Skip to comments.Obama’s Arrival in Heaven…
Posted on 07/11/2018 8:13:21 AM PDT by Oldpuppymax
Hat Tip: Wendy Gilmore Pollak
When Obama died, George Washington met him at the Pearly Gates. He slapped him across the face and yelled, "How dare you try to destroy the Nation I helped conceive?"
Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted, "You wanted to end our liberties, but you failed."
James Madison followed, kicked him in the groin and said, "This is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defense!"
Thomas Jefferson was next, beat Obama with a long cane and snarled, "It was evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of Independence."
The beatings and thrashings continued as James Monroe and 66 other early Americans unleashed their anger on the radical, socialist leader.
As Obama lay bleeding and in pain, an Angel appeared.
Obama wept and said, "This is not what you promised me."
The Angel replied, "I told you there would be 72 VIRGINIANS waiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I said?"
Big assumption about going to heaven...
Obamas Arrival in Heaven
Good story, but...NOT going to happen...hes NOT going there.
The founders said he couldn’t be President.
We should have listened.
Yeah right, just make sure this absolutely cannot ever, ever happen again. No muslim, no phony credentials, MUST be the natural born citizen and not with forged papers or numbers.
One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart-attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil meets him on entry...
“I don’t know what to do here,” says the devil. “You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’ve got a couple of folks here who weren’t quite as bad as you. I’ll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I’ll even let YOU decide who leaves.”
Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.
“No,” Obama said “I don’t think so. I’m not a good swimmer, and I don’t think I could do that all day long.”
The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
“No, this is no good; I’ve got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day,” commented Obama.
The devil opened a third door. Through it, Obama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
Obama looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, “Yeah man, I can handle this.”
The devil smiled and said........... (this is priceless):
“OK, Monica, you’re free to go.”
Obama arrived in Hell. Satan asked him “What’s your heart’s desire? I’ll let you spend eternity doing it!”
“Uh, I like to play golf! Yeah - gimme that!”
“Very well,” and with a snap of his fingers, Satan showed him a 36-hole course with a beautiful clubhouse, long fairways, perfectly placed hazards, rolling hills, and velvety greens.
“Wow!” exclaimed Obama. “This is great!”
Next the Devil gave him a set of clubs so well balanced that Barry felt he had been swinging them all his life. “Perfect - just perfect!” he said to the Prince of Darkness. “I’m glad you approve,” he smiled.
Out to the first tee they stepped, ready for a game. Obama said: What a course! Give me the ball. The Devil answered: Sorry .we have no golf balls here. Enjoy your eternity!”
Moses, Jesus, and an old man are playing golf.
On the final hole, there’s a water hazard between all 3 balls and the hole.
Moses putts directly at the water hazard, which promptly divides, allowing is ball to roll through and come to rest a couple of inches from the hole.
Jesus also putts directly at the water hazard, and his ball rolls across the surface of the water, coming to rest mere millimeters from the hole.
The old man takes out his driver. He wails on the ball which nearly disappears from sight before being intercepted by an eagle. The eagle is then struck by lightning, and the ball drops from its talons. Before it can touch the ground, a gopher catches the ball in its mouth, sprints across the green, and drops the ball into the hole.
Jesus says: “Nice shot, dad.”
I was thinking more along the lines of “When Obama and the Clintons died and got their assignments the first dead people they met were, Hitler, Stalin, and Mao...”
A muslim doesnt make it to Heaven except for the judgment.
How do you settle a presidential election when the vote is too close to call? With a fishing contest in northern Wisconsin in the winter, of course!
After the first round of votes were counted, Hillary and Donald were extra deadlocked. Instead of going through a recount, they agreed to a week-long ice fishing contest to settle the election. Whoever caught the most fish at the end of the week would be the President-elect.
They decided that a remote frozen lake in northern Wisconsin would be the ideal place. No observers on the fishing grounds, but both would need to have their catches verified and counted each night at 5 PM.
After Day 1, Trump returned with a total of 10 fish, Hillary came back with nothing.
Day 2 finished, and Trump caught another 20 fish, but Hillary once again came back with nothing.
That night, Hillary and her
cronies got together and accused Trump of being a
low-life, cheating %^&*(#*. Instead of fishing on Day 3, they were going to follow and to spy on him and figure out how he was cheating.
Day 3 finished up and Trump had an incredible day, adding 50 fish to his total. That night, Hillary and her Democratic cohorts got together for the full report on how Donald was cheating.
Hillary stood up to give her report and said, You are not going to believe this, hes cutting holes in the ice.
And this story, ... tells you the difference between a successful businessman and a career government politician.
Lake of Fire, table for one. Thanks Oldpuppymax.
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