KIDS ASK DOUG FROM UPLAND - No. 4

Kids Ask Doug from Upland series | 11-7-03 | dfu

[doug from upland]

No. 1
No. 2
No. 3

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Dear Doug from Upland:

My teacher has told our class that Bill Clinton was impeached for having a relationship with a young woman who was an intern in the White House. She says that the Republicans were very mean and stupid to impeach him. She also told us that what a man and woman do in privacy is none of our business.

What she says seems to make sense about privacy, but didn't Clinton tell a lie or something. I have always been taught that lying was bad.

Sheila, age 10
Yakima, Washington

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Dear Sheila:

Your teacher needs to stay after school until she learns to tell the truth. Of course, she may actually have drunk the Clinton Kool-Aide and not realize the truth. She is woefully ignorant about the facts surrounding the impeachment of William Jefferson Blythe Clinton.

Clinton had an affair with a girl about the age of his daughter. He was a dirty old man.

We pay the salaries of those whom we elect to office. We expect them to be doing their jobs and not just doing something to benefit themselves. Clinton was involved with the young woman, a government employee, in a federal workplace and during working hours. Instead of doing his job, he was playing naked games with the intern.

I'm sure you've seen on TV how our court system works. If someone swears to tell the truth under oath, they should tell the truth. Clinton swore to tell the truth but lied (also called "perjury") over and over and over and over again. He lied about everything.

The reason Clinton was in court in the first place is that he was trying to force an employee to do something nasty in the workplace while she was on duty at the time he was the governor of Arkansas. Not only did he lie about that, but he tried to get others to lie and prevent that woman from having her fair day in court when she sued him.

A witness who was supposed to testify had the lives of her children threatened. She was also assaulted by Clinton in the White House when she came there pleading for a job. Another woman had been viciously bitten and attacked by Clinton. The stories go on and on and on. He used his position and government resources to try to have his way with women. Some of the women were given government jobs. He lied about that when he testified. He also lied when he said he never sexually harassed a woman. He presented a false affidavit to the court. He had many people around him who were government employees spending their time covering his worthless posterior instead of doing their jobs.

Your teacher should be ashamed for telling lies to the class. Please suggest that she use the following words for next week's spelling list: scumbag, slimeball, perjury, intimidation, affidavit, pervert, impeachment, stain, disbar, lowlife, criminal, cigar, sink, and evidence.

If it would help, tell your teacher that I would be pleased to do a webcast for a half hour for your class to explain the truth about what Clinton did and why he should be spending his remaining years in a 6 x 9 cell with his evil wife on Alcatraz. It goes way beyond the issue discussed here.

Your friend,

Doug from Upland

[ml/nj]

Dear Doug from Upland,

What about the questions Jesse Jackson and other Blacks were asking in the days just before the whole Monica thing broke about the bullet hole in Ron Brown's head? Do you think you may have been fooled by the old presto-changeo trick?

Love, ML/NJ

[doug from upland]

There was no bullet hole in Ron Brown's head. Clinton was not laughing at the funeral. And Hillary is not a b*itch. I hope that clears it up for the Art Bell audience.

[visualops]

lol yr killin me

[ml/nj]

There was no bullet hole in Ron Brown's head. Clinton was not laughing at the funeral. And Hillary is not a b*itch. I hope that clears it up for the Art Bell audience.

Dear DFU, Thanks for the reply. I guess that straightens everything out. But who is Art Bell?

ML/NJ

[doug from upland]

Art Bell is a radio host who believes in every whacked out scientific conspiracy ever invented. If a caller claimed that the ghost of Hitler had sex with a goat that came from another galaxy and the result was Hillary Clinton, he would be it. Hey, wait. I believe that one.

[doug from upland]

Not "he would be it." He would believe it.

[GeronL]

Dear Doug didn't Art Bell retire over a year ago because of back problems? ... and no I will not mention getting hooked on pain pills to keep his show going, I will NOT do it!

[Cicero]

Dear Doug from Upland:

Now I'm getting curious. If there was no hole in Ron Brown's head, why did three military forensic specialists tell a reporter that there was, and that they had seen it? And where did that x-ray come from that was posted on the internet, which one of the forensic specialists had been using for his slide shows, with a ruler below it showing that the hole was approximately .45" in diameter?

I should explain that even though I'm only 12 years old, I'm a computer geek and I like to surf the net.

Sincerely,

Johnny from LA

[doug from upland]

He actually came back a month or so ago and does a show on Saturday and Sunday night. Did you know that Art is the reincarnation of a rod that escaped from a black hole?

[GeronL]

He came back?? geez.

[doug from upland]

No 11 is not a sexual reference. A rod is some kind of creature that floats through the air a incredible speed and shares our world. The black hole refers to a collapsed star.

[doug from upland]

You have been listening to too much right wing hate talk radio.

[GeronL]

It was Terry McAllife who shot Ron Brown in the head before jumping out of the plane with a parachute and then blowing up the plane by remote control. He then flew an SR-71 back to DC in time for a dinner party that night with Chinese military bhuddists.

[GeronL]

Actually I knew what a rod was. I saw a TV show about them. I don't know what those things were but I doubt they were alive.

[nicmarlo]

Dear Doug,

I saw a picture of Clinton with tears in his eyes at Ron Brown's funeral. Doesn't this mean he was really crying, or what he just pretending?

Nicmarlo
From NY, CA, CO, and NY (again)

[doug from upland]

I just thought I would clarify it since I used rod and black hole together. I know what the male audience is like here. :)

[doug from upland]

There is nothing about the man that is not phony.

[Poohbah]

Most countries prefer the term "hypermass" to avoid offensive connotations re: "black hole."