Posted on 03/18/2015 5:43:22 PM PDT by 11th_VA
Man dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, he's greeted by an angel. Inside is a large court yard with clocks and different times on each of the clocks. He asks the Angel, "What are all those clocks for ?"
"Oh," says the angel, "those clocks are from the most famous people on earth - for each lie one tells, the clock advances 1 second."
"Hmmmm," say the man, " How come that clock only advanced one second?"
"Oh, that one belongs to Mother Teresa," said the angel.
"Well what about that one ?" Said the man, "It only has 3 seconds on it?"
That one belonged to George Washington," said the angel.
"So where's Obama's clock," asked the man.
"Oh, St. Peter has that one in his office - he's using it as a fan," said the angel.
Ummmm..I don’t know. Too cute by half given what we are joking about here.
I think I heard Glenn Beck or maybe it was Mike Huckabee use this joke on their TV show. It was funny. I fully expect Huck to get his Fox gig back after he’s done ‘pickin the cotton’ from all those rich and eager campaign donors.
Wait...Obama’s in heaven?
I first heard it as Clinton’s clock being used as St. Pete’s fan.
That’s what I was wondering.
Nope - he isn’t - his clock is.
I first heard this in 1970’s about Nixon
There is a fan on the input, and a fan on the output.
So, you are saying one is the sucker and the other is the suckee?
Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, Barack Obama meets a man with a beard. “Are you Mohammed?” he asks. “No, My Son, I am St. Peter; Mohammed is higher up.” Peter then points to a ladder that rises into the clouds.
Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than St. Peter, Obama climbs the ladder in great strides, ascends up through the clouds and comes into a room where he meets another bearded man. He asks again, “Are you Mohammed?” “Why, No”, the man answers, “I am Moses; Mohammed is higher still.”
Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy, he climbs the ladder yet again, he discovers a larger room where he meets an angelic looking man with a beard. Full of hope, he asks again, “Are you Mohammed?” “No, I am Jesus Christ...you will find Mohammed higher up.”
Mohammed higher than Jesus! Man, oh Man! Obama can hardly contain his delight and climbs and climbs ever higher. Once again, he reaches an even larger room where he meets this truly magnificent looking man with a silver white beard, and once again repeats his question:
“Are you Mohammed?” he gasps, as he is by now totally out of breath from all his climbing.
“No, My Son.... I am Almighty God, the Alpha and the Omega. But you look exhausted. Would you like a cup of coffee?”
Obama says, “Yes, please”! God looks behind him, claps his hands and yells out:
“Hey Mohammed - two coffees!”
I first heard this about Grover Cleveland.
It was funnier 20 years ago and featured Slick Willie.
A Muslim, an Illegal Immigrant, and a Marxist walk into a bar…
And the bartender asks, “What’ll ya have, Mr. President?”
"Ceterum censeo 0bama esse delendam."
Garde la Foi, mes amis! Nous nous sommes les sauveurs de la République! Maintenant et Toujours!
(Keep the Faith, my friends! We are the saviors of the Republic! Now and Forever!)
LonePalm, le Républicain du verre cassé (The Broken Glass Republican)
LOL, not a snow ball's chance in Hell.
That was funny...
There was a popular variation of this joke when I was a kid about pleasuring one’s self. There’s these three boys that die and go to hell. Their names are (you and pick two friends). Lucifer meets them and takes them on a tour of the place. One room has nothing but clocks with a name under each clock. Lucifer explains that one’s clock makes one revolution each time you “spank it.” The joketeller’s clock isn’t even moving. The second boy’s clock revolves once a day. Nobody can find the third boy’s clock. When asked, Lucifer says, “It’s in the other room, we’re using it for a fan.”
Heard it before and it’s funny EVery time - - -
Read it the other day, and couldn’t wait to share !
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