From the article.
Posted on 04/10/2018 9:52:56 AM PDT by fishtank
Facebook Staffers Coach Mark Zuckerberg On Humanlike Behavior Ahead Of Congressional Testimony
April 9, 2018
MENLO PARK, CA—According to sources from within Facebook headquarters, interns and staffers at the social network were training Mark Zuckerberg on how to act human ahead of his expected congressional testimony this week.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
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(But is parody more true than fake news?)
From the article.
He’s going to lie about how those evil republicans stole data from those innocent people, and how he knew nothing about it and poor me etc.
Filthy liar.
“And remember...don’t sneer or call anyone a stupid, useless parasite.”
Hysterical.
He will not be under oath. Waste of time.
“The Bee is parody.”
Not this time.
Lying or ‘materially misleading’ Congress is a felony regardless of whether an oath is administered. When an oath is sworn in Congressional hearings, it’s just a scene for the TV show.
Ahhhh, from Godlike to Humanlike.
“Waste of time.”
Good propaganda, though. I bet he says enough to get low-information voters all fired up about the “need for regulation” to prevent anyone but progressives to use data mining tools in elections.
Couple that with nationalized elections (to prevent Russian Hacking) and it just might sew it all up.
I am opposed to the gov getting involved with protecting our security. FB needs some serious fixing for privacy; the marketplace will cause that to happen. The gov doesn’t care about our security (has Equifax-style data collection been stopped?). The gov involved would take away freedom of speech from those with outlier viewpoints.
“Human” isn’t his problem. His problem is attempting to act like a man and NOT a ten year old boy...
Thank goodness this is satire, or it would be insulting to Aspies and other gifted folks who have difficulties with social cues.
I am so glad I looked into the Bee a little more. What a great sight and I LOVE sarcasm. God doesn’t use it much but I did see it once.
“The most important thing is to maintain eye contact for 50 to 75 percent of the time. No more, no less.”
Twit into Human , Impossible
He is on the spectrum. Which clearly accounts for much of his behavior.
If this is the case, sitting in front of a Congressional hearing and not “exploding” is going to be torture for this guy.
I will have to get some popcorn.
“We didn’t have a lot to work with,” Facebook’s human behavior specialist told reporters. “He kept using terms like ‘assimilate all earthlings,’ ‘world conquest,’ and ‘everyone will die in a fiery death but I will go on.’ I think we’ve made a lot of progress, all things considered.”
Hilarious. This will be must see TV.
I love criticizing the Zuck, but he is an interesting person—a sociopath with Aspergers—very rare indeed.
(Translation: his lies are stupid and transparent—he is no Bill Clinton.)
Zuckerturd is the typical liberal billionaire narcissist. We give him too much power “buying” his product/service, utilizing it as a necessity and divulging personal information (of course never bothering to read pages of disclosures. Who does?). My problem is tyrannical government which is absolutely worthless and criminal in its disregard to the Constitution. We are beyond Orwellian Dystopia in our privacy, security and liberty. The fact that they sit on their high horse asking questions is pathetic. I am not defending Facebook but this Congressional hearing is useless and all for show for both parties.
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