French PM: "It's Great to Be Collaborating with Germany Again!"
Posted on 02/12/2003 2:01:17 AM PST by JohnHuang2
The military history of France:
Gallic Wars – Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2,000 years of French history, France is conquered by, of all things, an Italian.
Hundred Years War – Mostly lost, saved at last by a female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare: "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."
Italian Wars – Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. Wars of Religion – France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
Thirty Years War – France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.
War of Devolution – Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.
The Dutch War – Tied.
War of the Augsburg League / King William's War / French and Indian War – Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Francophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.
War of the Spanish Succession – Lost. The war also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.
American Revolution – In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome," and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."
French Revolution – Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.
The Napoleonic Wars – Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
The Franco-Prussian War – Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
World War I – Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.
World War II – Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel song.
War in Indochina – Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu.
Algerian Rebellion – Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a Western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare: "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
War on Terrorism – France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.
The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?" but, rather, "How long until France collapses?"
G. Kilber
People may wonder why France and Germany are resisting any military action in Iraq. The answer is simple – and will be revealed to the world when we march into Baghdad: We will find "Made in France" and "Made in Germany" stamped all over tons of banned materials shipped to Saddam since 1991.
Ronald J. Polland
France is afraid if Iraq is invaded that the U.S. and allies will find much of Iraq's weaponry of mass destruction and biological weaponry supplies came from France and Germany. They have made a lot of money selling death-dealing supplies to Iraq. They are not an ally.
Don Klein
I am 62 years old, and all my life I have put up with the French looking down their entirely too long noses at us Americans. We should have let them remain an annex to Germany.
Mike Murphy
The time has come for the United States Congress to get its act together and stand firm against terrorists. The first thing they need to do is stop giving the American taxpayers' money away to countries that either don't support us or even hate us.
We have saved France's butt twice this last century, and they don't even appreciate it. We need to cut off all monetary support for them, Germany and any other nation that will not stand with us. As the president said, "You are either with us or against." That should include any financial help we send.
Let them try to survive without the hard-earned money they receive from our "millionaires" club (Congress). The American people need to stand up to our elected officials and hold them accountable for their spending of our money.
Dave Curtis
French PM: "It's Great to Be Collaborating with Germany Again!"
Can we get French reparations? They owe us big time.
A couple of years ago my wife's sister and husband went on a vacation to Paris. At the time, I said I would never set foot in a country that has such disdain for Americans. I'm sure not all Frenchman feel this way, but obviously a large majority of them do and to them I say, "You're nothing but a bunch of cheese eating, surrender monkeys." I did decide a little bit later that it would be a privilege to visit the sacred shores of Normandy but I'm not sure they have an airport with a customs office so I could fly there directly. :)
LOL ! I must say, I had to look that up. Funny !
Horst Wessel (b. September 9, 1907, Bielefeld, Germany -- d. February 23, 1930, Berlin, Germany) joined the Nazi party in in 1926. He was killed by political enemies in a fight in his rooms in Berlin. Glorified as a martyr to the Nazi cause, his song became the offical Nazi anthem.
This was perhaps the most famous Nazi song of the war.
[Correction to previous note here. The Horst Wessel Song was not, as previously stated, the German song sung, famously, in the emotional scene Rick's Cafe Amercaine in Casablanca, only to be drowned out by the Marseillaise!. As several correspondents pointe out, that song was an older patriotic, but (non-Nazi song called Wacht am Rhein (The Watch on the Rhine)]
Click to hear a Real Audio of the Horst Wessel Song
Translation
Flag high, ranks closed,
The S.A. marches with silent solid steps.
Comrades shot by the red front and reaction
march in spirit with us in our ranks.
The street free for the brown battalions,
The street free for the Storm Troopers.
Millions, full of hope, look up at the swastika;
The day breaks for freedom and for bread.
For the last time the call will now be blown;
For the struggle now we all stand ready.
Soon will fly Hitler-flags over every street;
Slavery will last only a short time longer.
Flag high, ranks closed,
The S.A. marches with silent solid steps.
Comrades shot by the red front and reaction
march in spirit with us in our ranks.
During some recession back in teh 70s or early 80s, few Americans traveled abroad. One newspaper ran a notable cartoon showing a boulevard in Paris lined with empty sidewalk cafes, with waiters leaning across the street pugnaciously giving one another the finger. The tagline was, "Without American tourists, the French are forced to insult each other." It's DEFINITELY going to happen again!
LOL, too funny.
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