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Apostle Peter Accused Of Holding Super Spreader Event On Day Of Pentecost (10/29/33 A.D.)
The Babylon Bee ^ | October 29, 33 A.D. | The Babylone Bee

Posted on 11/01/2020 5:50:31 PM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks

JERUSALEM—Authorities are investigating after witnesses accused a local religious nut named Simon Peter and several others of hosting an unauthorized super spreader event in an enclosed room in Jerusalem. Experts say the event, which was not authorized by the local Jewish or Roman authorities, may put everyone in the area at risk for infectious diseases such as leprosy.

"This is completely inexcusable," said local magistrate Biggus Tookus. "We have found that there were at least 11 people at this event. No one's address was recorded at the door and we don't know where they are now."

One medical expert named Luke is reporting that there's a new kind of infection spreading around the city which causes those infected to speak in multiple languages and manifest strange fiery marks above their heads. Local witnesses say this new infection has spread like wildfire ever since the super spreader event.

(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...


TOPICS: History; Humor; Religion & Culture; Religion & Science
KEYWORDS: acts5111; babylonbee; christianity; contagion; epidemics; fire; holyspirit; indwelling; jerusalem; luke; pentecost; peter; publichealth; romans; satire; speakingintongues; superspreaders

1 posted on 11/01/2020 5:50:31 PM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Biggus Tookus. Lol.


2 posted on 11/01/2020 5:52:03 PM PST by philippa
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To: 100American; al baby; Allegra; BufordP; dp0622; EveningStar; Gefn; GunsareOK; JRios1968; ...

Do ya see what one person can do to public health when he dies and then comes back to life on the Third Day???

DANG!


3 posted on 11/01/2020 5:52:55 PM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks (Hope is not a plan. -- Matthew Bracken)
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To: All

This is pretty scary. The word on the street is there is somewhere a tracking registry of all who are infected and those who are not. It sounds as if there will be a reckoning of sorts.


4 posted on 11/01/2020 5:57:54 PM PST by BipolarBob (Rome wasn't built in a day. All Hail the night shift!)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

LOL - too close to reality


5 posted on 11/01/2020 6:00:27 PM PST by SaveFerris (Luke 17:28 ... as it was in the days of Lot; they did eat, they drank, they bought, they sold ......)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

6 posted on 11/01/2020 6:06:09 PM PST by Magnum44 (My comprehensive terrorism plan: Hunt them down and kill them.)
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To: philippa

I never met Biggus Tookus, but I think I knew her brother. (snicker snicker)


7 posted on 11/01/2020 6:13:16 PM PST by left that other site (If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all. (Isaiah 7:9))
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To: Magnum44

If you laugh.... you don’t get paid.


8 posted on 11/01/2020 6:13:39 PM PST by Harmless Teddy Bear (And lead us not into hysteria, but deliver us from the handwashers. Amen!)
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To: Magnum44

Lol! Biggus Dickus, and Incontinentia Buttocks.


9 posted on 11/01/2020 6:14:04 PM PST by EvilCapitalist (Fill that seat!)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

The first peaceful protest for Conservatives...


10 posted on 11/01/2020 6:24:00 PM PST by Tennessee Nana
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Sounds like a Monte Python parody.


11 posted on 11/01/2020 6:24:16 PM PST by READINABLUESTATE ( Deplorable, and proud of it.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

The Babylon Bee is hitting out of the park regularly these days. But then they have lots of material to work with, due to the election, COVID, BLM, Antifa, et al.

This is hilarious.


12 posted on 11/01/2020 6:38:17 PM PST by notpoliticallycorewrecked (I thank the good Lord everyday that I no longer live in CA.)
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