Posted on 10/05/2020 3:30:08 AM PDT by sodpoodle
An invisible man married an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
I didn’t think the chiropractor would improve my posture. But I stand corrected.
I took my new girlfriend out on our first date to the ice rink, and entry was half price. She called me a cheap skate.
Studies show cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them. It’s a case of in one ear and out the udder.
I used to date a girl with one leg who worked at a brewery. She was in charge of the hops.
My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. I found out she was seeing someone on the side.
My wife claims I’m the cheapest person she’s ever met. I’m not buying it.
Did you know that a raven has 17 rigid feathers called pinions, while a crow only has 16. The difference between a raven and a crow is just a matter of a pinion.
I told my carpenter I didn’t want carpeted steps. He gave me a blank stair.
What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up his own incision. Suture self. _,___
Did you hear about the canary that had AIDS? The doctor said it was untweetable.
My doctor told me that I only have 6 months to live. I told him “if you don’t mind I’d like a second opinion.” He said “OK, you’re ugly too.”
I’m too lazy to be a busy body!
Did you hear about the dehydrated Frenchman? His name was Pierre.
ha . Rodney Dangerfield
My doctor gave me only have 6 months to live. I told him “ But Doc, I can’t pay your bill” So he gave me another 6 months.
>>I used to date a girl with one leg who worked at a brewery. She was in charge of the hops.<<
I used to date a girl with one leg shorter than the other. Her name was Ilene.
Turns out it is a family genetic trait. Her Asian cousin has the same condition. Her name is Irene.
For posting that, you should be arrested and tried. It would be a no pun and shut case!
True story:
Back in my working daze, I was talking with a co-worker about nothing in particular. At one point he was unable to find his scissors and was rummaging around on his desk to find them.
I told him they must have cut out.
I’ve been to the dentist a lot. So I know the drill
Gotta get a Steven Wright in ….
“The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to the North Pole. Now Santa Claus is missing.”
Reads like Henny Youngman and Rodney Dangerfield trading old one-liners.
I have no opunion on the subject; but, objectively, one could be verbose.
How did the salt-water taffy get to the boardwalk? It took the chew-chew.
I read the news where a guy was arrested for indecent exposure but was released for lack of evidence.
So I says to my wife with the wooden leg, Peg ...
I told my wife that she’d drawn her eyebrows on too high... She looked surprised.
A guy had a photographic memory. Unfortunately it never develops. He got locked a darkroom for two weeks. He died of exposure. Laugh all you want; but it wasn’t a very pretty picture.
Another Steven Wright.
Lol
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