Barry Bonds sings "Undetectable"

Balco de Mayo | Charlie Henrickson, the wag tailoring the doggerel

[Charles Henrickson]

UNDETECTABLE
Tune: "Unforgettable"
As sung by Barry "U.S.D.A." Bonds

Undetectable, the cream, the clear
Some injectable, right in my rear
Like a shot of stuff for human growth
Do one cheek, then go and do 'em both
Never before
Have steroids been more

Undetectable in every way
Unconnectible, that's how I'll stay
Look at me, see the incredible
Bulk I've gained but not by edible
Means I gained it from some spreadable goo

Unregrettable, well worth the risk
Record-settable, no asterisk
Chasing Aaron, catching up to Ruth
Couldn't care less if I tell the truth
What matters more
Is home runs galore

Undetectable each time I pee
Random-testable, you won't catch me
As for me, it's incontestable
What this does is so incredible:
Swells my head and shrinks my testicles too

[Charles Henrickson]

Last night Barry Bonds hit #713, to move within one of Ruth.

In honor of Barry I'm celebrating today as Balco de Mayo.

[Crispus Attucks Patriot]

I think he should be banned from baseball immediately.

And ANY pitcher who gives him anything close to being hittable should immediately be sent to class-A ball.

These records should never be allowed to fall to a juiced-up moron.

[dhs12345]

They really shouldn't be comparing steroid free player's records with players who used steroids (if it can be proven).

Why I don't watch the game anymore.

[thinkthenpost]

I will be rooting for Barry as he passes the Babe, and I will also be rooting if he approaches or passes Hank Aaron.

I will say this, it would have been nice if the Giants had brought in some pitching and made a serious run

[Finop]

You will be rooting for a cheater?

[GulfWar1Vet]

Why?

[Petronski]

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[Fighting Irish]

Looks "Juiced" to me .... or a major roid problem....

[ClearCase_guy]

And ANY pitcher who gives him anything close to being hittable should immediately be sent to class-A ball.

I feel similarly. On the other hand, if the pitcher were to shout out "Fast ball! Right across the plate!" and then throw a fast ball right across the plate, it might take away from the home run that followed. And, when interviewed, perhaps the pitcher could heap scorn on Bonds achievement.

The homerun will be hit (unfortunately). I'd just like to see it occur within a context that diminishes it.

[kinoxi]

undetectable.. in every way... :)

[Horatio Gates]

LOL!

[thinkthenpost]

Thanks for asking,
Basically I blame MLB for not having its act together. The other major sports seem to ban substances make clear what is banned and suspend folks using those substances. Baseball seemed to look the other way and ride those wide shoulders to new found popularity following the strike of '94. I also think many folks who loudly complain about Barry's #'s and screech about the purity of the game are hypocrites, many baseball players anything they could to try to get an edge, sometimes just uppers to make it out of the dugout after last nights bender, but I really don't see much of a difference. Finally, the sportswriters hate Mr. Bonds, I know he's an ass, but then so are MANY sportswriters and that's good enough for me.

[romanesq]

That's a reasonable perspective but it doesn't really provide the impetus to put Barry ahead of Ruth or Hank.

I'm still hoping Hank remains where he belongs. Way ahead.

[TexasCajun]

Barry Bonds Home Runs 713

* Substance Enhanced Performace

[SF Republican]

impetus to put Barry ahead of Ruth or Hank - they are not putting him anywhere, he is hitting his way there substance abuse or not he is still hitting major league pitches from major league pitchers out of the ballpark. IMO he will not pass Henry Aaron.

[thinkthenpost]

Barry Bonds balky knee and this being the last year of his contract with SF, short of DHing in the AL you may get you wish. I don't think he can catch Hank this year.

[SF Republican]

impetus to put Barry ahead of Ruth or Hank - they are not putting him anywhere, he is hitting his way there substance abuse or not he is still hitting major league pitches from major league pitchers out of the ballpark. This part of his journey is providing no joy to anyone. IMO he will not pass Henry Aaron.

[Rakkasan1]

or have a roid league and a real league. kinda like NCAA wrestling and WWE.

[texan75010]

He will never be recognized as legitimate. Any accomplishment he may achieve in the future will forever lay in the shadow of his steroid use.

The evil that men do lives after them, the good is oft interred with their bones. In Bond's case, this will be well deserved.

[romanesq]

Notwithstanding a tremendous shot last night and a really powerful short stroke, the folks at MLB certainly do have an issue on their hands. An asterisk however can be placed at any time, perhaps a double asterisk would be in order.

I thought Barry might be done already but his steroid wracked joints seem to have benefitted lately from the human growth hormone he's now on.

Are you really a SF Republican. I thought being a libertarian in NYC was rare, but you may have topped me.