Entering the belly of The BEAST. My day with Hillary

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

Today was a very special day.

I had the supreme opportunity to meet Hillary Rottenbottom at Miejer's Thrifty Acres, in Auburn Hills, Michigan.

I arrived around 10:30 am, for her 11:00 am book signing. The parking lot was packed.

I went into the store and was confronted by a sea of overweight housewives in white T shirts and shorts. You would have thought that this was an e-ticket ride for DisneyWorld. Fanny packs abound.

The line wound around the perimeter of the store. Hundreds upon hundreds of clones. All so very excited. They were there to meet their Queen.

I knew I had a long wait, and I was thinking of ditching the scene, because I was in heels, and I didn't feel like standing there for 2 hours just to meet her hieniousness.

Suddenly a dear friend of mine who is the camerman for a news station saw me in line, and asked what in the world I was doing there. I told him that I was up to shenanigans, and he told me to come with him, and pulled me out of line. He took me up near the front and placed me in line. I was about 25 people back from the Throne Of Hillary.

As I was waiting, I just stood and listened to the lobotomized clones around me. They could barely contain their glee. " Hillary is so wonderful. She will be our greatest president"." She is the best wife and mother"........

And don't even get me started about the wimpy men that were in line. It was mostly women, but there were a couple of husbands, probably because their wives were too overwrought with emotion to drive themselves to the Thrifty Acres.

Suddenly, with a smidgen of fanfare, from the bowells of hell, appears Hillary!. I called an audible. I said " Oh lord, she has a soccer ball in there". Oops, I didn't know I said that out loud. Silly me.

Yes indeed folks, Hillary, looking ever so hideous in a fuschia jacket, black trousers, and black sensible shoes, actually looks like she has a soccerball in her belly. Maybe it's a tumor, heck if I know, but there is something there. Hey, maybe it's a fannypack!

Today was obviously not a 'bath day' for the old gal. Her hair was undone, no makeup, no lipstick, but she did have earrings.

As we got closer, women around me started crying. Yes, you read that right, they were CRYING! They couldn't wait to meet Hillary. I honestly thought that some of them would pass out and die on the spot. It was from either too much excitement, or the copious amount of doughnuts that they had consumed over their lifetime.

There was an elderly lady in front of me that asked me for support. She felt faint from all the excitement.

..............as a small aside, Hillary is fuzzy. Remember those soaps you had as a kid, you got them wet and in a few days they grew fuz? Hillary has a very fuzzy face. And it's very round. Pumpkin round. Fuzzy and round and falling. Gravity is not being kind. ..........

Back to the old lady....

She kibbitzed with Hillary about how proud she was of her and how she will be a great president. Hillary shook her head, signed the books that were being shoved in front of her, and then came me.

I was in orange and fuschia in the sea of white T shirts and Hillary buttons. Hillary was signing away and I said " Who's on the cover of your book?"

IF LOOKS COULD KILL.

Hillary and I did lazer beam eyeballs of hate to each other.

If only she knew that the one questioning her was actually her nemesis...Hillary's Lovely Legs.

Suddenly a vice-like grip was on my left arm, and I was pulled away from Hillary. They handed me my book, and I was on my way.

My cameraman friend said he got it on tape and hopes he can use it, but he wanted to know what in the world I said to her to make her use her " GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE face".

I told him that I said " I have Vince Foster's murder on tape".

My silly friend, he thought I was serious. I told him what I really said and he laughed. I hope to get a copy of the tape. It will be priceless.

So I left the Thrifty Acres among the clones clutching their precious books with tears in their eyes, and as I was exiting, I came across the Hillary Rodham Clinton Support Group.

This is an organization of old bitties from Ann Arbor. They all had on matching T-Shirts with a big photo of Hillary on it. They carried signs that said " Hillary" and matching sun visors. They were going to go in for a private meeting with Hillary and a photo session. They have been so supportive of her, she had been through so much and is such a wonderful woman. ( oh spare me)

So that's it. I entered the belly of the beast and got to see old fuzzy face and survived.

So where's my T-shirt?

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

[Phantom Lord]

Old Fuzzy Face! I love it!

[Phantom Lord]

Time for a little photoshop to portray "Old Fuzzy Face"

[shetlan]

Too wonderful...every word.

[Sunshine55]

She's got really lousy caps, or she really needs a good cleaning...

[r9etb]

Hillary was signing away and I said " Who's on the cover of your book?"

LOL!

What's most interesting to me is your description of the mechanical book-signing, in the face of such adulation. Just plain strange....

[mountaineer]

Fanny packs? Sounds like you got stuck in the wrong crowd of LPGA fans at the Nabisco Dinah Shore.

Kudos and praise heaped upon your head, my dear, you done good!

[zlala]

You are my hero!

And you know you made a dangerous enemy. But we'll get the Viking Kitties to draw their swords...or at least they'll have their hats with the pointy horns on 'em to protect you!

[lodwick]

AAAAAAAAAAArrrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhggggggggg.

Dang - where's the WARNING?

Excellent report! Best that tape come out.

Cheers.

[Astronaut]

Way to go!!! Great line and I'm glad it caught her off guard. She is a hideous old hag and the publisher must have needed a Cray supercomputer to process the amount of Photoshopping required to get that picture right for the book!

[zlala]

She's got really lousy caps, or she really needs a good cleaning...

She's only got caps on the front...she was too cheap to cap all the way around. What a suprise.

[GladesGuru]

NO! NO! Don't Do IT!

A picture of the Hillabeast before she gets her morning shave would endanger my lunch. Keep your mouse away from that PhotoShop icon!

[TonyInOhio]

You are Brave Soldier.

Tony

[EllaMinnow]

No tee shirt, but here's a mug!

[Destructor]

You are a great American! Thank you.

[cricket]

Great 'HLL'. . .no doubt Hillary is looking forward to an ultimate power position; when 'looks that could kill'. . .will!

[NeoCaveman]

Hillary was signing away and I said " Who's on the cover of your book?"

ROTFLMAO, good job HLL.

I'll be freeping the old gal in a few hours in Cleveland

[Interesting Times]

I was in orange and fuschia in the sea of white T shirts and Hillary buttons. Hillary was signing away and I said " Who's on the cover of your book?"

And who wrote it?

Leave it to Hillary to get the Dorian Grey thing exactly backwards...

[sanjacjake]

Great post.....you've got spunk and FR should be proud
of you....Like your photos of our great President..it makes
one ill to think of "the beast" sitting in the oval office..
hope it never comes to that...take care...Jake

[exile]

"I went into the store and was confronted by a sea of overweight housewives in white T shirts and shorts. You would have thought that this was an e-ticket ride for DisneyWorld. Fanny packs abound."

Lambs to the slaughter. By the way, great job getting Hitlery's BVD's in a bunch. You rock!

[pubmom]

You are a brave, brave soul. I would have only had the guts to ask: "Who does your hair?"

[Plutarch]

Interesting to read, if a tad catty.

[MaeWest]

FABULOUS!!!!!!!!

[cibco]

BTTT!

[smiley]

Great read!....
I hope you hadn't eaten before you met Hillary!

[onyx]

So where's my T-shirt?

Better yet, where's the photo? Hard to believe you got that close and did NOT take a picture!

[Eva]

Hillary does have peach fuzz all over her face. Back during the impeachment, a photographer from the University of Vermont printed pictures he had taken of Hillary during an interview that she gave to someone from the school, in the alumni magazine. The pictures were unretouched black and whites and absolutely hideous. I wish I had saved the magazine.

[Prince Caspian]

Way to go HLL! I'm just wondering if you already had your "line" ready before you got in front of her, or was it ad hoc. I don't think I would be able to come up with something that good once I was within "spitting distance".

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

I have had that line ready for weeks. Trust me, I was ready.

I wish I had time to say " No really, who is it, because it sure doesn't look a thing like you".

[Francisco]

"Who's on the cover of your book?"

LOL Bump!!!

[Just another Joe]

"Who's on the cover of your book?"

ROTFLMAOPIMP!

Sweeeeet!

[blackbart1]

She's got really lousy caps

The first thing I noticed. It is too obvious especially with her large smile. She could have that fixed.

[2 Kool 2 Be 4-Gotten]

Great job, HLL! Obviously Medusa did not turn you into stone, although she obviously tried.

[Lucky2]

You've now made my day with this story of your day with Hildabeast. It sounds like everything we've all said is right, she is a homely, fat slob. No wonder Bill went looking else where!

[Cyber Liberty]

...So I left the Thrifty Acres...

Aha! Mejer's Shifty Takers! That explains the t-shirts and shorts on middle-aged women, doesn't it?

[Taxman]

FReeped like a mule!

She can run, she can hide and she can surround herself with armed thugs, but she WILL get FReeped!

Taxman Bravo Zulu!

[RJL]

"Who's on the cover of your book?"

LOL… Well done!

[pubmom]

Impossible to fit all of that into the 6 seconds graciously allowed by her heinous.

Watch, one of the women from today's 'Hillaryfest,' will pen an article titled: 'The Best 6 Seconds of my Entire Life.'

[Gritty]

Great job, HHL! It is depressing to note all the women loose out there breathlessly waiting for our own version of the Third Reich.

(P.S. That's not a soccer ball; it's Rosemary's Baby!)

[Nea Wood]

Dang! That was one of the funniest things I've ever read on FR! I love what you told Hillary! Well done!!!

[BOBTHENAILER]

Hillary and I did lazer beam eyeballs of hate to each other.

Since she long ago, in a galaxy, far away, went over to the "Dark Side", I'm sure your laser eyes (from the forces of good) managed to burn a little retina.

BTW, do her pupils run in an ellipse, north and south, Like a reptile?

Great FReepin' job. ROFLMAO

[Moonman62]

I knew I had a long wait, and I was thinking of ditching the scene, because I was in heels, and I didn't feel like standing there for 2 hours just to meet her hieniousness.

And I bet you were one of the few not in "comfortable shoes." Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Great FReep and a wonderful line you gave to the Beast. I really enjoyed your report.

[mhking]

Hillary and I did lazer beam eyeballs of hate to each other.

The cat claws came out, eh?

[VoiceOfBruck]

Who's on the cover of your book?

Great work, Ms. Legs!

I hope I never get on your bad side!

[Hillary's Lovely Legs]

[shiva]

YES!....(Shiva clapping)

[Samizdat]

Too funny! And very well written. Are you perhaps a writer in real life?

[Aria]

Didn't she critize poor people once because they had bad teeth? Maybe she is trying to help them to identify with her.

[bmwcyle]

Nice stab at Satan. She will be asked that question (who is on the cover?) again and again.