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Articles Posted by John Semmens

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  • Dems Debate Anti-Israel Protests [semi-satire]

    05/04/2024 4:35:30 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 5 May 2024 | John Semmens
    This week police were called in to oust protesters who seized control of Hamilton Hall on the Columbia University campus in New York City, smashing glass doors and windows in the process. Sen. John Fetterman (D-Penn) hailed the decision to "remove these anti-Semitic thugs from the property. This is no 'peace protest.' It is a demonstration in support of the Hamas terrorists who slaughtered over a 1,200 Israeli civilians last October 7 and demands the elimination of the Jewish presence in the region." Mayor Eric Adams (D) objected to "the trashing of the premises, tearing down the American flag, and...
  • Special Privileges for Some [semi-satire]

    05/01/2024 11:48:31 AM PDT · by John Semmens
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 28 April 2024 | John Semmens
    In the sanctuary city of Denver, Colorado, Mayor Mike Johnson (D) announced that "we will provide a long-term, sustainable response to address the migrant crisis. This program will offer six months of free housing, food assistance, workforce training and more to the migrants currently in the city's shelter system as they wait for federal authorization to work." Housing advocacy group Housekeys Action Network Denver (HAND) slammed Johnston, calling the City's efforts "inadequate." Willy Bastidas, a migrant, said "I think that it's insufficient. The mayor doesn't adequately represent immigrants' interests. He needs to listen to us and work with us toward...
  • White House OK with Slow GDP Growth [semi-satire]

    04/30/2024 11:03:59 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 28 April 2024 | John Semmens
    White House Council of Economic Advisers Chair Jared Bernstein dismissed concerns that the economy is under-performing, saying "I can't get myself worked up over mere statistics in the GDP or CPI. Folks don't eat the GDP. The CPI includes volatile components like food, energy, and housing. If we exclude the price spikes in these areas inflation doesn't look so bad." "A key strength that our Republican critics overlook is that government spending remains robust," Bernstein added. "Under Bidenomics we're not at the mercy of private sector investments for economic growth. Their anti-social quest for increased profits is supplanted by a...
  • DOJ Withholds Audio of Biden Interview [semi-satire]

    04/29/2024 9:55:49 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 28 April 2024 | John Semmens
    This week, the Department of Justice (DOJ) refused to comply with a Congressional subpoena for the audio of Special Counsel Robert Hur's interview of President Biden. It was this interview that prompted Hur to decline to prosecute Biden even though he had mishandled classified documents because "he would present himself as an elderly man with a poor memory and be acquitted." Assistant Attorney General Carlos Uriarte defended defying the subpoena, saying "the written transcript alone should be enough for them. After all, we could have refused to give them anything. Their threat to hold me in contempt of Congress is...
  • New Law Allows Pro-Lifers to Enter Abortion Clinics [semi-satire]

    04/28/2024 11:39:18 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 28 April 2024 | John Semmens
    Italy's Senate passed a law which allows regions to permit groups "with a qualified experience supporting motherhood" to have access to women considering abortions at public clinics. Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni said "allowing those with a pro-life message into abortion clinics is intended to fully inform women. I believe that we must guarantee a free choice and I believe that to make a free choice you need to have all the necessary information." Silvana Agatone, president of the pro-choice association LAIGA, objected to the law saying "these pro-life advocates don't have the medical training or the credentials to give accurate...
  • AZ Gov Defends Squatting [semi-satire]

    04/27/2024 11:39:36 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 11 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 28 April 2024 | John Semmens
    A trend sweeping America is for people to break into unoccupied homes and resist eviction by claiming "squatter's rights." Some states, notably New York, explicitly facilitate this crime by declaring that a trespasser who can rebuff the owner's efforts to remove him for 30 days qualifies for "tenants rights." In an effort to ensure that intruders don't inflict these same crimes on Arizona home owners, the legislature passed a bipartisan bill (SB 1129) that would have permitted a homeowner to request law enforcement to immediately remove a squatter from his or her property. This bill was vetoed by Gov. Katie...
  • Scope of Presidential Immunity Discussed [semi-satire]

    04/27/2024 12:02:12 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 28 April 2024 | John Semmens
    This week, the US Supreme Court heard arguments over the scope of presidential immunity. The issue arose as a result of special counsel Jack Smith's prosecution of former President Donald Trump for questioning the outcome of the 2020 election. During the discussion, Justice Brett Kavanaugh asked about former President Obama's drone strikes on American citizens. Department of Justice (DOJ) attorney Michael Dreeben said "we looked at this very carefully and determined that the federal murder statute does apply to the executive branch. So, if the president orders that someone be killed it is considered a lawful act. President Obama ordered...
  • How Harshly Should Obstruction Be Punished? [semi-satire]

    04/26/2024 11:02:39 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 21 April 2024 | John Semmens
    This week the US Supreme Court heard oral arguments in the case of Fischer vs. United States. This concerns the severity of punishment given to many defendants convicted of trespassing in the Capitol on January 6, 2021. Solicitor General Elizabeth Prelogar, representing the Department of Justice was being questioned by several of the Associate Justices. Justice Paul Gorsuch wondered whether "initiating a false fire alarm like Rep. Jamaal Bowman (D-NY) did in order to obstruct a House vote on a bill would be sufficient to trigger a 20-year prison sentence?" Prelogar said "no, because the delay was only a few...
  • Biden Peace Plan for Gaza Thwarted [semi-satire]

    04/24/2024 10:38:51 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 21 April 2024 | John Semmens
    The Biden Administration's efforts to bring peace to Gaza by supporting the Palestinian Authority (PA) went awry went the money the US provided was spent to reward the families of martyrs in the fight against the Jewish occupation of Palestine. Spokesman for the PA Jenin Adnan Abu Aisheh emphasized that "compensating the heros of Islam is, and always has been, our highest priority." US Secretary of State Tony Blinken said "it is profoundly disappointing to see the aid we have given to the PA diverted to furthering the conflict. By taking the PA's side in their struggle for dominance against...
  • "Appalling Arrest" [semi-satire]

    04/23/2024 1:39:40 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 21 April 2024 | John Semmens
    Rep. Ilhan Omar's (D-Minn) daughter Isra Hirsi was one of 108 students arrested at the request of Columbia University President Nemat "Minouche" Shafik. "I took this extraordinary step because these are extraordinary circumstances. The individuals who established the encampment violated a long list of rules and policies. The vile and overt anti-Semitism has made many other students feel unsafe." Rep. Rashida Tlaib (D-Mich) called the arrests "an unjustified suppression of freedom of speech. These students are protesting Israel's indiscriminate massacre of Palestinians in retaliation for Hamas' heroic October attack against the Jews' illegal occupation of Palestine. Instead of removing these...
  • Dems Vote Against Hearing Impeachment Evidence [semi-satire]

    04/19/2024 5:36:59 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 21 April 2024 | John Semmens
    By a vote of 51 to 48, the US Senate voted not to bother with an impeachment trial for Secretary of Homeland Security Alejandro Mayorkas. The articles of impeachment sent over from the US House of Representatives charged Mayorkas with "willful and systematic refusal to comply with the law and lying under oath in his testimony to Congress." Majority Leader Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY) explained "we don't need a trial to know that Secretary Mayorkas is not guilty. He has explained to me personally that he supports allowing more immigrants into America than current law permits because his parents were...
  • Student Loan Bailout Will Enable Foreign Travel [semi-satire]

    04/17/2024 5:17:09 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 14 April 2024 | John Semmens
    Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) went on the Late Show where she and host discussed a little known potential benefit of shifting the burden of paying off college debt from the students who borrowed the money to taxpayers. "One of my greatest regrets after I got out of college is that I had to go to work to pay off my student loans," the Congresswoman lamented. "This seemed so unfair when many of my rich classmates had the money to go abroad to experience the world and all its wonders. If my loans had been forgiven I could've used the payments...
  • Hogg Bested in Debate [semi-satire]

    04/16/2024 10:41:07 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 14 April 2024 | John Semmens
    Already under fire for misspending most of the money donated to the March for Our Lives PAC he co-founded, gun control activist David Hogg was unable to make a coherent response to Lily Tang Williams' criticisms of his gun-control efforts. Ms. Williams immigrated from China, became a US citizen and is now running for Congress in New Hampshire. "You say no one should have the right to own a gun," Ms Williams said. "Well, in China, no private citizen is allowed to have guns. No one has an effective self-defense against government tyranny. The communist government murdered millions of its...
  • Trump's Position on Abortion Slammed [semi-satire]

    04/15/2024 11:11:23 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 14 April 2024 | John Semmens
    This week former President Donald Trump announced that "my position on abortion is that we should follow the Supreme Court's ruling that the Tenth Amendment to the US Constitution leaves the power to determine whether abortions are legal up to the states. Given the strongly held differences on this issue, it is obvious that there is no consensus among voters. Under these circumstances, the best resolution is to use the 'laboratory of democracy' created by our federal system to try out different approaches in different states." The New York Times complained that "Trump chose politics over principles. Every enlightened thinker...
  • Mayorkas Defends Biden Border Policy semi-satire]

    04/14/2024 4:37:34 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 14 April 2024 | John Semmens
    With a potential impeachment trial in the US Senate looming, Department of Homeland Security (DHS) Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas sparred with Senators in a budget hearing over his alleged mishandling of border security. Sen. John Kennedy (R-La) pointed out that "a recent Rasmussen survey shows that 57% of likely voters and 68% of Hispanics believe President Biden is importing migrants to the US to create a permanent Democrat majority. Are they wrong?" The Secretary scoffed, saying "the notion that we intend to allow illegal immigration is nothing short of preposterous. We are simply overwhelmed by the massive numbers of migrants seeking...
  • Trump Called "Crazy and Reckless" [semi-satire]

    04/14/2024 11:11:24 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 14 April 2024 | John Semmens
    Former President Trump's opposition to the extension of an unrevised Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA) was labeled as "crazy and reckless" by former Attorney General Bill Barr. "FISA is an essential tool for our intelligence community to have access to the communications of our potential enemies so they can keep all of us safe." Trump pointed to "the abuse of FISA to spy on me and others who the deep state and the Biden Administration have designated as so-called 'enemies of democracy' needs to stop. Listen, labeling one's political opponents as enemies is the real threat to democracy. It's not...
  • "Death to America" Called "Legitimate Viewpoint" [semi-satire]

    04/13/2024 12:38:36 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 14 April 2024 | John Semmens
    At an anti-Israel demonstration in Dearborn, Michigan, Tarek Bazzi led the crowd in chants of "death to America." When Fox reporter Hillary Vaughn asked Rep. Rashida Tlaib (D-Mich) about this the Congresswoman called the chant "a legitimate viewpoint. If my constituents feel this way it is my duty to honestly represent their views in Congress." "The whole world knows that Israel is the instigator of most of the world's problems," she added. "The October 7 attack was a justified response to these instigations. Israel has been illegally occupying Palestinian lands since 1948. Any actions taken to try to persuade the...
  • Mourning the Passing of OJ Simpson [semi-satire]

    04/13/2024 2:57:53 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 14 April 2024 | John Semmens
    This week, former football star, accused murderer, and convicted armed robber OJ Simpson died of cancer. White House press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre expressed condolences saying "our thoughts are with his family during this difficult time. In many ways, he led a tragic life. On the one hand, there were the glories of his achievements on the football field and in the movies he starred in. On the other, there was the tragic murder of his wife Nicole. He was left as a single father of his two young children after a jury found him not guilty of murdering their mother."...
  • Next Pandemic 100 Times Worse than COVID [semi-satire]

    04/11/2024 10:51:59 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 14 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 7 April 2024 | John Semmens
    Presidential Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre said "the President has been briefed by scientific experts who warn that the H5N1 strain of bird flu could have a 50% fatality rate. That means it would kill half the people who catch the disease, which they tell us will be almost everyone. Since the fatality rate for COVID turned out to be only one half of a percent, the bird flu would kill 100 times as many people as COVID did." "The CDC is working on the measures that will be needed to limit the damage," Jean-Pierre assured an incredulous press corps. "This...
  • Citizens Find Lots of Election "Irregularities" [semi-satire]

    04/10/2024 11:36:42 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 7 April 2024 | John Semmens
    In New York, Marly Hornik teamed up with election and cybersecurity expert Harry Haury to form the New York Citizens Audit to investigate their state's 2022 voter roll data. They found 1,467,399 illegal duplicate registrations with 449,856 votes cast, 16,623 votes cast by voters with a blank address, and 35,312 more votes counted than voters who voted. "It was clear to me that the premise that our elections are honest and accurate is not substantiated," Hornik said. "So we founded a nationwide group, United Sovereign Americans (USA), to share our expertise with over 25 state groups to help them investigate...