Posted on 12/16/2011 8:51:18 AM PST by Alex Murphy
FOR those of you who don't know already, the tsunami that hit Japan in March was caused by a space-based earthquake weapon controlled by the CIA.
I learned this from an extremely long email I received recently from an anonymous gentleman with a fondness for block capitals and a disdain for conventional spelling who claimed that the American government has been behind every major earthquake and weather event of the last decade.
It wasn't clear from his message: a) What the Earth's natural tectonic forces had been up to in the meantime - presumably spying on the Russians - or b) What he wanted me to do about it, but I have to say that reading his email, I felt a pang of envy.
For the true conspiracist, there are no boring news stories. Wars, oil prices, Kennedy assassinations, all are the work of shadowy organizations. For some, apparently, even weather is the work of the powers that be ("Ten degrees and partially cloudy? What are those maniacs in Langley up to this time?")
One might imagine that these people live lonely lives, beset by helpless outrage, but I don't think that's true. I think they're happy as clams.
I know this because I met one.
When I was 16 years old, an otherwise normal-appearing family friend stopped by our house one day to say hello, and to inform us of an interesting piece of news. It turns out Michelangelo had painted the roof of Rome's Sistine Chapel, he said, in order to hide the fact that it was in fact made of solid gold. And not just humdrum run-of-the-mill solid gold, but manmade solid gold, in accordance with a formula developed by alchemists in the Renaissance and kept secret since then.
No one knew this, our friend said in all seriousness, except an elite few in the upper echelons of the Catholic Church and, it seemed, a guy in Comox he had bought a used box liner from that morning.
He wasn't able to explain how artificial gold was made, or why one of the few people in the world who knew the formula for limitless wealth still felt the need to list his box liner in the Buy Sell and Trade, but he believed the story 100 per cent.
My upstart 16-year-old self tried to highlight the logical flaws.
Pope: "OK, so here's the deal: We accidentally made this whole roof out of solid, manmade gold, and then suddenly realized that, in addition to the obvious structural issues, it's going to be super hard to keep it secret. Luckily and inexplicably, no one has noticed yet. What we need you to do is paint over it as quickly as possible so it stays that way. Only me, you, a few people in the Vatican, and some guy in Comox can ever know about it."
Michelangelo: "Sure thing. I can have it done in four years, tops."
Pope: "Perfect. Another seamless conspiracy."
Our friend couldn't be swayed. And looking at him bouncing on our doorstep, I kind of wished I could believe too. The knowledge that the entire global financial system hinged on a scam perpetrated by the leader of the Roman Catholic Church was clearly the best news he'd heard in weeks.
It makes me want my own conspiracy to believe in. As a journalist, I receive plenty of suggestions in my inbox, but I have yet to find one I can really buy into. It's frustrating.
I guess one strong contender is the climate scam. The idea is that all of the world's environmental advocates, the United Nations, the leaders of most countries and the 2,000 or so climate scientists who have spent decades churning out apparently irrefutable evidence to support the theory of global warming are basically all lying.
It's certainly a fun idea, but I get tripped up on the question of motive. What deep-pocketed lobby group is behind this conspiracy to make us more energy efficient? Big Bicycle? The sweater industry? Imagine that first meeting.
Nefarious climatologist: "Let's make up a giant thing about the earth going to be destroyed in order to force people to ride the bus! Ha ha." All other climatologists: "Yay!"
Big Double-glazing: "Man, we are going to take the world's people to the cleaners!"
Big Snorkel: "This is our hour!"
Big Oil: "Wait you guys! It's not right to lie. We're going to hire some unbiased scientists to prove you wrong."
Credulous media: "Booo! Lies are the best!"
General public: "Yeah, too late, Big Oil. Those climontogonists are right! We should all stop driving. Let's think about it vaguely on the way to work this morning!" Everyone's cars: "Vroom!"
It just doesn't sound realistic. Are climate scientists that evil? And who invites cars to a meeting?
The moon landing hoax is another good one. I guess in this case I can see the motive - pretending to go to the moon has got to be cheaper than forreal going to the moon - but then the execution makes me wonder. If you're going to make up a story that someone would have to go 300,000 kilometres to double-check, wouldn't you at least make it a little more interesting?
The Americans went all the way to the moon and found nothing. Neil Armstrong got there and he was like: "Look, there's some dust. That's not something you see every day." They went back five more times, and it never got any better.
If I were trying to put on a show to dazzle and dishearten the Soviet Union, I would have been like: "One small step for a man; one giant leap for - holy crap there are space gorillas up here! Buzz, get the death rays! Hey Russia, this is you. Zzzap!"
Abraham Lincoln: "Whoa. What's all the ruckus?'
Neil Armstrong: "Abraham Lincoln! What are you doing here?"
Abraham: "The moon is where famous people go when they die! Hand me one of those death rays. I'll help you with the gorillas."
Who's going to know, right?
I don't know. I'll work on it.
The Americans went all the way to the moon and found nothing. Neil Armstrong got there and he was like: "Look, there's some dust. That's not something you see every day." They went back five more times, and it never got any better.
If I were trying to put on a show to dazzle and dishearten the Soviet Union, I would have been like: "One small step for a man; one giant leap for - holy crap there are space gorillas up here! Buzz, get the death rays! Hey Russia, this is you. Zzzap!"
Abraham Lincoln: "Whoa. What's all the ruckus?'
Neil Armstrong: "Abraham Lincoln! What are you doing here?"
Abraham: "The moon is where famous people go when they die! Hand me one of those death rays. I'll help you with the gorillas."
The fool doesn't know a cypher when it's staring him in the face.
How about: “Pearl Harbor was an inside job with to get us involved in an ill-conceived war with Germany, which never attacked us, and wasting our oppotunities with the Japanese and as a result, we had to go nuclear on such a peaceful society.”
Oh good grief.
"Environmental advocates" are virtually by definition interested and involved in panicking people into action about 'climate change'. Expecting otherwise is like expecting some portion of Christian pastors to be atheists.
The 2000 scientists must also be balanced with other scientists that he omits, and he absurdly denies the open evidence of the Climategate emails showing that they themselves know they are overstating their case. And that's coming from the 'true believers.'
Likewise, the leaders of countries are not climatologists. Nor do they speak with one voice agreeing with this rather delusional author. To the extent they parrot what they are told by the global warming freakshow they add nothing to the evidence for their claims. Its the evidence that matters, not if you can persuade someone and get them to repeat a claim, good or bad.
Thank goodness it wasn’t fracking!
Unlike conspiracy nuts that have no evidence except anecdotal circumstantial evidence at best, we have the emails form the climate liars proving fraud and cover-up. Forget they fought for the emails not to be released. They were trying to jail the people who got the truth out. They knew what the result would be.
These people were making prognostications they wanted to make, and made the data and models fit their prognostications. It’s fraud. It’s lying. It’s not science. It’s totally the opposite. It’s promoting a lie, not discovering the truth.
Well we discovered the truth and the truth is climate change is not science. It’s a lie masquerading as science.
It’s an “end justifies the means” scam by people who think they know better and since the data didn’t back up their horrific claims, they fudge the data and models to make it appear it does.
Marion Barber going out of bounds to stop the clock, allowing Denver to tie the game and forcing overtime, then fumbling the ball in overtime, right when it looked like he was going to score the winning touchdown.
As much as I love what Tebow is doing, I must admit those two things would give conspiracy theorists a lot to chew on.
I firmly believe there is a conspiracy to suppress juicy conspiracy theories...
He just listed a string of corrupt institutions and groups that have been tainted by government money, no reason to do any investigative reporting or even read the released emails where they explain why they are lying.
Just sit there smugly in your ignorance Weldon.
My buddy believes the Pentagon was hit by a Soviet Cruise Missle on 9-11.
It takes about 12 beers before I decide enough is enough and start calling “ BULLS**T”.
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