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Antichrist (you read it right) will be peace and prosperity on Earth
Weekly World News ^ | 9/8/2004 | Vincenzo Sardi

Posted on 12/08/2004 11:05:30 AM PST by Alex Murphy

Bible character's rise to power is nothing to fear, says expert

GOOD NEWS! Contrary to popular belief, the Antichrist dreaded by so many Christians will actually usher in a new era of peace and prosperity, a maverick theologian contends. "The Antichrist's rise to power is nothing to fear," declares Bible scholar Jon Hornsworth of Atlanta. "He will be a unifying figure whose sound policies revitalize the global economy and put an end to international conflict."

Most people familiar with End Times prophecies in the Book of Revelation assume the Antichrist will be an evil dictator. But that's dead wrong, the expert says. "Nowhere in the Bible is the word 'evil' used to describe the Antichrist," Hornsworth notes. "For that matter, 'Antichrist' isn't in there either -- the Bible calls him the Beast. That suggests a being like the one in the fairy tale Beauty and the Beast -- fearsome and misunderstood, but ultimately turning out to have a heart of gold. "I anticipate a figure like Julius Caesar -- a strong but fair leader. He'll impose stability over much of the world."

"Under his rule, we can expect to see expanded free trade, translating into job growth and an improved standard of living for Americans." As for the Antichrist's scary reputation, Hollywood shares much of the blame, Hornsworth points out. "You have movies like The Omen where the Antichrist is depicted as a creepy brat who murders people. Nothing like that is in the Good Book."

One of the most unsettling Antichrist prophecies concerns the Mark of the Beast. "He causes, all both small and great, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark on their right hand or on their forehead," the Bible states, adding that only those with the mark will be able to buy or sell. (Rev. 13: 16-17). Many modern Bible scholars believe this "mark" refers not to a physical brand but rather to an implantable microchip. Hornsworth agrees -- but argues that will be a good thing. "These chips will allow citizens to withdraw money from the bank, to purchase groceries and make other financial transactions without using cash," he explains. "Imagine the convenience and efficiency of that. Also, when scanned, your ID chip will provide 100 percent proof of who you are -- making identity theft a thing of the past. "The technology will also be used at security checkpoints, helping to defeat global terrorism."

Hornsworth has failed to convert many colleagues to the view that the Antichrist is a good guy. Says a skeptical Methodist minister: "I suppose next he's going to tell us that the Whore of Babylon won't be 'easy.' "


TOPICS: Current Events; Humor; Religion & Culture; Religion & Politics; Religion & Science
KEYWORDS: antichrist; armageddon; weeklyworldnews
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To: one of His mysterious ways
decieved

Do not be deceived.

21 posted on 12/08/2004 11:45:24 AM PST by RightWhale (Destroy the dark; restore the light)
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To: Alex Murphy

it'll probably seem really cool to a lot of people for a while...


22 posted on 12/08/2004 11:47:47 AM PST by the invisib1e hand (if a man lives long enough, he gets to see the same thing over and over.)
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To: RightWhale

So true, forgot how to spell; I got so worked up. lol


23 posted on 12/08/2004 11:47:50 AM PST by one of His mysterious ways
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To: one of His mysterious ways

Anyway, it isn't the Antichrist we need to worry about but what comes after.


24 posted on 12/08/2004 11:49:37 AM PST by RightWhale (Destroy the dark; restore the light)
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To: Future Snake Eater

I'd vote for Bat-boy over the hildebeeste, or Lyin' Biden, or chuck-the-schmuck schumer, or ...


25 posted on 12/08/2004 11:50:01 AM PST by ArrogantBustard (Western Civilisation is Aborting, Buggering, and Contracepting itself out of existence.)
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To: one of His mysterious ways

I agree with you. Many people will be deceived. People should also be more knowledgeable about the Bible. There are many false prophets masking themselves as religious leaders.

Everyone in the world wants "peace" so bad that they will wrap their arms around the Antichrist. It is sad, but true. People have an innate yearning for peace and equality. Many individuals are tired of war, pain, and suffering. However, everyone must realize that only God can offer peace and an end to all suffering, yet it is according to his perfect will and his terms. Governments, countries, and world leaders cannot bring about true "peace and equality". Also, when the resemblance of "peace" begins to develop on earth, Christians beware. Currently, the stage is being set.


26 posted on 12/08/2004 11:54:02 AM PST by happy_happy_joy_joy (True joy comes from within.....)
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To: RightWhale

Those that know the Truth need not fear ANY of it...


27 posted on 12/08/2004 11:54:32 AM PST by one of His mysterious ways
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To: Alex Murphy

OK. I'm sure we've all seen the Omen movies. In particular, I'm thinking of Omen III. So... who among us first saw Al Gore in the early '90's and *didn't* think, "Huh. Looks like Disney made an animatronic version of Damien Thorne."


28 posted on 12/08/2004 11:57:02 AM PST by orionblamblam
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To: happy_happy_joy_joy

That's how it will go down. We will finally achieve a celestial kingdom on earth, only to see it corrode and vanish. Now, that is vanity.


29 posted on 12/08/2004 11:57:08 AM PST by RightWhale (Destroy the dark; restore the light)
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To: one of His mysterious ways

Sure thing. Have a merry Christmas.


30 posted on 12/08/2004 11:58:25 AM PST by RightWhale (Destroy the dark; restore the light)
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To: Alex Murphy

> "These chips will allow citizens to withdraw money from the bank, to purchase groceries and make other financial transactions without using cash," he explains. "Imagine the convenience and efficiency of that.

Amazingly, I can already do that. It's called a "credit card." Somebody coems at me with a knife or a big-ass syringe to implant a chip is gonna have an agnostic's boot up his ass.

Also, when scanned, your ID chip will provide 100 percent proof of who you are -- making identity theft a thing of the past.

Horsepuckey. Two ways to defeat that:
1: Simply chop the target's hand off.
2: More cost effectively, simply rig up a sensitive and directional radio reciever, point it at a chip scanner, and read the data broadcast by the chip. Then write that onto a blank chip. Simple enough. If they use somethign other than radio... say, magnetic fields liek a credit card, it'll still be readable: simply swipe a regular scanner, amke it hand-held, put it in your pocket and ride the subway. At the end of the day, you'll have dozens of random signitures.


31 posted on 12/08/2004 12:03:57 PM PST by orionblamblam
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To: HarleyD

Check the Google link. There are only 2 hits and both are WWN. Maybe it's inmaginary degree to go with the author's imaginary friend Jon Hornsworth.


32 posted on 12/08/2004 12:15:04 PM PST by reaganaut (Red state girl in a Blue state world (Socialist Republic of California))
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To: orionblamblam

Damien Thorne was smarter than Algore.


33 posted on 12/08/2004 12:17:10 PM PST by reaganaut (Red state girl in a Blue state world (Socialist Republic of California))
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DON'T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT THE NEW ANTICHRIST DETECTOR!
New Antichrist detector will keep you safe for just 3 EZ payments of $19.95, say Japanese inventors
By KEVIN JONES

TOKYO - Scientists have invented a nifty new handheld device that promises to take the guesswork out of identifying the Antichrist!

The Antichrist Detector, as the high-tech gadget is called, can pinpoint evil Satan's earthly incarnation at up to 600 yards, according to the manufacturer, Sapporo Industries.

"The Antichrist may be the master of deception, but no matter what guise he chooses to adopt, this device will nail him instantly," says chief designer Dr. Noburu Kanazawa.

With world events spiraling out of control and corresponding to signs of the End Times foretold in the Holy Bible, more religious scholars than ever are now firmly convinced that the Apocalypse is just around the corner.

And they believe that in keeping with biblical prophecy, the Antichrist will soon attempt to seize power worldwide.

But fingering the master of disaster will be a cinch using the device, which employs an array of super-sensitive sensors to pick up what the inventors call "demonic energy."

"Our device is designed to pick up unusual wavelengths that would be inconsistent with an ordinary human being," Dr. Kanazawa explained.

"It is constantly monitoring the entire spectrum, from the most obscure microwave frequencies to cosmic radiation."

When the gizmo recognizes that Antichrist is in close proximity, an LED flashes a red warning light and an arrow points to the direction where he - or she - is standing.

Sapporo Industries says it will begin a massive marketing blitz in the United States by Thanksgiving, offering the detectors to all comers for three payments of $19.95 via TV infomercials.


34 posted on 12/08/2004 1:05:52 PM PST by Alex Murphy (Psalm 73)
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To: dfwgator
The anti-Christ is Bat Boy.

I think you may be on to something! But first, he has to be elected president...

35 posted on 12/08/2004 1:09:55 PM PST by Alex Murphy (Psalm 73)
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To: Alex Murphy
The Antichrist Detector, as the high-tech gadget is called, can pinpoint evil Satan's earthly incarnation at up to 600 yards, according to the manufacturer, Sapporo Industries.


36 posted on 12/08/2004 1:31:13 PM PST by ArrogantBustard (Western Civilisation is Aborting, Buggering, and Contracepting itself out of existence.)
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To: Jeremiah Jr; Lijahsbubbe; concretebob
GOOD NEWS! Contrary to popular belief, the Antichrist dreaded by so many Christians will actually usher in a new era of peace and prosperity, a maverick theologian contends.

Ahhh, Weekly World News... the hot sheets. The best investigative reporting on the planet!

Galatians 1:6 I marvel that ye are so soon removed from him that called you into the grace of Christ unto another gospel:

37 posted on 12/08/2004 2:36:26 PM PST by Thinkin' Gal
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To: Alex Murphy

Perhaps the original writer meant this as a satire, but as life is often stranger than fiction, the author has unintentionally written what those deceived by the Antichrist will say. And those deceived will believe in this wholeheartedly - just like the fact that many political liberals' fruitcake legislations were in fact conservative humour five years ago.

Just like what the Bible predicted - many will bow to the Antichrist when he comes.


38 posted on 12/08/2004 3:01:29 PM PST by NZerFromHK ("US libs...hypocritical, naive, pompous...if US falls it will be because of these" - Tao Kit (HK))
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To: Thinkin' Gal
Actually, that is precisely what is going to happen, which is why 2/3 of the Earth's population will be decieved.

The clue you need, to really know if it is the anti-christ, or the real Christ is simple

If you can still touch your keyboard, or see your house, it ain't Him.

Those lucky enough (or unlucky, depening upon your point of view) to be around for the actual touchdown of Christ on the Temple Mount, will be treated to a rush no drug can produce. The release from the physical body has got to be the ultimate high.
39 posted on 12/08/2004 4:08:28 PM PST by concretebob (Power perceived, is power achieved)
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To: Thinkin' Gal

40 posted on 12/08/2004 4:25:09 PM PST by concretebob (Power perceived, is power achieved)
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