Man raised from dead assaults miracle-worker

LarkNews ^ | 23 July 2006

[Gamecock]

LAGOS, Nigeria — A modern Lazarus miracle caused city-wide revival in this nation's capital city, but the man at the center of it is anything but happy.

"I'd like 15 minutes in a room with brass knuckles and that idiot Famuel," said David LaPonte, 43, the revived man. "I don't give a [care] about my witness."

Evangelist Nguno Famuel prayed over LaPonte's casket during a crusade meeting in mid-June. LaPonte had died from severe dysentery. Famuel thought LaPonte would rejoice at being revived, but he sat up and looked around and seemed crestfallen. His first words were, "What the ...? I'm back?" The crowd of thousands cheered and praised God, but LaPonte hopped out of the casket and demanded to know who'd raised him from the dead. Others pointed at Famuel, and the revived man began chasing him around, cursing and shouting threats until he was restrained.

He recounted how he'd been in a tunnel of light with relatives and angels all around him. At the end of the tunnel was Jesus, but before LaPonte reached him, he felt himself sucked back through the tunnel and into his body. He came to consciousness in the casket in a dirty tent meeting in Lagos.

LaPonte was taken home and pronounced healthy and well. Doctors revoked his death certificate. But three weeks later, he's still furious, despite the revival that resulted from the miracle. He says he's considered suicide. He cries "all night and all day," he says.

Famuel has tried to make amends, and invited LaPonte to take part in crusades so that "many more will be saved." LaPonte refuses. And he vows that if he ever encounters Famuel on a dark street he'll "beat the living {expletive} out of him." •

[Gamecock]

Well, it coulda happened.

[freedumb2003]

Now THERE is something you don't see every day!

[Uriah_lost]

I have no words....
I have no idea where to start....

[Candor7]

I am surprised anyone will speak yo the revived man. In Africa he would generally be considered a Zombie.

[AnnaZ]

Like Scrat at the end of Ice Age II.

[RandallFlagg]

LOL! Reminds me of an old Sam Kinison line:

"Jesus Christ was the only person that came back from the grave that didn't scare the **** out of everybody."

[Drew68]

LOL! Well, I'd be pretty pissed too if I went from Nigeria to Heaven and then back to Nigeria again!

[The Old Hoosier]

I'm really disappointed in you people. No one has managed to work in a Nigerian e-mail scam reference yet.

[Drew68]

From the same site:

Larry Flynt acquires Christian music labels in Zomba deal

At a news conference, Flynt joked about "cross promoting the products," running ads for Michael W. Smith in his flagship magazine, and including Hustler subscription information inside Christian CD's.

Pretty funny stuff! Great find!

[Grut]

Dear Sir or Madam:
I am a recently revived person living in Nigeria; while dead, I had a vision of a Swiss bank account number....

[FJ290]

The nerve! The ingrate, LOL!

Although, I have to admit that seeing Jesus and being surrounded by angels is a preferable place than where he was. He won't see that again though if he keeps wanting to beat people up and cursing them.

[Eastbound]

''E's not dead, e's only pinin' for the john.'

[muir_redwoods]

Sounds like oxygen-deprivation induced brain damage

[jocon307]

"He won't see that again though if he keeps wanting to beat people up and cursing them."

That's exactly what I was thinking!

[Jeff Head]

I am the revived man's executor and his sum of $55.000.000 (USD) was placed in my account as I tried to locate next of kin.

Now that he has been revived, HE wants it all back.

I am informed, and pardon me for any undue intrusion, that you are his only known relative, and if you would just get in touch with me, I can arrange for 10% of the total, that would be $5,000,000 (USD) to be deposited in your account as recompense for your holding the money until it can be completely liquidated.

[The Old Hoosier]

:-) Now that's more like it!

[Jeff Head]

When we talk, I assure you we will only have the best interest of the formerly deceased man's assetts in mind.

If you would just let us know the account number and routing number of your primary checking or savings, we can insure the most expeditious transfer of funds possible.

hehehe...

[GregB]

Ron White could do an hour on this.......

[StillProud2BeFree]

No no no no... My esteemed friend, Several weeks ago, I was experiencing a near death experience in Lago, Nigeria (you may have read about be being risen from the dead). While I was in this state, I secured untold riches. However, before I could enter the pearly gates with my fortune, I was rudely snatched back from the door of heaven. However, I was fortunately enough to have enough time to place my wealth in a bank account belong to , who was in good health when I was first called from this world. Imagine, my surprise to learn that had passed away leaving no living heirs. You can take it from there! LOL