Why Do We All Hate Soccer? Any Euro FReepers?

Me

[GulliverSwift]

I remember watching an episode of the Simpsons where the family saw an advertisement on TV for an exhibition soccer game at Springfield Stadium. The whole family was excited: "Yeah!!!"

So they went to the game, and all the characters, Crusty, Moe, the Simpsons, etc, were there. The teams were South American and you could hear the announcer calling the play-by-play with a Spanish accent.

The crowd was excited and cheering at first. And the Mexican announcer was excited the whole time as he said,

"He kicks the ball to Sanchez! He kicks the ball to Rodrigez! He kicks the ball to Sanchez! He kicks the ball to Rodrigez! He kicks the ball to Sanchez!"

The announcer's voice was shouting with anticipation as he described the exciting action of Sanchez and Rodrigez passing the ball back and forth (sounds like great World Cup action). The crowd was excited at first, but after four minutes, they fell silent. Then Homer shouted out, "Boring!!!"

To any of you Eurotrash, now you know why we can't stand soccer, or "football" as you Euro-femmes call it. It's BORING. Our football, the real football, is an improvement on the feminine type. Basketball is inovative, baseball is inovative, but soccer.... You kick the @$#&% ball back and forth for two hours--lots of drama!!!!.......and the score is 1-0.

Whew, with action like that, I don't know if I can keep from fainting!

The only reason why soccer is around the world is because of British and Spanish colonialism. We booted the Brits out before the bland game could be invented, and Brits being the boring females that they are, invented a game where you are required to kick a ball for 30 minutes before scoring a point.

So you may be wondering why the soccer "craze" hasn't caught on in the only country where men have more swimming clothes on their body than women. It's because we've got games that actually took creativity and innovation to invent.

If we wanted to be bored with something that's two hours and results in a score of 1-0, we'd watch a featherweight boxing match. Or a debate between Al Gore and George Bush.

Who do I want to win? Portugal or the U.S.?

I DON'T CARE!!

[rdb3]

Why Do We All Hate Soccer?

Because watching paint dry is more entertaining?

[DWSUWF]

"...As sports go its so light weight it’s the worlds lowest common denominator..."

Exactly.

'Soccer'... An ideal sport for third-world mutant Morlock survivors of a thermonuclear holocaust. (at which point they'll revert to the use of a severed human head...)

Americans demand those more refined sports which require that the fans bring an IQ greater than a slice of buttered toast to the table.

'Soccer'...

Two thumbs down.

[MadIvan]

Americans don't like it simply because it isn't your tradition. You grew up with baseball, American football, basketball, ice hockey, etc.

You lot didn't grow up, as I did, watching films of Pele at his prime. You don't have legends like Bobby Charlton, nor the glory of winning a World Cup against an old World War enemy like Germany, as we did in 1966.

You have a rare opportunity right now. Watch Brazil work its magic on the field. If England plays up the scratch, take a look. Football (soccer) is a game of invention, tricks and magic to get the ball in the goal.

Oh and one other thing, football is for the less affulent. You see, to play baseball and football you need a lot more than just a ball to play it. With basketball, you need a hoop installed. With football, all you need is just the ball. And two rubbish bins to mark the goal. ;)

Regards, Ivan

[KarlInOhio]

I think the problem with soccer is that both teams are on defense the entire game. Compare that to American (and our northern annex for hockey) sports.

Baseball: one team tries to score, other team tries to keep them from scoring
Football: one team tries to score, other team tries to keep them from scoring
Pro basketball: one team travels, the other team isn't allowed to play a zone to stop them from scoring :)
Hockey: Both teams skate around randomly until a fight breaks out or an offsides is called

Over the weekend, some ESPN announcers seemed pleased and surprised that there were no 0-0 ties yet. I am bored by the idea of a sport where the absence of 0-0 ties is seen as amazing.

What is the difference between the World Cup and the Stanley Cup?
In the Stanley Cup finals, the fans come to watch the players fight. In the World Cup, players come to watch the fans fight. (stolen from ESPN)

[TADSLOS]

So...what part of her anatomy exactly do the soccer balls represent?

[Rebelbase]

Soccer is boring when compared to American football, but, I would have paid to see Pele' play.

[TADSLOS]

You should have insisted on an autographed sports bra....but, of course your marriage and yourself would have been short lived.

[Let's Roll]

I disagree that it's because we didn't grow up with it. I know people from other cultures who came to this country to go to school and loved soccer. After exposure to American football, they tell me they now find soccer boring. This is slightly embarrassing when they go back home and find their friends and family all excited about the local soccer team while they could care less.

[AGreatPer]

"You'll can wake up and the score will be the same as two hours ago."

Obviously, you don't know or understand the game and that is not intended as an insult.

This morning, Belgium was playing Japan in what seemed to be boring for the first half 0-0. But you could see what was happening. Japan was wearing them down with tacktics that I woun't go into. The second half exploded with back and forth goals. Ok, it ended up 2-2. But when you understand the tacktics, strategy, chess-playing, etc. It was extremely exciting. In my book, Japan pulled off a major upset with a tie.

My problem is the times these games are played early in my morning. Doesn't matter, I won't miss a game.

[MadIvan]

After exposure to American football, they tell me they now find soccer boring.

I lived in America for a time. I find that American football doesn't have particularly more action than soccer. I dare say your friends are the exception rather than the rule.

Another thing - Americans are good at soccer - your team made the World Cup for God's sake, why the hell are you lot turning your backs on people who are indeed, sporting heroes?

Regards, Ivan

[al_c]

I DON'T CARE!!

Sure is a lot of ranting and raving for someone who doesn't care.

Personally, I dig the game. I played for many years and enjoy watching. If you don't ... that's fine by me.

[HoustonCurmudgeon]

Soccer is in fact boring, cricket is worse. We have the number one boring sport however, as baseball was invented so we would have something worse than cricket. At least a cricket test stops for tea (read whisky).

If you include watching sports on television however only the brain dead would watch golf!

[codebreaker]

I agree with your points about soccer in America, one thing that might help in our MLS Premiere Leagues is to move the stands closer to the players like the NFL Green Bay Packers do with the 'Lambeau Leap.'

Imagine the controvesies fans holding the ball, celebrations after goals etc.

[Tomalak]

Just think. If the Americans had invented football, the World Cup would not have any non-American teams, the players would all wear more armour and padding than a Roman Centurion, and the foot would make less contact with the ball than the hands.

[al_c]

a lot more exciting than baseball or American football, the sole purpose of which is to smack each other (to define it simplistically)

Don't forget about the actual playing time. Soccer is non stop for 90 minutes. American Throw and Catch (as an Irish friend once put it) is a lot of standing around, then they run a play that lasts maybe a few seconds, take a two minute timeout for TV, run another few seconds, stand around some more ...

[codebreaker]

I love 'King of the Hill' one of the best shows of all time!

[strela]

You think soccer is boring? Watch auto racing some time - 33 guys driving in never-ending, eternal left circles. At least with soccer, you know some of the players are at least getting their heart rates above cadaver status.

NASCAR - better than Sominex.

[Rodney King]

Great essay! You are right on the money.

[tictoc]

What a lame flame war, I'm seeing hardly any blood on the ground.

It's obvious that most people here haven't got a clue about soccer.

Name one other sport that inflames passions so much, it has inspired actual shooting wars!

[al_c]

That statement is correct only if you exclude Brett Favre.

LOL!!! He's taken more dives than any soccer player!