Posted on 07/31/2002 4:38:22 AM PDT by mlmr
Dear Mrs. Web,
My mother knows that I am sleeping with my boyfriend. She has told us that we cannot have sex at our house. We can't go to his house either because his grandmother won't let a girl up into his bedroom. This leaves public places as the only choice, which my mother says is fine with her.
I am however, worried about getting caught. I am aware that it is against the law, but this is the only chance we get. What would happen if we were caught by or reported to the police? Could we be charged with indecent behavior at such young ages (15 and 16)?
I have no idea what the law would do to two children who are caught ... well, ahem...caught. In Dear Mrs. Web's day you both would have been shipped off to bleak training schools to wear ghastly uniforms, eat saltpeter, and learn a useful trade.
Dear Mrs. Web has always believed that one has sex only when one has a ring, a marriage certificate and of course, the means to pay for a bedroom.
If your mother is advocating that you, her young daughter, have sex in the bushes, you have many more problems than finding a place to rut.
It sounds like you have not been taught about what sex really means and the commitments and responsibilities that go along with it. Your have not learned to respect your body and to treasure and protect it. You have not learned about how committed love turns sex into lovemaking and allows you to truly bond with your beloved. How sad! Dear Mrs. Web would certainly discuss these matters with your mother, in depth, in detail and vigorously.
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Dear Mrs. Web,
I am involved with my sister's ex-husband. We are in love and have bought a house together. How can our relationship be accepted by our families? I am worried about hurting my sister's feelings. We found out that it is legal to marry each other here. He has asked and I want to. I guess what I've been looking for is someone's blessing.
My sister left the marriage and I cannot help that things worked out this way. Is there any way I can overcome our family issues?
I don’t think there is a way around your sister’s feelings. I cannot imagine how you could make this better with your sister. Some do say that time heals all wounds. Dear Mrs Web is doubtful that this one will fix.
There are just some places you just don't go. Marrying the former spouses of family members is a place to avoid at all costs. That is too big and shatters family safety and loyalty. Those things are important, even for the family members who are messing up their lives. It is not prudent, normal, or wise to place this in the middle of your family.
Essentially, what you say here is that you want what you want. There is nothing more that I can add.
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Dear Mrs. Web,
My 55 year old sister has stopped speaking to my mother and me for almost 3 years now. She was a high-powered MBA who developed an immune-deficiency diseases. She no longer works
She has always been difficult and we were never close. I sent her husband flowers once after he had surgery. Since she was not speaking to me at the time, my mother told me about the surgery. My sister totally freaked out and said I was trying to show her up.
I have tried to convey my love and caring to my sister. My sister accused me of causing all her problems in life. Throughout our lives I have had little contact with her except at holidays. She was successful, talented, intelligent, and popular, went to a fantastic college....
I have a contented and smaller life with 4 sons and a sweet husband. I was a teacher and I loved my work. I have never been affluent or extremely popular. How can I have ever affected her life? I never have asked her for anything. She, on the other hand, was always mean to me even as a child. We know she was seeing a psychologist and told us the psychologist told her to break ties with us.
She stopped speaking to our recently widowed 80 year old mother right after she lost her husband. My mother is old and want to have a decent relationship with my sister. She has sent my sister cards and gifts and they have been all returned, not accepted. My mother is a wonderful, caring woman. For my mother's sake I would like my sister to connect with us. Any suggestions?
Why are you trying to tie strings with this emotionally toxic woman? She is a dry well and you sit there demanding water.
Yes, yes, I know, for your mother's sake.
If your mother hasn’t figured out that she has a toxic and unavailable daughter - she is just not seeing reality - as sad as the truth is for her. I am not trying to minimize your mother's heartbreak over her angry and blaming daughter. Instead, I am trying to break through the unrealistic expectations.
How to Hug a Porcupine is a book that teaches people to detach from the toxic people in their lives. It is on my website bookshelf. Read it and live a better life. A life that sees reality and does not demand the impossible.
Best,
Dear Mrs. Web
That one's a home-run!
Is she joking, or what?
Maybe there really was a time when a good little girl didn't fool around, married one guy, bore him a bunch of babies, stayed home and talked baby talk, and then died having slept with one man in her life, possibly in childbirth.
But why go back to that time? People used to go to bed at 6:00pm too, because they didn't have electric lights, but now life is better.
Don't you guys think one can lead a moral and happy life by, say, having a series of maybe 20-50 consensual affairs starting whenever you start these days and 26, getting married at 28 (having lived with hubby for 2 years), having 2 or 3 kids in wedlock, having a rewarding career, being monogamous during marriage?
Personally, I think that's a much more rewarding way to live your life. I'm going to have a lot fewer regrets on my deathbed than I would if I'd followed Mrs. Web's advice. And most senior citizens are coming around too-- I hear they are living together out of wedlock in large numbers now.
If you've met the child you've also met the parent.
Dear Mrs Web dealt with statutory rape in yesterday's column, or was it Monday! Statutory rape occurs when an adult has sex with a consenting minor.
Only if we redefine moral.
mor•al
—adj.
1. of, pertaining to, or concerned with the principles or rules of right conduct or the distinction between right and wrong; ethical: moral attitudes.
2. expressing or conveying truths or counsel as to right conduct, as a speaker or a literary work; moralizing: a moral novel.
3. founded on the fundamental principles of right conduct rather than on legalities, enactment, or custom: moral obligations.
4. capable of conforming to the rules of right conduct: a moral being.
5. conforming to the rules of right conduct (opposed to immoral): a moral man.
6. virtuous in sexual matters; chaste.
7. of, pertaining to, or acting on the mind, feelings, will, or character: moral support.
8. resting upon convincing grounds of probability; virtual: a moral certainty.
—n.
1. the moral teaching or practical lesson contained in a fable, tale, experience, etc.
2. the embodiment or type of something.
3. morals, principles or habits with respect to right or wrong conduct.
Personally, I think that's a much more rewarding way to live your life. I'm going to have a lot fewer regrets on my deathbed than I would if I'd followed Mrs. Web's advice. And most senior citizens are coming around too-- I hear they are living together out of wedlock in large numbers now
On the contrary. I understand Dear Mrs Web's mailbox is filled with heartbreaking letters from people who have subscribed to your hedonistic philosophy.
You're free to try, but you should know that the formula you have described has statistically been shown to be one of failure. Many would disagree right off with your premise that having 20-50 "consensual affairs" is moral. Even that you used the term "affairs" to describe this should be a clue.
Also, there have been many studies that have shown that, contrary to conventional "wisdom", people who live together before marriage are more likely to divorce (not less) than those who do not. Not only is this bad for the couple involved, but what it does to any children that are the product of this marriage is horrible.
But, it's a free country, so knock yourself out.
Moreover, meaning 6 is on its way to being archaic-- most dictionaries mark archaic definitions, something seems to be wrong with yours. :
Nobody, anywhere, is suggesting such a thing. You're gonna hurt your knee jerking it like that.
Don't you guys think one can lead a moral and happy life by, say, having a series of maybe 20-50 consensual affairs starting whenever you start these days and 26...
Good grief, woman...fifty sex partners by age 26? That's, what, one new bedmate every two or three months? You'd be exhausted! (Note: "Sex and the City" is just a TV show, it's not reality.)
Nobody wants to return to the bad old days when women were locked in chastity belts, but that doesn't mean a woman (or a man, for that matter) should dole out their sexuality to anyone with a heartbeat. It's not so much "immoral" as it is stupid and dangerous: disease, unwanted pregnancy, the feeling of being used, etc.
It's like walking across the freeway with your eyes closed: it's entirely possible you will walk away unscathed, and maybe even derive a thrill from it. But what's the percentage?
I don't know, BUT
I may be in a RUT
Or didn't make the CUT
20-50 sounds like a GLUT
Then again, maybe I'm a NUT
One must really have to STRUT
And not live in a HUT
.... I think there's a name for someone like that, but I can't for the life of me think what it is ....
You're not energetic enough for me, try living life with some gusto, its passing you by. But the women on sex and the city are deeply unhappy-- IMHO a happy and moral life includes children, which implies settling down by 30 or so. Those women are selfish and paying the price.
Nobody wants to return to the bad old days when women were locked in chastity belts
you evidently didn't read what Mrs. Web wrote, and I quote: Dear Mrs. Web has always believed that one has sex only when one has a ring, a marriage certificate and of course, the means to pay for a bedroom.
Evidently, most of the fuddy duddys on this thread support that sentiment.
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