New Smart Thermostat Automatically Sets Temperature To Whatever Your Wife Wants

The Babylon Bee ^ | September 10, 2020 | The Babylon Bee

[Tolerance Sucks Rocks]

U.S.—Pioneering smart thermostat company Matrimostat announced a brand-new thermostat that will automatically set the temperature to whatever your wife wants.

“The Matrimostat 2000 uses advanced quantum technology to identify your wife’s temperature preference before she even mentions it --often before she even knows it!” says CTO Ted Shmarmanarf. “It’s a lot more challenging than it sounds. Research showed that many women don’t know what they want until at least an hour after they wish it had already happened, so the thermostat had to be able to accommodate for that.”

"Now this is one smart thermostat."

Shmarmanarf says that the solution involved patented scanners that measure not only the temperature of the house, but also the behaviors and mood of the female spouse. The scanner identifies whether the matriarch has recently wrapped herself in a blanket, put on a jacket, or made herself some hot tea, and uses an advanced algorithm to incorporate those behaviors into its temperature adjustments.

[Tolerance Sucks Rocks]

(Ducking)

DANG!

[Secret Agent Man]

So it changes several hundred times a day...

No thanks

[TigersEye]

LOL

The title alone made me laugh out loud.

No question that this one was satire.
Even if such technology did exist ... it wouldn’t work!

[abb]

Not possible. It would conflict with the Second Law of Thermodynamics - “When two initially isolated systems in separate but nearby regions of space, each in thermodynamic equilibrium with itself but not necessarily with each other, are then allowed to interact, they will eventually reach a mutual thermodynamic equilibrium.”

[KarlInOhio]

Can it dump liquid nitrogen into the vents for those times when she gives you “The Look”, like when you’re flipping through the channels and you stay too long on women’s beach volleyball?

[ocrp1982]

The MTBF with your compressor, the heater, and the blower drops down to a few hundred hours but, the wife is happy!

[cdcdawg]

So, it just adds 10 degrees to whatever I want?

[HangnJudge]

That works

[hawkaw]

😂

[dontreadthis]

but can it prove it?

[bunkerhill7]

Requires 500 teragigs of memory which costs $25,000

[dfwgator]

If a man is alone in a forest, and his wife isn’t around to hear him, is he still wrong?

[dfwgator]

It can never be too cold for me.

[Tolerance Sucks Rocks]

But it uses quantum technology, so if you inject some quantum particles into the wifey while other linked particles are in the air handler, she and the air handler will be able to keep up with her needs.

[Tolerance Sucks Rocks]

LOL!

[Tolerance Sucks Rocks]

Yep, hard to keep up with the Ol’ Lady.

[Gay State Conservative]

An excellent invention....domestic tranquility comes of such genius.

[Harmless Teddy Bear]

The air goes on when it is over 80 and the heat goes on when it is under 50.

Which means that unless we are away during the winter the heat never goes on and the air comes on maybe twice a year.

Oh, no we do not freeze, we have a wood stove that keeps the house very cozy in the winter.

This wife wants to keep the utility bills as low as possible.

[seawolf101]

I get the Look when I stop the channel on women doing yoga.