"I am reproductive free".
Posted on 02/27/2006 10:48:23 AM PST by presidio9
There are 2 billion children running around the planet and five new ones born every second. But don't expect any pink-and-blue congratulations from Adrianne Frost. In fact, the author and comedian would be just as happy if you took every little bugger and muzzled him — on the subway, in stores, in restaurants, churches, parks and, well, everywhere.
Treasonous? Exactly!
"You have every right not to like children who are ill-behaved," says Frost, who puts just about anyone under 3 feet tall in that category. "Just because they're children doesn't mean that it's okay for them to act the way they do. Throughout history, people have said they're a gift from God, but he doesn't have to eat dinner with them."
If it sounds like Frost isn't in the running for the Angelina Jolie mother-of-the-year award, she doesn't apologize. To the contrary, she's the author of the new book, "I Hate Other People's Kids" (Simon Spotlight Entertainment, $9.95) and part of a vocal minority that believes children should be not-seen and not-heard. Especially when they're sitting behind you on a plane.
"I come from a place of intense, severe hatred of kids — I have no maternal instincts whatsoever," agrees comedian Jackie Hoffman, who has made child-loathing part of her act. "It's hard to explain to others because there is such a disgusting worship of kids. One of my friends still hates me because I kicked over her kid's stroller at a birthday party — and the kid wasn't even in it."
True, child worship is as old as gold, frankincense and myrrh. But Frost argues that it reached zealot proportions when baby boomers started procreating, treating their pregnancies like the Second Coming and flashing little Baby on Board signs on their cars. Who would dare think saints could misbehave?
"People used to discipline children more," says Hoffman. "But now this revolting love of them rules the world, this tiptoeing around and asking, 'What do you want?'"
What bugs baby-bashers? Frost counts the ways: Kids who throw tantrums in the aisles of Toys "R" Us or poop in the middle of Pizza Hut; kids who think they're brighter than Beethoven or sexier than Britney; kids who insist on singing in the middle of your romantic dinner-for-two or whining in the middle of your dinner party for 20. And all the parents who think they're totally adorable in their badness.
It's not just self-proclaimed loathers who get riled. Take a walk through the Manhattan Mall on any afternoon, and there's no shortage of moms and dads, aunts and uncles willing to admit they sometimes want to pop other peoples' pests.
"My cousin has a 2-year-old whoalways asks for tea," says Anderson Young of Brooklyn. "But she doesn't really want it. She just takes the bottle and throws it out the window — and her mother just laughs."
"I used to work in day care, and the worst was the boy who went to the bathroom in the teacher's coat closet," says Katie, from the Bronx, who asked that her full name not be used. "We kept saying, 'What's that smell?' And then we found out." "Yesterday, when I went to pick up my daughter, my nephew, who's 2, said to me, 'Hey, s—,'" said a still-shocked Lisa Lee of Hollis. "I said, 'What did you say?' and he just laughed and skedaddled."
What's the solution? Though child psychologists prescribe firmness and consistency as a way to keep troublemakers from becoming tyrants, Frost has other suggestions for training not just kids but their parents, who think they need to emblazon every T-shirt and mug with their kid's likeness; who think it's hilarious when their kid sits on the cat; who think everyone wants to see the video of junior emerging from the womb.
In a word, says Frost, retaliate. Stand next to a store-screamer and scream at the top of your lungs. Trip the kid who keeps bumping into you "accidentally." Laminate your Pap smear and hang it on the fridge. Or photograph the Prada loafers you snagged at 80% off and share the snapshot with strangers.
But don't think it's enough to cleanse the soul of an unrepentant child-loather. "People with kids will say, 'You'll come around,' or 'You don't really hate kids, do you?'" says Hoffman.
"The answer is, Yes, I do."
How to deal
How do you tame the baby beast having a four-star meltdown when you're having a quiet dinner with your honey? Or the kid kicking you on the 13-hour flight to Tokyo? Or the one who left a load in his diaper while you're sniffing new perfumes at Bendel's? Some tips from the pros on how to tame them:
* Speak up, gently, but firmly: "I was at a pool years ago, and a little boy was dunking girls' faces in the water," says Alice Sterling Honig, professor emerita of child development at Syracuse University. "I told him to keep his hands to himself. He said, 'Lady, you're not the boss of the pool.' I said, 'Yes, I am. Grownups know the rules to keep you safe.'"
* Divert his attention: Faced with a child who can't stop crying and whining, talk to him — about SpongeBob, about the flowers in the park, about the puppy across the street, about anything but his tantrum. Honig saysit'll distract him from the kvetching. * Massage the meltdown: Freakouts usually mean a tired, overstressed child. "Sometimes, you can say, 'Gee, it's very hard to be with grownups,'" Honig says. In a restaurant, she'll even plop her big, old winter coat on the floor and suggest the weary whiner take a nap.
* Take it outside: You know her: The girl who feels a song coming on just as you're digging into your rare tuna. "Say to her, or her parents,'Do you think the other people in the restaurant want to hear your song? Or do they want to talk to each other?'" Honig says. "If she needs to sing, maybe Daddy can take her outside."
* Mommy sharing: If she knows kids are going to be squeezing onto the sofa with her and her friends, Honig brings out a dreidel and shows the tyke how to use it. And if the child still demands to be the focus of the conversation? "I turn to her and say, 'Alice has been playing with you and reading to you, and now I need to talk to Daddy for a while.'"
* Quit kicking: It's every traveler's nightmare: The kid behind you on the train or plane who won't stop kicking or slamming his tray table. You don't have to seethe and endure it. "I complain," says Manhattan child psychologist Constance Katz. "There's also the option of calling the stewardess. But short of a parent being willing to hold their feet down for the entire flight, it's not going to be a perfect solution."
* Set limits: Maybe you can't do it with other people's kids, but you can make yours more pleasant for other people. "There are very nice, well-meaning parents who are raising very tyrannical, imperious children because they can't tolerate making the child feel frustrated," Katz says. "They resolve not to do something and then weaken in the face of protest. And the more the parent holds out, the more the kid protests." Child's lesson learned: Have a meltdown in Kmart and you will get that new Birthday Bratz. And if you just want to have some harmless fun at the little monster's expense?
* Stare: Especially when they're running wild or laughing themselves silly, author Adrianne Frost suggests perfecting the art of the glare. "Don't avert your gaze until they back away slowly, and then cheerily go back to shopping," she says.
* Warn them: Away from the parents, beckon them over and tell them you'll call Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and Grandma if they don't shape up. And remember, writes Frost, "Say it with a smile."
* Join in: If the child is screaming and squirming on the floor or clanging the shopping cart, stand next to him and let it rip. Sing at the top of your lungs! Lay on the ground next and scream! Whine that you want your youth back! Says Frost, "I guarantee, they'll be so confused, they'll stop what they're doing."
Originally published on February 27, 2006
I just have a feeling about this one.
I like kids, and I think how older generations see children might be reflective somewhat on the society.
I live in Germany currently, and a lot of the commercials for birth control show screaming kids being brats followed by slogans such as "Use Condoms". You get the sense that kids are seen not as personifications of raw potential to be raised, but instead burdens to be avoided.
I sympathize with her frustration with children who behave badly. I know that not everyone is entertained by childish prattle or antics. Their energy and intensity are not for the squeamish. But to hate children? There's something fundamentally wrong with that philosophy.
With decent parenting and the help of God, even mischievous or unruly children can grow up to be mature, intelligent adults who will be a comfort to their parents in their old age.
I doubt she can say the same about her Prada loafers.
My biggest pet peeve is parents who bring their kids to nice restaurants. I just don't get it. Why would you ruin a $100/person dinner by bringing a 2 year-old?
Hey Idiots. Blame the parents for misbehaved children.
What bugs baby-bashers?
How many childless adults spend enough time in Toys R Us to be bothered by OPK (other peoples' kids)?
Frost counts the ways: Kids who throw tantrums in the aisles of Toys "R" Us or poop in the middle of Pizza Hut;
Poop in a diaper or on the floor? I'm bothered when anyone (or their dogs) does that in public and that includes adult executives in first class sections on airplanes.
kids who think they're brighter than Beethoven or sexier than Britney;
Or college kids who think they are punker than any generation before them. Or protesters in America who think they are more oppressed than any society in the history of the world. There are brats and ignorant people wherever you choose to look.
kids who insist on singing in the middle of your romantic dinner-for-two or whining in the middle of your dinner party for 20.
Stop taking your girlfriend or wife to Chuck E. Cheese and insisting you are a romantic. Fine dining (and 8pm candle lit dinners) at less likely to see small unruly children. Spend some money if you care to have a nice meal.
And all the parents who think they're totally adorable in their badness.
Dems seem proud of the outburts of Howard Dean and Michael Moore but I find them to be quite childish and rude in their behavior.
Part of the problem is that you can't spank your kids in public. This was almost 30 years ago and in the South, but my brother (usually pretty well behaved) had a monster tantrum at a local Sears. Dad hauled him out to the parking lot for a good spanking (we were spanked, not ever beaten or abused) and a woman walked up to him threatening to call the cops.
Yeah, try that and say hello to the district attorney, especially if you're a single male. I would not recommend acting more childish than the child - it's their world when you do that and the rules are such that they always win.
The problem is, of course, the parents. One seldom encounters this sort of thing in Japan because not only do one's own parents have the right to make you stop, so do other adults. In the United States (and other Western countries) little Billy or Susy is always right and the notion of a strange adult attempting to correct the little darling's feats of free expression is a one-way ticket to a lawsuit or a threat of a punch in the nose. I have a great deal of sympathy for Ms Frost here, frankly, but the kids wouldn't be that way if the parents didn't put up with it.
Beat em good.
I love kids! I'd like to have a bunch.
That said, most nowadays a monsters. Not too long ago, the ill-behaved child was the one that stood out. Now, it's the well-behaved ones that do.
As the natural born citizens shut off their breeding habits (by birth control, abortions, and homosexuality), the face of nations are gradually changed by poor immigrants (economic refugees).
I sort of live in a world with very few children around me. I can go days without seeing a kid. Not that I'm complaining.
That is the most ignorant thing I have ever heard. I truly hope you do not have children.
There used to be a restaurant in Pennsylvania that had child and no child seating. We went there alot.
My mother knew she could take all five of us out to a fancy restaurant and we would sit quietly with our hands in our laps.
We knew without a doubt she'd kick the snot out of us if we dared embarrass her in public.
"You know, I've noticed that most ill-behaved children have ill-behaved parents."
absolutely. when their nasty little brats misbehave and you look at the parents with that plaintiff, "please do something" look, they just think you're nuts because their kid is such a little darling to them. people raise what they are, and most people suck.
It's quite mixed-up and to the extent that the reproductive free Miss Frost is serious, she's got some serious issues.
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