Free Republic 3rd Quarter Fundraising Target: $88,000 Receipts & Pledges to-date: $70,807
80%  
Woo hoo!! And after accruing the balance of the monthlies we're now over 80%!! Less than $18k to go!! Thank you all very much!! God bless.

Articles Posted by John Semmens

Brevity: Headers | « Text »
  • Clinton Foundation Called "Economic Dynamo" [semi-satire]

    08/27/2016 10:18:45 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 28 Aug 2016 | John Semmens
    Revelations that the Hillary Clinton-led US State Department granted favors to governments, corporations, and individuals that made donations to the Clinton Foundation have stirred concerns that a Clinton presidency might be tainted by corruption. Foundation president Donna Shalala urged that "we take a more balanced look at the totality of the situation." "On the surface, the proximity of the donations and actions taken by Secretary Clinton does appear suspicious," Shalala admitted. "However, Hillary has repeatedly said that all the actions she took would have been taken regardless of any donations that were made to the Foundation. Clearly donors weren't buying...
  • More Clinton Email Questions [semi-satire]

    08/27/2016 1:29:37 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 8 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 28 Aug 2016 | John Semmens
    The latest 14,900 emails recovered by the FBI came from the 33,000 that Secretary of State Hillary Clinton deleted on the grounds that they were personal rather than work-related. Oddly, one of the topics discussed in many of them was Benghazi, which would seem to be "work-related" and as such legally required to be preserved and archived. Hillary for President campaign manager Robbie Mook urged that "we not jump to hasty conclusions. If you will recall, Secretary Clinton admitted she authored many emails dealing with planning her daughter's wedding. While we all know about the attack on Ambassador Stevens that...
  • Rapist Not Necessarily a Bad Guy [semi-satire]

    08/23/2016 8:34:16 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 21 Aug 2016 | John Semmens
    Writing for Wonkette, Rebecca Schoenkopf expressed her opinion that Bill Clinton probably did rape Juanita Broaddrick back in 1978, but that this doesn't necessarily make him an "evil person." "Let's look at the facts of that particular case," Schoenkopf argued. "First, Bill showed he cared by advising Juanita to put some ice on her lip that he bit. Second, he called her later to apologize. This is a level of concern that most rapists don't show. Third, while there has been a string of alleged improprieties involving indecent exposure, molestation, and sexual indiscretions since then there haven't been anymore rapes."...
  • New Email Scandal Excuses Tested [semi-satire]

    08/22/2016 12:00:32 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 21 Aug 2016 | John Semmens
    Faced with the difficulty of persuading a skeptical public that the "extraordinarily careless" characterization of her email practices by FBI Director James Comey is significantly different from the legally culpable "gross negligence" standard, the Clinton campaign is field testing a couple of new excuses. First out of the block was the disclosure that neither Secretary Clinton nor any of her many aides (including Cheryl Mills, Huma Abedin, Jake Sullivan, Dennis Cheng, Anne Marie Slaughter, Phillippe Reines, Caitlin Klevorick, and Kris Bladerston) embroiled in the scandal completed the mandatory ethics training required for federal employees. Clinton Campaign Manager Robbie Mook pointed...
  • CAIR Criticizes Trump’s “Extreme Vetting” Proposal [semi-satire]

    08/21/2016 10:41:29 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 21 Aug 2016 | John Semmens
    The Council on American–Islamic Relations (CAIR) sharply criticized GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump’s promise to exercise “extreme vetting” of immigrants from terror-plagued regions of the world, calling it “unconstitutional.” CAIR spokesman Iman Aswad declared that “Trump’s vetting would interfere with the free exercise of our religion. Islam is not like Christianity or Judaism. Our faithful are bound to fight against unbelievers. Trump’s idea that the government can screen out those who are committed to this fight discriminates against one, and only one religion: Islam. As such it is unconstitutional under American law.” “It is also impermissible under sharia law,” Aswad...
  • Trump's Pitch to Black Americans Called Flawed [semi-satire]

    08/20/2016 7:00:56 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 10 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 21 Aug 2016 | John Semmens
    GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump's bid for Black votes was labeled "flawed" by his critics. In a speech in Wisconsin this week Trump maintained that Democratic policies have worsened the plight of minorities. This view was assailed by Democrats and their media supporters. "Trump's contention that minorities are the foremost victims of the breakdown in law and order doesn't excuse his failure to reach out to the Black Lives Matter group," contended CNN talking head Carol Costello. "By refusing to bring BLM inside the tent he leaves them no option but to burn down neighborhoods, beat white folks, and agitate...
  • Trump Visit to Louisiana Disaster Area Panned by Dems [semi-satire]

    08/19/2016 5:07:53 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 7 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 21 Aug 2016 | John Semmens
    GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump's visit to flood ravaged areas of Louisiana was panned by Presidential Press Secretary Josh Earnest as "a virtual usurpation of President Obama's prerogative. Everyone knows that it is the President's right to visit and comfort the afflicted. That a non-office holder like Trump would ignore this right demonstrates a dangerous overreach." Earnest contrasted Trump's unauthorized visit with President Obama's 2012 visit to hurricane damaged New Jersey, which he characterized as "in line with the accepted protocols of such events. As we saw then, Republican Governor Christie welcomed the President's attention. In Louisiana, though, Governor Edwards...
  • Muslims Test Intimidation Tactic [semi-satire]

    08/16/2016 10:40:52 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 14 August 2016 | John Semmens
    Parishioners of St. Andrew Orthodox Church in Riverside California have been treated to shouts of "Allahu Akbar" from bullhorn wielding Muslims during weekly services. Inasmuch as Allahu Akbar is what Islamic fanatics shout while murdering unbelievers, the church goers are understandably concerned. Father Josiah Trenham called the shouted slogan "intimidating. We're trying to hold weekly services. The noise is disruptive and one fears worse. Will it be safe to leave church after the service? Will men with guns or bombs invade the church? What can we do to safely practice our faith." Local police officer Ryan Railsback held out little...
  • Surge in Guns Alarms Democrats [semi-satire]

    08/15/2016 9:46:06 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 14 August 2016 | John Semmens
    The number of Americans with concealed carry gun permits has surged by more than 200% since Obama became president. There are now more than 14 million authorized to carry concealed firearms. Sen. Chris Murphy (D-Conn) called this trend "frightening in the extreme. We ought to be reducing the number of people carrying weapons, not increasing them. Reversing this trend has got to be a focal point for Democrats in this election cycle. Ideally, only police ought to be carrying firearms. Making sure the right person is elected president will be crucial to achieving this goal." The notion that an increase...
  • More Top Democrats’ Emails Hacked [semi-satire]

    08/14/2016 10:00:44 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 14 August 2016 | John Semmens
    The recent release of emails hacked from the Democratic National Committee may be only the tip of an ice berg of embarrassing revelations of secrets Party big shots wish would have stayed hidden. The FBI estimates that the email accounts of more than 100 top Party officials may have been compromised. House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) called the breach “as dangerous a threat to America as the Watergate scandal. The privacy of the leaders of the Democratic Party has been severely damaged.” Earlier disclosures from the DNC hack showed unseemly behavior by officials to rig the primary election in...
  • State Department Admits Ethics "Loophole" [semi-satire]

    08/13/2016 6:46:12 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 10 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 14 August 2016 | John Semmens
    Emerging evidence that the State Department under Hillary Clinton sold favors in exchange for donations to the Clinton Foundation has raised serious ethics issues regarding her oversight of the agency. Department Spokesperson Elizabeth Trudeau acknowledged that the transactions appear to have violated a pledge signed by Clinton when she assumed the Secretary position in 2009. "The problem is that the only evidence of inappropriate interactions we have implicates her subordinates who did not sign any pledges," Trudeau said. "Secretary Clinton's pledge was to not be personally involved in dealings between the Clinton Foundation and clients of the State Department. Technically,...
  • [Satire] McCain Assails Trump's Crediting Obama & Clinton for Rise of ISIS

    08/12/2016 5:03:06 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 12 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 14 August 2016 | John Semmens
    Arizona Senator John McCain (R) took issue with GOP presidential nominee Donald Trump's statement that President Obama and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton were co-founders of ISIS. "President Obama may have given the final decision to back these guys based on Secretary Clinton's recommendation, but I was the one on the ground in Syria who met with them before they were big," McCain pointed out. "Were it not for my preliminary work the later steps taken by Obama and Clinton wouldn't have been possible. So, I think it's only fair that I receive some recognition for the historic rise of...
  • EEOC Orders Employers to Crack Down on "Anti-Social" Political Views [semi-satire]

    08/08/2016 12:56:15 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 8 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 7 August 2016 | John Semmens
    The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission has ordered employers to crack down on employees daring to wear t-shirts or caps with the "Don't Tread on Me" slogan. The slogan traces back to the American Revolution. "What may have been appropriate as an expression of resistance against British subjugation in 1776 is completely inappropriate today," claims EEOC Chairwoman Jenny Yang. "Our government is a democratically elected government. It is not treading on anyone. From time to time our government may have to guide people toward correct thought and behavior. There is no individual right of resistance against this guidance. There is no...
  • Hillary Latches onto Winning Issues [semi-satire]

    08/08/2016 11:24:34 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 7 August 2016 | John Semmens
    In a bid to boost her post-convention momentum, Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton latched onto two ideas her campaign believes will finally put her over the top. One idea is to appoint outgoing President Obama to the first Supreme Court vacancy available. "One of the things that has got to be depressing a lot of Americans is the prospect of losing the talents of the most extraordinary man to have ever held the presidency," Hillary observed. "While term limits may force him out of his current position the nation could retain his services for decades if we can get him...
  • Feds May Take Control of Elections [semi-satire]

    08/07/2016 10:49:34 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 7 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 7 August 2016 | John Semmens
    In response to GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump’s concerns that the November elections may be rigged, President Obama moved to assert an unprecedented federal role in the voting process. At the president’s direction, Homeland Security Jeh Johnson would be tasked with ensuring that “the process is protected from unwanted manipulation by unauthorized elements.” “A tainted election process would undermine faith in the legitimacy of the outcome,” Johnson pointed out. “It would be a threat more severe than a terrorist attack. I have been granted a wide latitude from President Obama to take whatever measures are necessary to ensure a valid...
  • Pope's Contention that Islam Is Peaceful Takes Hit [semi-satire]

    08/06/2016 11:17:12 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 7 August 2016 | John Semmens
    Pope Francis' belief that Islam is a religion of peace was expressly contradicted by Boko Haram leader Abu Masab Al-Barnawi this week in an interview published in Al-Naba Newspaper. The Islamic terrorist vowed "to kill every Christian and blow up every church until all are for Islam in Nigeria and the world." Al-Barnawi cited Christian charities as "the aggressors in this battle for men's souls. They prey upon the victims of calamities, seducing them with food, shelter, and medical supplies. They insidiously tempt them with kindness and mercy to turn them away from Allah's command to submit to Islam and...
  • Obama Disputes Iran Ransom Claim [semi-satire]

    08/05/2016 4:16:01 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 10 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 7 August 2016 | John Semmens
    President Obama disputed claims that a planeload of $400 million in cash sent to Iran was a payment for the release of four Americans held hostage by the regime. He dismissed the simultaneous arrival of the plane carrying the cash with the departure of the plane carrying the hostages as "coincidental." Brian Stelter of CNN cited this coincidence as "proof GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump's claim to have seen a video of the exchange is delusional. I have it on good authority that the video of the so-called ransom payment doesn't exist." As it turns out, the "good authority" cited...
  • Obama Hails Economic Progress During His Administration [semi-satire]

    08/02/2016 9:14:30 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 31 July 2016 | John Semmens
    In his speech at the Democratic Convention President Obama contended that "by so many measures, our country is stronger and more prosperous than it was when we started." Unfortunately, a number of key statistics seem to contradict that assessment. There are 3 million more people in poverty. Household incomes for those in the bottom 20% declined. Nearly 9 million more individuals are receiving food stamps. And 14 million have left the workforce. Press Secretary Josh Earnest insisted that "these statistics need to be properly interpreted. Before we leap to a hasty conclusion that the President's policies have been ineffective let's...
  • Clinton Campaign Disses Idea of Press Conferences [semi-satire]

    08/01/2016 9:57:24 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 31 July 2016 | John Semmens
    One tradition that has been notably absent from Hillary Clinton's campaign for the presidency has been press conferences where the media are invited to query the candidate. "We'll have a press conference when we want to have a press conference," Clinton pollster Joel Benenson said on ABC News this past week. "Our candidate is under no legal obligation to answer to the press. We will control what is said to whom and when it will be said. We acknowledge that this may be inconvenient from the media's perspective, but they'll just have to bear with it." Benenson also pointed out...
  • John Kerry Reaches New Height of Idiocy [semi-satire]

    07/31/2016 10:56:44 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 11 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 31 July 2016 | John Semmens
    Secretary of State John Kerry reached a new height of idiocy this past week by suggesting air conditioners were just as dangerous as ISIS. The remarks came in Vienna where Kerry was representing the US in negotiations aimed at reducing emissions that contribute to global warming. “Granted, the terror attacks carried out by these misguided individuals are splashy,” Kerry observed. “Dozens die and even more are maimed and injured, but the fact is that these effects are small-scale and of limited duration and consequence. We easily overlook some of the offsetting benefits. The people killed cease to be carbon emitters....
  • Trump Places Competence Ahead of Compassion [semi-satire]

    07/30/2016 5:41:44 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 31 July 2016 | John Semmens
    Vice-President Joe Biden explained the difference between a Clinton and a Trump administration in a raucous speech to the Democratic National Convention, contending that Trump’s catchphrase from his Apprentice reality show “’you’re fired,’ reveals a gaping existential chasm between Democrats and Republicans.” “Just because a person can’t handle a job doesn’t mean he doesn’t need that job,” Biden pointed out. “Yet, Trump would callously cast employees aside based merely upon performance. Is this the kind of man we want to place at the head of our government?” “In contrast, our nominee has the compassion to understand that competence is not...
  • Democratic VP nominee Urges Voters to Trust Hillary Clinton [semi-satire]

    07/30/2016 11:43:05 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 31 July 2016 | John Semmens
    Freshly nominated Democratic Party candidate for vice-president Sen Tim Kaine took up the delicate issue of whether voters could afford to trust running mate Hillary Clinton. "We've heard that her use of an insecure non-government computer server for her emails was too risky," Kaine recounted. "We've heard that her neglect of security for the Benghazi Consulate was a dereliction of duty. We've heard FBI Director James Comey characterize her handling of classified information as 'extraordinarily careless.' We've seen that she lied on numerous occasions in efforts to conceal her illegal and dangerous behavior. However, I am asking voters to look...
  • Democrats Accuse Trump of Treason [semi-satire]

    07/29/2016 6:10:26 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 10 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 31 July 2016 | John Semmens
    The Wikileaks release of 20,000 Democratic National Committee emails show how Party officials rigged the presidential primary campaign to favor Hillary Clinton over Sen Bernie Sanders (S-Vt) confirmed what many have suspected for the last six months. DNC Chair Rep. Debbie Wasserman-Schultz (Fla) was quick to initiate a narrative blaming Russia for hacking into the DNC's server. "That a foreign government with a long-running enmity to America could so easily break into confidential computer files of the Democratic Party is a matter of serious concern," she alleged. "The public exposure of our private communications could influence the outcome of the...
  • Miami Police Explain Shooting Unarmed Man [semi-satire]

    07/25/2016 9:23:40 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 9 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 24 July 2016 | John Semmens
    Charles Kinsey, a behavioral therapist trying to aid an autistic patient was shot by Miami police this week. In the incident, Kinsey was lying on the ground with is hands up. Nevertheless, he was still shot in the leg by one of the responding officers. John Rivera, the President of the Dade County Police Benevolent Association attempted to explain this egregious example of unnecessary and excessive force, calling it "an unfortunate accident. First of all, the police received an anonymous tip that there was a suicidal man with a gun in that area. Right away, the responding officers are thinking...
  • Nearly Half of TSA Employees Cited for Misconduct [semi-satire]

    07/24/2016 8:07:29 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 1 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 24 July 2016 | John Semmens
    According to a report from the House Homeland Security Commission, nearly half of the TSA’s 60,000 employees have been cited for misconduct in recent years. The trend is not encouraging either. Citations have increased by 28% over the last two years. The top five offenses include unaccounted for absences, failure to follow instructions, improper screening & security, neglect of duty, and disruptive behavior. TSA Administrator Peter Neffenger sought to downplay the issue by pointing out that “despite unmanned posts, inappropriate groping petty theft, and abusive behavior by our employees no flights have been hijacked on my watch.. To me, these...
  • LA Times Op Ed Says Hillary Win Only Way to Avert Coup [semi-satire]

    07/23/2016 6:42:18 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 8 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 24 July 2016 | John Semmens
    Fear that Trump might be elected president prompted hysteria from leftist loon James Kirchick in an op ed he wrote in this week's LA Times. "If voters don't put Hillary in the White House our only option may be a military coup against a President Trump," Kirchick warns. Kirchick contends that such a first ever violent overthrow of an election outcome in this country "would be defensive in nature. Trump is outside the mainstream of the governing coalition that has run this country for the last 25 years. Even if he wins a majority of votes his ascension to office...
  • Obama Says Trump's Perception of America Skewed [semi-satire]

    07/22/2016 10:56:27 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 13 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 24 July 2016 | John Semmens
    President Obama took issue with Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump's portrayal of a country in crisis, calling it "dangerously skewed from reality." "By highlighting a few incidents of terrorist attacks Mr. Trump overlooks the fact that only a small minority of people die at the hands of these misguided individuals," Obama asserted. "The reality is that the vast majority of people in this country still die of old age. A more sensible approach was voiced by French Prime Minister Manuel Valls who calmly advised that we learn to live with these attacks." "Trump's call for 'law and order' undermines my...
  • [Satire] AG Says Lying Under Oath "Could Be Okay"

    07/19/2016 10:00:49 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 17 July 2016 | John Semmens
    During testimony before the House Judiciary Committee this week, Attorney General Loretta Lynch refused to make "a blanket condemnation of lying under oath." The issue was raised by Rep Jason Chaffetz (R-Utah) regarding former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's "continuously changing and inconsistent testimony on a number of issues before this Committee over several years." Lynch contended that "each case has to be examined on its individual merits. It depends on who is testifying and whether a more important objective than mere truth is at hand. There is an old saying that 'a diplomat is a patriot sent abroad to...
  • Justice Inadvertently Boosts Trump Candidacy [semi-satire]

    07/18/2016 8:51:54 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 17 July 2016 | John Semmens
    This week Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg waded into the political domain and unintentionally bolstered the chances for Donald Trump to win the presidency. Calling him a "faker with a big ego," the 83-year-old Justice threatened to move to New Zealand if Trump wins in November. Alarmed that Ginsburg's outburst could work in Trump's favor, the Washington Post's editors criticized "her abandonment of the veneer of judicial impartiality. The acceptance of the Court's authority to strike down legislation enacted by the people's representatives relies on a perception of unbiased application of basic legal and constitutional rules. Taking sides in...
  • Congressman Calls "Law and Order" Unfair to Minorities [semi-satire]

    07/17/2016 9:48:09 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 12 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 17 July 2016 | John Semmens
    Rep. Jim Clyburn (D-SC) lambasted Trump's claim to be the "law and order" candidate, calling it "a cruel and insensitive attempt to place the values of white Americans over those of us who are black. It is racism that forces blacks to commit crimes to support themselves and their families. The kind of enforcement that Trump would impose threatens the livelihoods of a significant segment of the minority community." Clyburn may have a point. According to data from the Bureau of Justice Statistics, blacks are responsible for the majority of robberies and murders in the 75 most populated U.S. counties....
  • Hillary Calls Trump ‘Divisive’ and ‘Unfit’ [semi-satire]

    07/16/2016 10:42:49 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 17 July 2016 | John Semmens
    Amidst polls showing her lead over GOP rival Donald Trump dwindling, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton warned voters against “the most divisive and unfit candidate in our nation’s history.” A key consideration from Clinton’s perspective is the fact that “Republican voters passed over 16 worthy representatives of the GOP brand and latched onto a man outside the mainstream of government. Trump hasn’t been a participant in any of the processes for governing a city, state, or nation. He has no record to run on.” Hillary contrasted Trump’s lack of governing experience with her own “30-year career at the center...
  • Obama, Gingrich Grapple with Islamic Terror Issue [semi-satire]

    07/15/2016 5:54:18 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 17 July 2016 | John Semmens
    The Bastille Day attack that killed 80 and injured 200 in Nice, France sparked a passionate plea from former House Speaker Newt Gingrich for better security against Islamic terrorism. Gingrich said he has "no problems with Muslims who respect the rights of others becoming American citizens and moving in next door, but followers of sharia who believe they have a right or duty to wage war on unbelievers have no place in our country. They ought to be deported." He also called for "greater scrutiny of what's going on in Mosques in America. Many of them seem to serve as...
  • Samaritan Billed for Aiding Injured Family [semi-satire]

    06/28/2016 10:17:58 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 26 June 2016 | John Semmens
    When Derrick DeAnda helped a family escape from their rolled-over car he was just trying to be a good Samaritan. He didn't expect to be billed $143 by the late-arriving EMTs for "medical care." "I didn't need any 'medical care,'" DeAnda said. "I had one small cut on one of my hands. The EMT gave me a band aid. I can't see how that could possibly cost so much." The bill from Cosumnes Community Services District was described as "standard practice" by Cosumnes Deputy Chief Mike McLaughlin. "If you're at the scene of an accident that we attend you're going...
  • Senators Demand to Know Where Companies Keep Their Cash [semi-satire]

    06/27/2016 8:49:22 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 8 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 26 June 2016 | John Semmens
    Concerned that some of the nation's resources may be out of their reach, Sens. Al Franken (D-Minn) and Chris Coons (D-Del) are demanding that "all businesses fully disclose where all their money is." "As President Obama said when he was nominated for his second term, government is the only entity we all belong to," Franken recalled. "It is every business' and every individual's duty to do the utmost to ensure the survival of this single unifying entity. At a minimum, this means making all of their financial resources known to the government so they may be appropriated if the need...
  • Illinois to Create Advisory Council of Muslims [semi-satire]

    06/26/2016 11:11:22 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 26 June 2016 | John Semmens
    A bill approved by the state Legislature creates a 21-member Illinois Muslim-American Advisory Council. Co-sponsor of the legislation Sen. Jacqueline Collins (D) hailed the measure as “a sensible way to ensure that the activities of state government have a chance to get Muslim buy-in at an early stage. A lot of what we do without thinking is offensive to the followers of Islam. Clearing policies and programs ahead of time will prevent Muslims from having to resort to violence after-the-fact as a means of expressing their displeasure.” Republican Rep. Barbara Wheeler voted against the bill, calling it “a wrong turn...
  • Dems Stage Sit-in Against Guns [semi-satire]

    06/25/2016 4:48:38 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 4 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 26 June 2016 | John Semmens
    Democratic members of the House of Representatives staged a sit-in to publicize their quest for stricter gun controls. Distressed that the murder of 50 night club patrons by an Islamic terrorist in Florida has not sufficiently weakened GOP support for the Second Amendment, more than two dozen Democrats seized the House floor for more than a day, vowing to block House business until their demands are met. Sit-in participant Rep. Mike Doyle (D-Pa) used the event to call for "a major revision of the Second Amendment, because Americans don't agree with it and we've had it. The Amendment may have...
  • Hillary Unfazed by Mounting Evidence of Email Crimes [semi-satire]

    06/24/2016 10:47:10 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 8 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 26 June 2016 | John Semmens
    Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton brushed off new revelations that the 30,000 "personal" emails she deleted may have included official Department business as "nothing to concern the American people." A deleted email of particular note was a memo from her Deputy Chief of Staff Huma Abedin to Clinton's State Department subordinates regarding problems caused by Clinton's use of a private unsecured email server. The former Secretary claimed to have "no knowledge of either the original email or its illegal deletion," but offered a hypothesis suggesting that the IT specialist who set up the server "may be the guilty party."...
  • Former Senator Questions Need for So Many Armed Federal Agents [semi-satire]

    06/21/2016 11:24:16 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 19 June 2016 | John Semmens
    Former Senator Tom Coburn (R-Okla) wrote an op ed for the Wall Street Journal in which he raised the question of why so many federal agents are authorized to carry weapons. In the op ed, Coburn wondered why the IRS needs assault rifles, why the Department of Veterans Affairs is arming 3,700 employees, and why the number of non-Defense Department federal officers authorized to make arrests and carry firearms (200,000) exceeds the number of U.S. Marines (182,000). IRS Commissioner John Koskinen responded that "it should be readily apparent why my agency needs to be armed. Taxes are very unpopular. Taxpayers...
  • Congressman Says "Ruling Class" Not Paid Enough [semi-satire]

    06/20/2016 1:19:27 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 19 June 2016 | John Semmens
    Rep. Alcee Hastings (D-Fla) complains that his $174,000 annual salary plus perks is "not enough to keep a man honest. We deal with an annual budget of over $3 trillion dollars. Our piece of that action is a paltry .005%. High-ranking heads of Departments don't fare much better. Is it surprising that some are tempted to augment in ways that many find distasteful?" "Take former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and her husband Bill," the Congressman said. "After decades of public service they left the White House nearly broke in 2001. What choice did they have but to try to...
  • President’s Economic Adviser Says Income Comparison Misleading [semi-satire]

    06/19/2016 8:25:33 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 19 June 2016 | John Semmens
    Data showing that the average man with a full time job makes less today than he did in 1973 was discounted as “an unfair and misleading statistic” by the Chairman of the President’s Council of Economic Advisers Jason Furman this week. “First of all, the premise that a full time job is desirable is debatable,” Furman maintained. “In 1973 many were forced to work because of the inadequacy of the social safety net. Today, many in a similar situation have been liberated from this tiresome fate by a more generous package of government benefits that enables them to work part...
  • Democrat Wants Taxpayers to Pass Drug Test to Qualify for Deductions [semi-satire]

    06/19/2016 10:26:27 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 8 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 19 June 2016 | John Semmens
    Rep. Gwen Moore (D-Wis) has introduced legislation that would require taxpayers to pass a drug test before being allowed to itemize deductions on their 1040 tax forms. The bill is in retaliation for state laws that require welfare recipients to pass drug tests in order to receive benefits. "I am sick and tired of Republicans forcing poor people to jump through hoops to receive the money they are entitled to under the law," Moore complained. "We enacted these programs to help the unfortunate. Few members of society are as unfortunate as drug addicts. They are slaves to chemicals that their...
  • Administration Expands Student Loan Default Options [semi-satire]

    06/18/2016 11:01:07 AM PDT · by John Semmens
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 19 June 2016 | John Semmens
    The Department of Education expanded the grounds under which students may be freed from their obligation to repay college loans. Under the new rules, students may be absolved from the obligation to repay loans if the education they received was inadequate. Secretary John King, Jr. explained that “much of what passes as education in our major universities is just crap. Universities know that majoring in ‘women’s studies,’ ‘gender studies,’ philosophy, and the like, won’t prepare graduates for high-paying jobs. Why should naive and ignorant young people have to bear the consequences that could have been avoided if they had received...
  • ISIS Group Praises Orlando Massacre [semi-satire]

    06/17/2016 9:41:05 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 8 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 19 June 2016 | John Semmens
    Despite President Obama's uncertainty concerning the motives of the man who murdered 49 patrons of the Pulse night club in Orlando Florida, both the assailant and ISIS had no doubts. Shooter Omar Mateen pledged his allegiance to ISIS both before and during his killing spree. Similarly, the Al-Battar Media Foundation, reportedly an operation of the elite ISIS Libyan unit Kalibat al-Battar al-Libi, hailed the "slaughter of infidels" and urged "all true Muslims to emulate this lion of the Caliphate." Presidential Press Secretary Josh Earnest emphasized that "the President's focus on America's gun culture has the numbers behind him. There are...
  • Bill Would Stop DOJ Funding Liberal Groups with Federal Money [semi-satire]

    06/14/2016 10:17:58 AM PDT · by John Semmens
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire | 12 June 2016 | John Semmens
    Four Republican senators—James Lankford (Okla), Ted Cruz (Texas), and Utah's Orrin Hatch and Mike Lee—have introduced legislation aimed at barring the Department of Justice from using settlement money to fund liberal interest groups. "Settlements obtained from banks found guilty for their role in inflating the mortgage bubble in 2008 ought to be used to compensate those damaged by these egregious practices," Sen. Lankford said. "Instead, the Department of Justice has been funneling this money to favored liberal activists. This is a perversion of justice and an end run around the appropriations process." Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev) belittled the...
  • Feds to Crackdown on Temporary Health Insurance [semi-satire]

    06/13/2016 10:57:19 AM PDT · by John Semmens
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 12 June 2016 | John Semmens
    A clause in the Affordable Care Act (ACA) allows individuals who are between jobs to purchase temporary health insurance policies. The Department of Health and Human Services has announced it will change the rules to limit these policies to three months duration and ban renewals. The problem with these policies according to Department of Health and Human Services Secretary Sylvia Burwell is "they fall short of the President's vision for how Americans ought to be insured. These temporary plans don't cover everything we think should be covered. Notably absent from most temporary coverage policies are items like gender reassignment surgery,...
  • Gingrich Makes Self Available for VP Spot [semi-satire]

    06/12/2016 12:04:56 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 12 June 2016 | John Semmens
    Saying he "is putting the country ahead of partisanship," former House Speaker Newt Gingrich announced his availability as a vice-presidential running mate "for either candidate." Speculation about such a possibility heated up this week when Gingrich called Hillary Clinton's speech after she clinched enough delegates for the Democratic presidential nomination "spectacular." Earlier he had spoken favorably about GOP nominee Donald Trump. "Listening to Hillary the other night I realized what a strong candidate she is," Gingrich said. "She's got the experience and the gravitas that this country needs. That's not to say that Donald Trump wouldn't also be a good...
  • Clinton Demands Trump Delete His Twitter Account [semi-satire]

    06/11/2016 5:33:04 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 5 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 12 June 2016 | John Semmens
    Democratic presidential aspirant Hillary Clinton demanded that Republican rival Donald Trump discontinue his twitter account. The demand followed Trump's tweet mocking President Obama's endorsement of Clinton's candidacy. In the tweet, Trump wrote "Obama just endorsed Crooked Hillary. He wants four more years of Obama-but nobody else does!" "Trump's tweet was disrespectful to President Obama and to me," Hillary complained. "This is further proof that he lacks the temperament to be president. Those of us with experience in government know that there are certain things you just don't say in public. One of those things is that you don't call your...
  • State Department Warns Israel Not to Inconvenience Palestinians [semi-satire]

    06/11/2016 11:24:00 AM PDT · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 12 June 2016 | John Semmens
    Mark Toner, spokesman for the US State Department, issued a statement condemning the terrorist attack on a shopping mall that killed four Israelis, but simultaneously warned Israel to "not overreact." In an effort to beef up security in response to the attack, the Israeli government rescinded 83,000 permits for Palestinians to visit relatives in Israel during Ramadan and sent an additional 600 troops to the West Bank where they will man border checkpoints and conduct raids against suspected terrorists. "That four innocent shoppers were murdered is tragic, but we want to caution the Israeli government against taking measures that might...
  • Ninth Circuit Court Repeals Second Amendment [semi-satire]

    06/10/2016 11:44:32 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 12 June 2016 | John Semmens
    This week the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals ruled that government has a right to decide who will and won't be permitted to carry a concealed firearm. The ruling came in the case of Edward Peruta v. County of San Diego. The County denied Peruta and his fellow plaintiffs concealed carry permits on the grounds that they did not prove a need for them. Writing for the majority, Judge Diarmuid O'Scannlain asserted that "under California law, police authorities are empowered to determine who shall be allowed to bear arms and for what reasons. The plaintiffs' contention that personal self-defense was...
  • Obama Says He's Not a "Gun Grabber" [semi-satire]

    06/07/2016 12:23:13 PM PDT · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 5 June 2016 | John Semmens
    In response to an audience member's concern that Democrats want to take guns away from law-abiding people, President Obama sought to reassure the man that his fears were exaggerated. "The notion that I, or Hillary or Democrats or whoever want to personally grab everyone's guns is just not true," he said. "I would never grab anyone's gun, but I think we can all agree that there are some dangerous elements in our society who ought not to have them." "What we need are sensible controls over who can and can't have guns," the President continued. "Who can better make this...