Only 22 demands? Those are rookie numbers
Posted on 09/30/2023 11:16:17 AM PDT by xp38
After years of suffering under unfair labor practices, the Bee writers are going on strike. Support us by reading this article and then by joining us on the picket line. We will not get back to work until every single one of these demands is met. They are very reasonable!
Demands:
1. CEO Seth Dillon agrees to begin paying us
2. More gruel at lunchtime
3. Bowing to the golden Trump statue when the music plays is no longer mandatory
4. Seth agrees to stop whipping us and yelling, "Be funnier!"
5. Iron Maiden pinball machine in the breakroom
6. Cut Editor-in-Chief Kyle Mann's daily readings of Lord of the Rings to weekly
7. The company will no longer hire male writers based on hotness
8. Must offer actual benefits instead of just the promise of an annual high-five
9. Kyle agrees to stop walking by our desks saying "Working hard or hardly working?"
10. Stop referring to female writers as "work hags" or "headline wenches"
11. Weekend visits with family
12. One can of Yuban coffee
13. The company cannot force us to write more than 25 AOC jokes a day
14. We will no longer be required to refer to the CEO as "Seth Dillon, may he live forever"
15. Kyle must learn all our names
16. Writers will now have the right to make fun of Elon Musk
17. 4-hour games of Catan on Wednesdays are now optional
18. Increase the party planning committee budget to $50
19. Y2K-compliant computers
20. A window
21. Replace us with AI. Please. And as soon as possible
22. No more listicles
We reserve the right to say we were just joking and go back to work if the company tries to fire us. That's one of the best things about working for the Bee, you can laugh off anything as a joke. But seriously, we have families.
Only 22 demands? Those are rookie numbers
LOL.
5.56mm
Pay? What, pay these ink-stained wretches? Are there no workhouses?
Bet there is never a dull moment in this workplace. Wonder how many ribs hurt at quitting time. lol
It must be a blast in that office. Probably similar to the way the Simpsons was in the first several seasons.
No pickleball court?
You’ll eat those words when Biden joins you on the picket line.
Can we at least get them that Iron Maiden pinball machine for crying out loud???
....and make society stop rendering satire impossible!
I was thinking the same, so unlike many offices these days.
Re #22: “In journalism and blogging, a listicle is an article that is structured as a list, which is often fleshed out with additional text relating to each item. A typical listicle will prominently feature a cardinal number in its title, with subsequent subheadings within the text itself reflecting this schema. The word is a portmanteau derived from list and article. A ranked listicle implies a qualitative judgement, conveyed by the order of the topics within the text.”
Ok, I’m done for today. I met my goal of leaning one new thing every day.
Great stuff.
Look for the union label.
hm... in this case, it’s onion label.
meh... Since the Bee supports Desantis. the writers should quit the strike and just quit.
7. The company will no longer hire male writers based on hotness
8. Must offer actual benefits instead of just the promise of an annual high-five
9. Kyle agrees to stop walking by our desks saying “Working hard or hardly working?”
11. Weekend visits with family
12. One can of Yuban coffee
18. Increase the party planning committee budget to $50
19. Y2K-compliant computers
20. A window
21. Replace us with AI. Please. And as soon as pos
_______________________________
ping
Cute.
Totally unreasonable.
Should be the entire day.
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