Free Republic

Clint Eastwood thinks political correctness has ruined society’s sense of humor. And he was just warming up. He also accused younger generations of wasting their time trying to avoid being offensive. He told the Daily Express that he should be able to tell harmless racial or ethnic jokes without being branded “a racist”...

Its hard to get an automobile in the soviet union. They are owned mainly by elite bureaucrats. It takes an average of 10 years to get a car. 1 out of 7 families owned automobiles. You have to go through a major process and put the money out in advance. so this man did this and the dealer said "okay in 10 years come get your car." "Morning or afternoon?" The man replied. "well what difference does it make?" Said the dealer. "The plumber is coming in the morning." [snip] In another car incident, Gorbachev was late from getting to...

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.' And then the fight started... ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----- My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale. And then the fight started... ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----- When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so,...

Writers for the Daily Show, Colbert and Letterman concur: Obama presidency will lead to the end of comedy

Writers for late-night television shows, including The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, have lamented recently that they would love to bust President-elect Barack Obama's chops more. But fear of a politically correct backlash and a lack of major stumbles to date on Obama's part make him a tough topic. Stand-up comedians, though, say Obama is fair game. ''Those TV writers have to worry about ratings. They don't like boos or groans from the audience. We thrive off of it,'' said Lisa Lampanelli, a comic famous for her no-topic-is-off-limits policy, and her obsession with...

Q: How many Obama voters does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None. Hoping that it would change is quite enough. Q: How many autoworkers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: 17 at GM, Ford and Chrysler; 1 at Honda, Hyundai and Toyota. Q: How many Chicago pols does it take to change a lightbulb? A: F--- you, what am I gettin' outta this? Q: How many Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb? A: It's burnt out on the Republican side, so we're not changing it. Q: How many MSM journalists does it take to...

When Obama and tax collectors meet, they wink at each other. Under an Obama presidency the IRS will be more diligent about detecting red flags, like leftover money in your bank account after you pay your taxes. Have you ever noticed how Obama thinks nothing is impossible as long as somebody else has to pay for it? Obama said "NO" to drugs, but they must not have heard him. The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average Obama voter. (Tip o'the hat to Winston Churchill.) The Obama administration respects our property; they merely wish the property...

Poland has been forced to deny its foreign minister 'joked' that President-Elect Barack Obama's grandparents were cannibals. Writing in his blog, Mr Czarnecki, an MEP, quoted the foreign minister as saying: "Have you heard that Obama may have a Polish connection? His grandfather ate a Polish missionary." A spokesman for the Polish foreign office conceded that Mr Sikorski had made the controversial comment, but denied that the foreign minister had intended to insult Mr Obama, whose father was Kenyan. Donald Tusk, the Polish prime minister, has made no comment on the affair. It appears that Mr Sikorski's position is not...

t's long been held that the old jokes are the best jokes - and Monty Python's Dead Parrot sketch is no different. A classic scholar has proved the point, by unearthing a Greek version of the world-famous piece that is some 1,600 years old. A comedy duo called Hierocles and Philagrius told the original version, only rather than a parrot they used a slave. It concerns a man who complains to his friend that he was sold a slave who dies in his service. His companion replies: "When he was with me, he never did any such thing!" The joke...

A DIRECT ancestor of Monty Python's renowned "Dead Parrot" sketch has been found in a book of jokes dating back to Greece in the fourth century AD. A new English translation of Philogelos: The Laugh Addict contains a joke in which a man complains that a slave he has just bought has died. "By the gods," answers the slave's seller, "when he was with me, he never did any such thing." In the Python sketch, written 16 centuries later, the shopkeeper claims the parrot, a "Norwegian Blue," is not dead, but just "pining for the fjords."

Q. Why will Obama hold a séance once he's in the White House? A. So that he can thank everybody who voted for him. President elect Obama has arranged for his first meeting with foreign leaders from other to demonstrate his foreign policy expertise. It's scheduled to run for five minutes. Q. What will America's national bird be when Obama takes office? A. His middle finger. Obama's staff is preparing for his first press conference as President. They're busy writing the questions. Q. What will the difference be between President Obama and Karl Marx? A. Nobody knows. Unlike former Presidents,...

U.S. President-elect Barack Obama's historic victory does not bode well for comedians who have thrived on jokes about President George W. Bush, experts say. Obama, who was backed by many Hollywood figures, will be inaugurated on January 20 as the United States' first black president against a backdrop of a global financial crisis and wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Whether because he was the favorite of left-leaning comics, the historic nature of his election or that so far he has made few gaffes, comedians are finding little to joke about so far.

While Americans choose their next president, let us consider a question more amenable to science: Which candidate's supporters have a better sense of humor? We began by asking nearly 300 people in Boston to rate the following three attempts at humor: A) Jake is about to chip onto the green at his local golf course when a long funeral procession passes by. He stops in midswing, doffs his cap, closes his eyes and bows in prayer. His playing companion is deeply impressed. "That's the most thoughtful and touching thing I've ever seen," he says. Jake replies, "Yeah, well, we were...

How many members of the Obama household does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. The room is illuminated by the light of Barack's halo.------------------- Knock, knock.Who's there? Obama.Obama who? "Sweethome" Al Obama--------------- How many members of the Obama household does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One. Barack holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.--------------- Knock, Knock.Who's there? BarackBarack who? If this place is barackin' don't come a knockin'------------- Now an unfunny one!How many members of the Obama household does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. President Obama outlawed incandecent lightbulbs in 2009,...

Having started my day by checking out the news and opinion on Free Republic, I'm depressed. This is no way to start the day, so I'm going to throw out some of the Obama jokes I've heard and a few I've made up on my own. Add to it. Nothing gets under the skin of the left like humor at their expense. What did Barack Obama ask when he learned that Russia invade Georgia? Is South Carolina next? What's the difference between Sarah Palin and Barack Obama? One is a well dressed, attractive piece of eye-candy. The other kills her...

Welcome To.... 'Amy's Place' welcomes all poets and those who enjoy poetry.'Amy's Place' is more than just about poetry.Come in, relax, and share with fellow FReepersyour thoughts about any of the things on the *Menu*. Enjoy! :) Never Forget! Bad Penny Amy's personal guardian ~ the ever charming, lovable, huggable, LouieWolf Many thanks for stopping by. : )

Our call for "community organizer" jokes brought some amusing ones: • Nelles Hamilton: What's the difference between a "community organizer" and a pit bull? Teeth. • Dagny Billings: What's the difference between a "community organizer" and a seeing-eye dog? Even a blind man can see the dog is actually helping someone. • Michael Roberson: What's the difference between a "community organizer" and a Chihuahua? The Chuhuahua will eventually shut up. • Bob Vorick: What's the difference between a "community organizer" and a puppy? One will grow up to become a loyal servant of mankind. • O. Nara: What's the difference...

Ten Jokes from the 2008 Democrat ConventionTen from the 2004 Convention Hillary;s about to speak at the 2008 DemConvo. With that in mind, we now present 20 Democrat Convention jokes. "The theme of the Democratic Convention is unity. Unfortunately they can't agree on how that works." --David Letterman "Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick will not be going to the Dem convo, yeah, having some problems. As you know he originally got in trouble for allegedly having an affair and lying about it, to which John Edwards said, 'That's illegal?'" --Jay Leno "This Thursday, Barack Obama is gonna give his acceptance speech,...

The joke's on McCain: Late-night comedians lay off Obama A hilarious new study of late-night political jokes, due to be released later today, finds the network comedians clearly avoiding humor about Democratic candidate Barack Obama, while piling the jokes on President Bush and Sens. John McCain and Hillary Clinton. The study by the Center for Media and Public Affairs finds that only cable's Comedy Central, whose primary comedians, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, more closely follow the day's headlines -- which have been dominated by Obama -- has slightly more jokes about the freshman Illinois senator. The study covered all...

In a survey of American women when asked, Would you sleep with President Clinton?, 86% replied "Not again!" Q: What is Bill Clinton's definition of safe sex? A: When Hillary is out of town. Q: What does Bill say to Hillary after a romantic interlude? A: "Honey, I'll be home in about 20 minutes." Q: How many women does it take to satisfy Bill Clinton's sexual appetite? A: It Takes A Village! Hillary is writing a new book: It Takes a Village to Keep an Eye on My Husband. What is Hillary's next book? It Takes a Village Idiot to...