SOUTHERN ADVICE

Mason Dixon | long ago | common knowledge

[RedBloodedAmerican]

If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving to the South, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt to the difference in lifestyles:

If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them; just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Don't buy food at this store.

Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.

The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective 'big ol' truck or 'big ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

Be advised that 'He needed killin' is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their Mammas taught them how to aim.

The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes .. The South has 'mater samiches.

The North has coffee houses .. The South has Waffle Houses.

The North has dating services .. The South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives .. The South has Lee Press-on Nails.

The North has double last names .. The South has double first names.

The North has Ted Kennedy .. The South has Edwin Edwards.

The North has an ambulance .. The South has an am-a-lance.

The North has Cream of Wheat .. The South has grits.

The North has green salads .. The South has collard greens.

The North has lobsters .. The South has crawfish.

AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call them biscuits.

[RedBloodedAmerican]

humor ping!

[Salo]

And the most important things are: we don't care how you did it up north, I-95 can take you back from where you came and if it's so wonderful up there, how come no one from here goes there to retire?

[jocon307]

LOL, very amusing.

I once got a quick lesson in Southern language from a lovely Alabama gal on the train to New Orleans. She said, and I think it holds up over time, that the #1 Southern identifying phrase isn't y'all, but "fixin' to". I really think she is right, this is NEVER said up here in yankee land.

But the one I've really picked up, and I've picked it up from here, FreeRepublic, is "good on yah!" I just love that, I feel that among the many other things I've gotten from these threads is a whole new FEELING, Good On Yah! It's just different from "good for you!" in so very many ways.

Go Dixie!

[arly]

aint that supposed to read the North has craps and the South has crawfish?

[arly]

opps I meant crabs

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

This Southern girl says "fixin to" all the time...... never fails to get a grin.......lol

[Focault's Pendulum]

Just because I'm from New Jersey is no reason I should not be on your ping list...you cracker.

[PeterPrinciple]

we called them crawdads in nw Iowa

[Dog Gone]

The North has green salads .. The South has collard greens.

Maybe I'm located a little too far west from the Deep South, but nobody has ever offered me collard greens at a restaurant. In fact, I've never tasted them.

My wife buys a can occasionally, but somehow I always pick them to give to the people who come to my door collecting for food drives.

[jocon307]

LOL, I guess the yankee equivelent would be "about to". I'm about to go to the store, call me later.

[Centurion2000]

Next lesson to Northerner : We don't care how you did it up North.

Final lesson : Coming down here and telling us how to BBQ can get you SHOT. Right after you get your a$$ kicked.

[duckman]

"Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive."

Just because I say 'You all', is that a give away that I am from NJ and not a native from North Carolina?

[cajun-jack]

but a real bakker chewing redneck says "fiddin to" lol

[CTOCS]

Actually "good on ya" is Australian slang...

[Servant of the Nine]

Good On Yah!

Unfortunately, it's Strine (Australian) not Southron.

So9

[LibKill]

A friendly word of cullinary advice to all y'all yankees.

All over the south you will find little bottles of a bright red sauce, label "TABASCO"(tm).

Do not touch. You can't handle Tabasco. Don't even try.

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

Well, I'm no bakker chewin redneck.......lol

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

Yes at work, others are "about to" and I'm "fixin to"........

[DeFault User]

Just because I say 'You all', is that a give away that I am from NJ and not a native from North Carolina?

No educated Southerner will ever use y'all in the singular. Since "you all" is perfectly correct English in the plural (ye no longer used), Southerners use that delicate elision or transition to y'all to designate more than one of youse.