more than 125 candidates had filed  A look at some names:
 
Democrats:
Lt. Gov. Cruz M. Bustamante
Hustler publisher Larry Flynt
Audie E. Bock, former state assemblywoman
Michael J. Wozniak, retired police officer who wants to legalize
ferrets as pets.
Georgy Russell, computer programmer with Web site where
supporters can buy thong underwear labeled "Georgy for Governor."
 
Republicans:
State Sen. Tom McClintock
Actor Arnold Schwarzenegger
Bill Simon, former gubernatorial candidate
Former baseball commissioner and Olympics chief Peter V.
Ueberroth
Michael Jackson, electrical engineer from Long Beach who hopes
famous name will "open the door" to a win.
 
Independents:
Actor Gary Coleman
Watermelon-smashing comedian Gallagher
Political commentator Arianna Huffington
Angelyne, buxom artist whose likeness appears on Los Angeles
area billboards.
B.E. Smith, medical marijuana activist who served two years in
prison for growing pot.
 
Green Party:
Peter Camejo, 2002 gubernatorial candidate
 
 Source: County registrar offices, secretary of state

[ChemistCat]

By the time they're done, two votes will be a landslide.

"MOM! Thanks for voting for me!"

"SON! You're welcome. If I'd gotten my filing fee in on time, it would have been another story!"

[WorkingClassFilth]

Hmmm...

A thieving liar. A reverted, deviant savage. A cold-blooded killer. A cannibal. An obsessive sociopath.

Sounds like Democratic candidate material to me.

[Alouette]

A thieving liar. A reverted, deviant savage. A cold-blooded killer. A cannibal. An obsessive sociopath.

You forgot: a computer-generated animation, not even a real live being.

[ohioWfan]

Smeagol in public, Gollum behind the scenes.......completely two-faced.......

He's pretending to be running for the Precious Party, but he's obviously really a RAT....... ;o)

[4mycountry]

Thanks for the humor, mhking. I've been stressed today, and a good laugh helps.

[WorkingClassFilth]

I also forgot 'sniveling, craven and boot-licking lackey.'

I think that covers most bases in a broad fashion.

[4mycountry]

LOTR ping!

[Leroy S. Mort]

Separated at Birth?

[Liberty Valance]

How about a cheeseburger instead of that moose sandwich?...
Shower time....

Liberty

[kcar]

ELF activists better not even think about giving this guy the finger. He'd probably say: "Yummy"!

[Paul Atreides]

I thought this was going to be a Kucinich thread. Then, I realized that he is Salacious Crumb.

[CARepubGal]

Somehow Gollum looks to my elvish eyes like a perfect Demoncat candidate. :-)

[Victoria Delsoul]

LOL, he is definitely cute.

[Jonah Hex]

"Gollum for Governor"

Hmmm, the phrase does have a certain ring to it!

[Jay D. Dyson]

I can't say I'd vote for him...but there appear to be a helluva lot of "conservatives" on FR who _would_ simply because Gollum has been in a high-grossing movie.

Forget about principles or values. That guy's got NAME RECOGNITION!

-Jay

[wysiwyg]

Has Frodo turned in his signatures and $3500 yet?

[kcar]

The third debate between "Nice" candidate Smeagle and the "Naassty" Gollum appeared to be deadlocked, with vague insinuations that an anonymous troll known as "Shelob" might be the final shadowy arbiter.