How to Build Up Your Life from Nothing.

Metallicman ^ | Posted update 6-3-2019 | Editorial Staff

[southern rock]

You are obviously very triggered by my simple but rational comment that marriage holds no upside for men. You have a lot of audacity claiming that my advice to young men to avoid marriage is harmful, yet your advice as a proponent of marriage, is beneficial. You automatically operate under the assumption that your worldview is the correct one. I get it. You’re a woman, you’re religious. Marriage benefits you greatly. But I have a worldview as well. Not from anger, not from bitterness. Just from some very rational experience. Not even bad experience. Just experience.

And yes, I will continue to advise men on the verge of marriage against it. Young men, older men, clueless men. All of them. Because there is no need for it. There is no upside for them. This is a thread about building up your life. And that is my number one advice.

This is a great YouTube video that lays it out pretty well.

It is a response video, to a Prager U video pushing marriage on young men, narrated by a dolt named Brad Wilcox

I recommend this video to a lot of guys. I’m sure you would prefer the original video.

[Tammy8]

Worked for my son-in-law. He asked my daughter out...she said no, he would wait a month or so and ask again. She said the reason she did not want to date him is he was over confident to the point she thought he was “cocky” and she didn’t like men like that. One day she said yes, after she dated him she realized he was not a jerk just confident. They are happily married with a son. Funny thing the day he met her he told my other daughter he was going to marry her sister.

[Tammy8]

I find I do my best proof reading/editing when I print and proof read the old fashioned way. I am somehow challenged that I can’t spot errors on the screen.

[Tammy8]

The thing is that is a huge barrier to get people off of assistance. In many cases if they earn any money they get cut off or the amount is deducted from benefits. Which makes it really hard for people to actually get on their feet to get off the programs. Some areas have changed the laws and are now allowing a transition time to help get them from programs back into work force.

[vannrox]

I find I do my best proof reading/editing when I print and proof read the old fashioned way. I am somehow challenged that I can’t spot errors on the screen.

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OMG! You are so right! I’ll have to get my printer fixed and start doing that again. I don’t know what it is that way. But, that is exactly what I have to deal with. Thank you for that.

[ConservativeMind]

There are many upsides in getting married.

There are many downsides in marrying the wrong mind of woman.

It sounds like you are a walking failure.

[vannrox]

Being married is that best thing that ever happened to me. In fact, I just cannot contemplate a life alone without a woman around. But I have a traditional household, and there is a fixed division of responsibilities that make her life, and my life quite easy and happy.

I think that the reason why many people are against marriage is that all they know of marriage is that of a progressive marriage arrangement...one where everything is shared. Where there are no roles, no responsibilities and no structure.

The life that I have... traditional and fixed is like something out of the 1950's. But it works for me, and my wife is quite happy with the arrangement.

You can read about it here; The two type of families and how they work.

I argue, and read to see if you disagree with me, that a progressive alternative family living arrangement provides no benefit for either gender. In fact, it is much better for a man to be single, and live alone than get roped into a progressive lifestyle. As it offer him no advantage. In a like way, I also argue that this is true about women as well.

A traditional fixed familial relationship is the only way for a long-term stable and happy household.

[southern rock]

Oh no, you’re trying to shame me into changing my opinion lol! OK. Take up my challenge. Name one, just one upside for the man in marriage.

[Alas Babylon!]

I like it! I pretty much did most of the things of which you wrote, over my long life!

[ConservativeMind]

You live with your best friend and you are their best friend. You consequently don’t have to worry about them, save for their safety and they, yours.

For me, she is pretty smart, but was naive when we met (she says I opened her eyes on a lot of things). She admires me and loves being around me, and I, her.

She has a great sense of humor and appreciates mine. She loves it when I sing, while I can get by if I don’t hear her singing.

She likes guns and is a decent-looking tom boy who enjoys putting on Ann Taylor outfits, too. She likes dressing like a rocker chick, even though she is a decade or two beyond that. She is loyal and we didn’t have sex with others. We are Christians.

We complement each other and are generally patient, as well.

We have both put on weight since getting married, but we are working together to get it off again.

I thought I was not that stressed before meeting her, but I know being with her opened up another level of comfort and relaxation and happiness.

I had to hold off a long time before I met her, but she did for me, as well. I met her she was around 30 and I am a few years older than she is and that is what she wanted.

We love each other. She seems to think she needs to be even better for me and is okay with me being just what I am.

Life is very good, when married to the right kind of woman, but it requires being the right kind of man, in return.

I hope this helps.

[ozarkgirl]

In my case I think it’s ‘whatever works’ for that particular marriage. I work evenings so my husband is the primary cook, it works for us and he likes to do it. I am the primary housekeeper. We both work in the garden. He does the mowing - he’s rather particular about it and I guess I don’t do it right :)

I think a traditional marriage is a great model when there are children in the home. I applaud you honoring your wife by saying ‘marriage is the best thing ever’. I know there are many men who feel the same despite what the other FReeper believes.

I strongly believe the man is the head of the home, and so does my husband. I never could understand the appeal of the mamby pamby wussy man who allows his wife to run over him. I suppose I’m traditional in that way. I respect my husband as the head of the household but again, that works for us and besides he would never let me be the boss anyway. :)

[alexander_busek]

alexander_busek: And failed miserably, because he was a terrible human being!

BipolarBob: That doesn't matter in the least. There are lessons to be learned even from failure.

That makes about as much sense as illustrating an essay about personal integrity with images of "Gordon Gecko," or a pasting a treatise on the joys of a monastic religious life full with the coroner's photos of John Belushi.

Negative examples can be used sparingly to provide contrast, but should not be the main focus of an article.

Regards,

[alexander_busek]

The odds that they would recognize Dobbs, his role, or the movie role that he portrayed is minuscule.

True, that. From that perspective, there is nothing to be said against your usage of his images in this essay.

Regards,

[nutmeg]

.

[southern rock]

I hope this helps.

So from your description it sounds like you have a relationship with a woman that you enjoy spending time with. Of course, I would have advised you that you could have that without signing a very one-sided contract with the state. Emotionally mature relationships don’t even need involve cohabitation, much less the marriage contract which, as I have stated involve no upside for the man. I would advise an unmarried man that he could have everything that you described and maintain his autonomy and personal space. All while not being an indentured servant under authority of the government by signing a legal contract that places him in a very bad position.

[BipolarBob]

you would see that the pictures of Dobbs was ONLY for illustrative purposes. He was not used as much of an example, other than to depict a person who is out and down on his luck.

I immediately got it. Alex, not so much. I enjoyed the article and the effort to convey images for illustration. Ignore the naysayers. What do they post that is inspiring or informative?

[Responsibility2nd]

I know I'm not going to change your mind about the personal benefits to men about being married. But what about the fact that married men earn more than single men?

Links.

 

[southern rock]

But what about the fact that married men earn more than single men?

But are they better off? Of course not. Who are they earning that extre money for? Themselves? No. They are now supporting a household and are financially less well off. A single man does not need to earn more. A married man is an indentured servant who now has to work longer hours and earn more because of the foolish position he has put himself in. The is not an upside for the man. It is a negative. It is yet another upside for the woman only.

[ozarkgirl]

That’s beautiful :)