Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

Border Patrol Loses Horse Privileges, Must Now Bang Two Empty Halves Of Coconuts Together
The Babylon Bee ^ | September 21, 2021 | The Babylon Bee

Posted on 09/24/2021 5:51:44 AM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks

DEL RIO, TX—After horrific images surfaced showing horseback Border Patrol agents patrolling the border while on horseback, President Biden’s Secretary of Horses has temporarily revoked their privilege of doing their job while riding horses.

“Until the agents learn to behave in a manner that doesn't call attention to one of Biden’s many disasters, they cannot ride any horses, and must instead use these.” He then held up two empty coconut halves, demonstrating how they sound like horse hooves when banged together. A journalist from CNN asked if the sound was coming from a real horse.

Border agent Bob Arthur expressed disappointment in the decision but said he understands why it had to happen. “We Texans can get carried away once we hop on a horse. From up there, anything moving looks like a steer needing to be lassoed, hogtied, then branded. It’s good they revoked our horse privileges before we pulled out our standard-issue branding irons.”

Officer Gallahad of Border Patrol Central Command says the change has already produced positive results, such as increased capture of illegal immigrants. He credits the increase to the fact that immigrants facing this new coconut-laden threat are unable to flee while also laughing uncontrollably.

Fortunately for Border Patrol, most migrants are deciding to return to their home countries after hearing horror stories of vaccine ID restrictions unfairly targeting minority families in cities like New York City.


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Conspiracy; History; Humor; Local News; Miscellaneous; Society
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; borderpatrol; coconuts; delrio; horses; montypython; satire; scandal; texas
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-2021-28 next last
Prophetic article.
1 posted on 09/24/2021 5:51:44 AM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

the border patrol is guilty of patrolling the border. cant have that. they should be hiring travel agents.


2 posted on 09/24/2021 5:52:45 AM PDT by joshua c (Dump the LEFT. Cable tv, Big tech, national name brands)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

I say give the BP agents Harley Davidson motorcycles instead of horses.


3 posted on 09/24/2021 5:53:05 AM PDT by subterfuge (RIP T.P.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

4 posted on 09/24/2021 5:53:40 AM PDT by DoodleBob (Gravity's waiting period is about 9.8 m/s^2)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: DoodleBob

Where do you get that shirt?


5 posted on 09/24/2021 5:57:33 AM PDT by EvilCapitalist (Pets are no substitute for children.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
“No one expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise, fear and surprise; two chief weapons, fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency! Er, among our chief weapons are: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and near fanatical devotion to the Pope! Um, I'll come in again...” ― Monty Python
6 posted on 09/24/2021 5:59:28 AM PDT by GOPJ (Same people who supplied pallets of bricks for BLM are supplying tent poles for illegals.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Patsy


7 posted on 09/24/2021 6:00:13 AM PDT by Vaquero (Don't pick a fight with an old guy. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you. )
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

African swallow grabs it by the husk.


8 posted on 09/24/2021 6:01:36 AM PDT by Vaquero (Don't pick a fight with an old guy. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you. )
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
A journalist from CNN asked if the sound was coming from a real horse.

These little asides are what makes the Bee the best.

9 posted on 09/24/2021 6:03:26 AM PDT by Sirius Lee (They intend to murder us. Prep if you want to live and live like you are prepping for eternal life)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Actually its not prophetic- its a take on Monty Python: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6NbCNA0mAtM


10 posted on 09/24/2021 6:06:34 AM PDT by God luvs America (63.5 million pay no income tax and vote for DemoKrats...)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Vaquero

“A swallow carrying a coconut?””


11 posted on 09/24/2021 6:08:13 AM PDT by God luvs America (63.5 million pay no income tax and vote for DemoKrats...)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8 | View Replies]

To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

If anyone was in the Oval Office but Xiden, I’d know this was satire. With old Joe in there, however...!


12 posted on 09/24/2021 6:10:03 AM PDT by Ratman0823 (Always remember: "Figures don't lie, but liars figure")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: DoodleBob

493 wing beats per second!


13 posted on 09/24/2021 6:14:03 AM PDT by cdcdawg (The vaccines don't work)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: joshua c

Maxine Waters told Biden to back off. Biden saluted and said “yes mam.”


14 posted on 09/24/2021 6:15:27 AM PDT by FreedBird
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

The principal weapon to push back the invaders is now limited to farting in their general direction.


15 posted on 09/24/2021 6:22:20 AM PDT by P-Marlowe (I got the <ΙΧΘΥΣ>< variant. Catch it. John 3:16)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: God luvs America

Is it an African swallow or a European swallow?

A King has to know these things.


16 posted on 09/24/2021 6:30:01 AM PDT by stanne
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 11 | View Replies]

To: EvilCapitalist

We all want to know!
:-)


17 posted on 09/24/2021 6:33:42 AM PDT by Zathras
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 5 | View Replies]

To: stanne

A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut!


18 posted on 09/24/2021 6:37:03 AM PDT by God luvs America (63.5 million pay no income tax and vote for DemoKrats...)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 16 | View Replies]

To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

I almost expect a federal mandate that all border patrol horses be euthanized because they are obviously racists and have been trained to attack brown and black people. In addition, any ranch who trains young cutting horses will be monitored for their training activities.


19 posted on 09/24/2021 6:46:31 AM PDT by Toespi
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Zoot has come up with a solution to the Border Problem.

Build a high tower, and place a “False USA Beacon” in it. Heading SOUTH.

I know.

Naughty, Wicked Zoot! :-)


20 posted on 09/24/2021 6:59:43 AM PDT by left that other site (Never lie to someone who trusts you; and never trust someone who has ever lied to you.(NCIS Gibbs))
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-2021-28 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson