Skip to comments.satire - Senate To Be Replaced With Room Full Of Monkeys Throwing Feces
Posted on 09/28/2018 2:38:57 PM PDT by Sub-Driver
Senate To Be Replaced With Room Full Of Monkeys Throwing Feces
September 28th, 2018
WASHINGTON, D.C.In an emergency, overnight referendum, the American people voted on Thursday to replace the United States Senate with a room full of monkeys throwing feces. The measure passed with 57% of the vote. 22% of voters thought the Senate should be replaced by barking seals, while 17% voted that the replacement should be the pit of venomous snakes from Indiana Jones. 3.97% voted that Senate members be replaced by screaming goats. "About 100 people" voted for the current Senators to keep their jobs, with this tiny voting bloc centered in Washington, D.C.
Highland Ape Rescue out of West Virginia will be teaming up with Cornwell Primate farms to supply hundreds of monkeys and apes to the Senate. The animals will be fed a nutritious mixture of foods that produce easily throwable feces. Protective glass will be put up around the Senate for camera crews to safely film, but anyone being interviewed by the new senators will have to sit in the middle of the poo-flinging octagon, coming under a heavy barrage of projectile excrement.
It will be a huge improvement from how things were before, said ape trainer, Marlena Henwick. No more 10-12 hour hearings. With these monkeys, all the fecal projectiles will have been flung in under 30 minutes. One and done.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
So no change.
Monkeys throwing feces would be an improvement on multiple levels. Fewer bad laws, less drama and conniving. A much higher level of honesty (because I don’t believe monkeys are capable of deceit).
Vote Rage Monkey - 2018!
At first I thought this was satire and a joke, but then I watched Senate proceedings on the Kavanaugh issue yesterday. Truth is stranger than fiction...
It will smell better because they will be less $hit flying around.
How will we be able to tell the difference?
It actually sounds like a major improvement.
Senate To Be Replaced With Room Full Of Feces.
It will still smell the same, but you can close the
door on it and not have to worry about how it can
screw up your life.
At least the bribes will be a whole lot cheaper. Bananas are much less expensive than Mercedes benzes
As long as half are male, half femake, and half ‘other’.
Thank God we will finally have a Senate with some integrity. I guess this is how Planet of the Apes started.
Very funny, but how does this make feces throwing monkeys feel?
That’s my line.
Monkeys Throwing Feces
It would be no worse. It might be an improvement.
Monkey jokes are RACIST! /sarc
Oh, so decorum will finally be introduced.
We’re increasing the government IQ quotient.
Sounds good to me. That is what the entire Congress is in my humble opinion.
Growing up a friend had a jealous male monkey and a female in the same large cage. If you petted the female, the male would crap in his hand and throw it at you.
At age 12 or 13 it was hilarious.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.