Posted on 04/09/2017 4:13:53 AM PDT by sodpoodle
ENJOY - A Blonde's Year in Review l
January Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..... Helllloooo!!!........bottles won't fit in printer!!!
March Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months..... Box said ' 2-4 years!'
April Trapped on escalator for hours ... Power went out!!!
May
Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions.... 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June Tried to go water skiing....... Couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July Lost breast stroke swimming competition..... Learned later that the other swimmers cheated- they used their arms!!!
August Got locked out of my car in rain storm..... Darn car filled up with water because convertible top was open.
September The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it???
October Hate M & M's.....They are so hard to peel.
November Baked Thanksgiving turkey for 4 1/2 days ... Instructions said bake 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!
December
Couldn't call 911. 'Duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.
She opened it then slammed it shut and Stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, 'Is something wrong?'
To which she replied, 'There certainly is!' (Are you ready? This is a beauty... )
'My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL!'
This blonde looking for work sees a sign on a house: “PAINTER WANTED.” So she goes to the house and knocks on the door, telling the owner, “I’m here for the paint job.”
“OK. I want you to paint the porch. Everything is in the garage. I want you to scrape it, sand the rough spots, fill in any holes, one coat of primer and two coats of paint. Can you handle it? I’ll give you $500.”
She says, “No problem,” and she heads to the garage. After 9 hours, covered with sweat and paint, she knocks on the door and says “All finished.”
“you scrapped, sanded, filled in the holes? “Yes” “Primer and 2 coats of paint? “Yes” Handing over the money, the owner says, “I’ll check it out. I may have more work for you.” The blonde smiled and said, . “And oh, by the way, it’s not a Porch, it’s a Maserati.”
That is too funny;) Thx for the laugh.
My best blonde joke (and my OB/GYN use to howl with this one): A blonde isn’t feeling well at all so she goes to her doctor and describes all of her symptoms. The doctor does a physical and take blood samples for lab results. She comes back a few days later and the doctor says, “You aren’t sick. The symptoms you were experiencing are completely normal for women in your condition. You are pregnant”. The blonde stares at him completely dumbfounded and says, “How do you know it’s mine?”
A blonde walks into the doctor’s office for a first visit. The Doctor walks in and asks the woman to undress. She is a stunningly beautiful woman, and quickly removes her clothes. Standing there naked, the doctor is overcome with passion. He begins to caress her breasts, He asks, “Do you know what I’m doing?” She says, “You are checking for lumps and signs of breast cancer.” He inserts his finger into her vagina and begins a massage. He asks, “Do you know what I’m doing now?” She says, “You are checking for vaginal warts and other signs of STD” Overcome with lust, he drops his pants and penetrates the woman. He asks, “Do you know what I’m doing now?” She says, “You are getting Herpes, which is why I came here in the first place”
Bump!
A young ventriloquist was entertaining at our Toastmaster convention in San Diego.
With his dummy on his knee he starts going through the usual political and ethnic and finally dumb blonde jokes.
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands and starts shouting, “I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype blonde women that way? What does the color of a woman’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being?
“It’s men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people.
“Its people like you that make others think that all blondes actually are dumb!
“You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women and girls in general, pathetically all in the name of humor!”
There was dead silence.
The embarrassed young ventriloquist begins to apologize and explain his show, but the blonde yells: “You stay out of this! I’m talking to that little puke-bag on your lap.”
Monitor, keyboard, nose, coffee...etc.
4L8R
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