Posted on 03/22/2015 5:14:04 PM PDT by PROCON
I was looking through some real old FReeper threads and found one that has been repeated a few times over the years but might be fun again to post on a Sunday evening.
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Posted on 6/6/2003 7:55:04 PM by JoeSixPack1
OK LADIES - LEARN THE RULES!!!!!!
The Rules developed by National Fairness to Men Organization. This time like the "United States Constitution" these rules are developed by Men. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules for all women to live by! Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
Rules for Women to Live By
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be!
1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair and by then you're stuck with her.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do! Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials..
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. ALL men see only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.
“Fire in the hole!”
Thank you!
A bit of the Light Hearted Stuff is most welcomed!!
Good to be reminded of the basics now and again.
Yes, these are the rules, but I’m not planning to recite them to my wife. I’ll keep them to myself, I think.
Actually, I agree with most of these rules. However, about hair cuts — some of us women don’t look good in long hair. I don’t. When my hair grows to a certain length, I look like Bigfoot. So sorry — the hair gets cut about every 4 to 6 weeks.
Thanks for the good laugh.
Either that or learn how to use the plunger.
Laz, did this guy forget anything?
Talk to Sheryl Crow.
PROCON, You are the MAN!!!
We were all thinking this, but you came out and posted it. Yep, I’ll be sleeping out on the couch in the back yard :-)
Or not :,) time will tell!!!
It's only lighthearted to us men.
THAT isn't mentioned on the list.
I heard that!
this may get me in trouble but I HAVE to say that :...
Shopping for Shoes is akin to a Holy Pilgrimage for many woman
Indeed.
Pictures please?
Especially #1 !!
Once they get the dress, then they have to get ear rings to go with the dress.
The problem is, the shoes they got in the first place, don't go with the ear rings. So now they have to get a new pair of shoes.
That probably needs to be added to the list :-)
Accessorizing is a very expensive conundrum!!
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