Posted on 10/27/2006 7:33:37 AM PDT by MockTurtle
FRIEND'S ADVICE TO PREGNANT TEEN TAKES A TRAGIC TURN
DEAR ABBY: I am extremely shaken by a recent experience, and I want to share this with other parents who may one day find themselves in a similar situation. My daughter, "Mary," is almost 18 and in the 12th grade. We have always had a close relationship. She has always come to me to talk about what's going on in her life -- friends, crushes, school, just about everything. A few months ago, Mary told me about a terrible situation concerning one of her classmates. "Jill" had just learned that she was pregnant and was frantic. She told Mary that she couldn't tell her parents because she was afraid of a violent reaction.
Mary was so worried about Jill that she came to me for help. After hearing the story, I encouraged my daughter to tell Jill to talk to her parents. I never imagined what would happen next.
I knew from things Mary had said that Jill's parents were hard on her, but I didn't know the extent of her problems at home. When Jill took my advice and told her parents she was pregnant, her father beat her so badly she ended up in the hospital and lost the baby.
Abby, you can't imagine how terrible I feel about this. Jill will never be the same, and I feel I am to blame. I wish I had known how to protect her from a dangerous and violent situation at home.
I hope you will share this letter with other concerned parents and give your thoughts on this heart-wrenching problem. -- SHOCKED AND SADDENED IN SHERMAN OAKS, CALIF.
DEAR SHOCKED: Please stop being so hard on yourself. You advised your daughter's friend to do what most other parents would have. What you failed to take into consideration was the fact that many teens live in homes where there is violence, abuse, drug problems and incest
A year ago here in California, there was an attempt to legislate "parental notification" into law. Fortunately, it was voted down. It's teens like your daughter's friend who would have been harmed by this kind of law. They certainly cannot go to their parents -- and I have never believed that the law can successfully force this kind of communication with the home.
Of course parents want their children -- regardless of age -- to come to them if there is a crisis. And I am told that seven out of 10 teens who find themselves pregnant do exactly that. However, those who don't usually have a good reason for not doing so. Teens like the girl in your letter need counseling and care, not laws forcing them to face abusive parents. I'm glad you wrote to me. Your sad story is a lesson for other well-meaning adults.
some mornings I scan the dear abby column and it's clear the writer isn't that bright.
How can you say it's easy for the man? You're not a man. How can you know what it's like to be a man? Please do not discount the feelings (normal) men have for the "flesh of their flesh, bone of their bone."
""parental notification" into law. Fortunately, it was voted down."
Yes, the nazi's voted that the state could take your child, perform surgery on them and all without telling anyone.
Hitler and Mengela did this and so did the California voters.
Good find.
This statement is just absurd.
Its not absurd, claiming there are many is not absurd.
Statistically they may be a small percentage of the teen population, but even 1% (Which is a small percentage of the teen population) adds up to MANY individuals. Even .1% would be MANY individuals, even if it is a statistically small percentage. I think the issue here is the parent didn't take the childs warning about her parents harming her seriously, because nearly all teens are meladramatic about their parents "killing them" for this or that. So most folks would never bother to ask a kid, "Do your parents abuse or beat you?" when they hear such a statement, the defacto just assume is the usual teenage drama and angst. Unfortunately there are indeed situations where it isn't, and now this person knows that for this girl they aren't.
Hopefully this "parent" will now face the full brunt of the law and be locked up for a long long time, if not worse.
Dear Abby letter regarding parental notification--see post #21 as well. What a load!
See post #21. This letter is a load of doo doo.
The letter never even mentioned abortion and Abby has no idea if it was even considered. The girl may have had to tell her parents because she was bound to start showing her pregnancy eventually. Abby just assumes she wanted an abortion, sick.
I signed up for a series of massages and they told me that if I was under 18 I had to have my parents' permission.
Abortion, no parental permission.
Massage, must have parental permission.
By the way, even my dog knows this letter is bogus.
Did you notice, both letters came in October - before elections?
I'm kinda amazed from the opposite side.
If I had gotten preggers as a teen,
I'd have been dead.
No joke....that was one of those unforgivables, 'you're damned forever so I'll take you out' sins.
I know girls who got the crapped kicked out of them for getting pregnant.... It was a warning to the rest of us I guess.
With that being said, I think the letter is a hoax.
I think this letter is 100% bogus. A man who would brutally beat his pregnant teenage daughter doesn't do something like that out of nowhere. Brutes like that preside over chaotic, unhappy households and a teenager living in such a household would not be the type of naive girl who would take a friend's middle class mother's advice about approaching her father. A man who would beat his pregnant daughter would have beaten her before she was pregnant, too, and his daughter would be far more likely to run away than to confront her father. This letter is a fraud and either the letter writer or Abby herself is a liar.
"..we knew better, and finally convinced her that the best thing was to tell her parents, have the baby, and get on with her life"
From what I understand, Planned Parenthood, NEVER convinces them to have the baby.
Yep! She's dead. I believe there are 2 women doing the column now. Not sure if they are related to her or not. I read that letter also and it smelled to me also. I doubt anyone wrote that letter. It was a scam.
That was my instinct as well. Pure fiction.
A lot of the letters are obviously made-up, cater to left-wing stereotypes of us ignorant hicks in flyover country.
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