Posted on 12/05/2013 7:24:51 AM PST by Alex Murphy
BOSTON (CAP) - Officials for the Catholic Archdiocese of Boston have announced plans to switch a number of area parishes from the centuries-old bland wheat flour-based communion wafers to a more contemporary wafer containing polyunsaturated fats and one of a handful of flavoring agents.
"Don't let it be said that the Catholic Church isn't a forward-thinking ecclesiastical entity," said Archbishop Sean Patrick O'Malley. "Whether we're the first internationally-renowned religion to openly cover-up clergy sex abuse scandals or the first to make Mass taste better, we always have our congregations' best interests in mind."
According to O'Malley, the first batch of new wafers will be made available in three flavors: chocolate, cinnamon, and Ritz. The plan is to taste test the varieties at some of the more tolerable parishes in the region, like throughout South Boston, and then expand the more successful kinds into other dioceses.
"Wow, Jesus never tasted so good," said 47-year-old Darren St. Clair, one of a dozen to participate in a focus group that helped to select the initial flavor offerings. "The only problem I see is that this could extend Mass when everybody starts going back for a second helping of the Lord."
The new wafer is the first part of a multi-year branding effort by the Catholic Church to try to inject some life into what many consider to be a stale, outdated religion. The endeavor, dubbed transsubflavorization by the United States Catholic Conference of Bishops, aims to double the membership in two-thirds of congregations within three years, and put the Church back on the path to profitability.
"We have been hurting in that coveted 24-39 demographic for a long time," said New York Archbishop Timothy Dolan. "Our goal is to take that holier-than-thou Christmas crowd and get them to show up in the dead of summer when we've got no particular focus and nothing new to say.
"We think programs like Sin-Free Sundays, Double Points Redemption Confessional, and the new Wii Mass will return Catholicism to the glory days of the Crusades," added Dolan.
Egan said Catholic leaders have a littany of other plans they hope to put in place over the course of time to both modernize and energize the religious experience. One forward-thinking concept, the often hotly-debated idea of anointing women as priests, would likely be implemented "only over my crucified body," said Dolan.
A waste of FR space and freepers' time.
Leni
"Wow, Jesus never tasted so good," said 47-year-old Darren St. Clair, one of a dozen to participate in a focus group that helped to select the initial flavor offerings...Is that Jesus I hear laughing? (No, I think it's someone else.)
I once attended a Nazarene Church and they served Saltines.
I agree about the flavoring making the host invalid. Is that correct or not, Alex?
Canon 924 makes it clear that for the Latin Rite, which covers all that the piece deals with, all that is involved as food is wheat (add water to make dough, flatten, and heat). The eastern rite does have slightly different standards on what is allowed—with the notable difference being yeast.
While there have been more precise definitions given, particularly of what constitutes wheat (much to Alex’s interest apparently), suffice it to say that messing around with this stuff is playing with fire, and literally trying to construct a Jesus that is more to one’s taste—perhaps an apt metaphor for those who have to rely on their own private judgment, and wittingly or not end up constructing a false god in their own image.
Protesters Question Clergyman’s Loyalty
At Archbishop Jose Gomez Residence
Dozens of protesters have shown up at Archbishop of Los Angelus Jose Gomez residence many carrying American flags and bearing signs questioning his loyalty to the US not Mexico along with many signs demanding equal rights for American citizens in Mexico.
The protest was apparently triggered by the clerics decision to push forward with his predecessors decision the disgraced Cardinal Mahoney with offering amnesty thus citizenship to Mexicans crossing the border illegally while thousands of Americans in Mexico suffer under 2nd class citizenship unable to own property and suffer indignitys let alone participate in Mexican elections while living there in Mexico.
A spokeswoman for the group, Harriet Hildegarden insisted her group consists of Catholics loyal to the church. “We will be protesting at other locations where prominent clergy of the church have sided with the Obama regime”Hildy” claims the church is supporting the democrat party which denied God at their convention and declared what she claims is war on the Catholics but would collude with i t on many issues including “amnesty” .
When asked if she may be denied communion for her activities her reply was “Well it’s been known that when that happens quicker when clerics get personally attacked than when some politican challanges the church on the grounds of faith and morals” . You didn’t hear much from them (the bishops) about the Gosnell baby murderer trial. Now that it’s winding up perhaps the bishops might call a “conference” next year but they sure acted swiftly when it comes to allowing this country resigning its sovereign rights new parishioners.
http://www.theusmat.com/natldesksatire.htm
Thanks for the warning. I missed it above.
Agree. Not funny. However, for those interested in different flavors of funny, here’s a distracting clip from AMC TV.
Madrigal Industries Taste Test: Behind the Scenes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vXT-g0bhwxg
It isn’t that I have no sense of humour—though Alex just doesn’t strike me as funny today, and the post is in poor taste.
If it was a Baptist satirizing his own denomination, I might consider something prolonged about the subject funny if well written etc. I have a variety of Baptist relatives and ancestors, and do know some good Baptist jokes received from those quarters. (Why are Baptists again sex? Because it might lead to dancing.) Otherwise, no.
That said, given what Alex declares himself in his tag line, and that some Catholics these days are very on edge, I think the post is more along the lines of taunting.
A few years ago, my diocesan newspaper ran an article on how the kids in one parish baked the communion "bread". They gave their "bread" recipe, which made something between a graham cracker and a gingersnap, but definitely was not valid matter for communion.
That was right after our new bishop had taken over. I think there were some memoranda and telephone calls after that. I haven't heard any more about graham-cracker communion "bread" since.
That's why it's called satire.
Calling reality “satire” doesn’t make it funny, sorry.
My favorite line in the entire article is this:
"The only problem I see is that this could extend Mass when everybody starts going back for a second helping of the Lord."I love the imagery of the bolded section. I would not have posted the article if that had not been in there.
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