SOUTHERN ADVICE

Mason Dixon | long ago | common knowledge

[RedBloodedAmerican]

If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving to the South, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt to the difference in lifestyles:

If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them; just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Don't buy food at this store.

Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.

The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective 'big ol' truck or 'big ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

Be advised that 'He needed killin' is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their Mammas taught them how to aim.

The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes .. The South has 'mater samiches.

The North has coffee houses .. The South has Waffle Houses.

The North has dating services .. The South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives .. The South has Lee Press-on Nails.

The North has double last names .. The South has double first names.

The North has Ted Kennedy .. The South has Edwin Edwards.

The North has an ambulance .. The South has an am-a-lance.

The North has Cream of Wheat .. The South has grits.

The North has green salads .. The South has collard greens.

The North has lobsters .. The South has crawfish.

AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call them biscuits.

[putupon]

some folks in the South use Tabasco instead of hot sauce on Buffalo Wings

Texas Pete makes an excellent Buffalo Wing Sauce.

Preheat your oven to 300
Remove the "tails" from your wings
sprinkle wings w/ garlic & onion powder
put wings on shallow pan
cook for about 20 min.s then baste w/ Texas Pete Buffalo Wing Sauce
cook 15-25 min.s then flip the wings.
repeat 5 times (3 bastings ea. side)
set oven to broil or take to grill, then baste/flip baste one more time.

And thats the proper way to make Buffalo Wings.

Hm-m-m-m, I think I know what I'm going to have for supper.

[southernbychoice]

Well...(I'm suddenly very nervous!)
1. vinegar
2. pulled
3. yes, I do it with a brisket
4. deep? any prediction will do!
5. depends on if you work for a native (in which case you'll be hunting with him) or a transplanted yankee (in which case he's scandalized that you own a gun)

extra credit:
I take jars of Dukes Mayo with me on trips up north...got the whole family addicted to it. Also, one of my most prized possessions is a cast iron skillet that belonged to my husband's grandma Fannie...black as coal and smooth as silk.

[putupon]

1. vinegar-correct

2. pulled-wrong, but it's OK -10 points

3. yes, I do it with a brisket-wrong,wrong,wrong,wrong, -20 points

4. deep? any prediction will do!-correct

5. depends on if you work for a native (in which case you'll be hunting with him) or a transplanted yankee (in which case he's scandalized that you own a gun) -5 points, we don't work for Yankees

extra credit: I take jars of Dukes Mayo with me on trips up north...got the whole family addicted to it. Also, one of my most prized possessions is a cast iron skillet that belonged to my husband's grandma Fannie...black as coal and smooth as silk. +5 for the Mayo, +5 for the skillet

Score 65+ 10 extra credit

gpa 2.5, Work on that BBQ some. Pay no attention to anyone from Texas when researching the subject.

[RedBloodedAmerican]

Wait...your governor didn't just buy the three room roomy tent at K Mart did he?....It needs to be seam sealed

You're thinking of Senator Graham of Florida! Wish he would move to New Yawk!

[RedBloodedAmerican]

[RedBloodedAmerican]

Some of them, you can't understand a thing they say. Why they don't use Long Islanders for those Sprint PC phone ads, I have no idea.

[webstersII]

" Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive."

Wrong.

"y'all" is always plural.

At least in Georgia.

[RedBloodedAmerican]

All the imported Yankees I know spend most of there time complaining about the weather, the mosquitoes, the way we drive, etc., etc.,etc..

Come to think of it, I don't know any who arne't that way, either.

[RedBloodedAmerican]

Stob? No that sounds cajun, a whole different language!

[RedBloodedAmerican]

The author flat out missed that one.

[RedBloodedAmerican]

And if you ask for sweetened tea, they look at you like your an alien.

[RedBloodedAmerican]

white mule brings back some memories. Granny moved to south florida (well, her grandparents did) in the 1800s. She had used that term around me when we'd go to her place for Sunday dinner (lunch to ya'll). All that time in the south florida sun and she died at over 100 of natural causes. No skin cancers, nothing. Drank bourbon in her sweet tea and smoke little cuban cigars in a tiparillo (is that right) filter til her 90s. I can still picture her working her yard in her late 90s. She come driving up from being at the store and come home with new dents in her car. I'd ask "where'd you get those?" and she would reply "hmph, I have no idea". Good memories!

[RedBloodedAmerican]

Kentucky is south!

[RedBloodedAmerican]

YMR DUCKS!

[RedBloodedAmerican]

Ya got that right! The Bless Yer Heart phrase is an easy out. You could really flame someone on FR and be okay so long as you add it in the...

[RedBloodedAmerican]

Ya'll ain't that old, are ya'll?

[RedBloodedAmerican]

"Tookin"

[RedBloodedAmerican]

When I moved back west for a time, I got in the habit (from being in the south) at waving at strangers. You only do that a few times in Seattle and you get people looking for the rainbow on your car. I'm glad to be back down here where it's safe.

[RedBloodedAmerican]

I think the author is from the north. Too many errors. I say crawdads, too.

[DeFault User]

White Mule. Glad somebody else has heard the term. I was reasonably certain that it was 19th century slang, but I didn't know if it still survived anywhere. My father would go on 'hunts' every year to find real cane syrup, preferably made the old fashioned way in a mill that mashed the sugar cane and boiled it down on the premises. It was sold in tins that looked like small paint buckets. If it was really good, it was 'larapin'. Where the heck does that expression come from?