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satire - Senate To Be Replaced With Room Full Of Monkeys Throwing Feces
babylonbee.com ^

Posted on 09/28/2018 2:38:57 PM PDT by Sub-Driver

Senate To Be Replaced With Room Full Of Monkeys Throwing Feces

September 28th, 2018

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an emergency, overnight referendum, the American people voted on Thursday to replace the United States Senate with a room full of monkeys throwing feces. The measure passed with 57% of the vote. 22% of voters thought the Senate should be replaced by barking seals, while 17% voted that the replacement should be the pit of venomous snakes from Indiana Jones. 3.97% voted that Senate members be replaced by screaming goats. "About 100 people" voted for the current Senators to keep their jobs, with this tiny voting bloc centered in Washington, D.C.

Highland Ape Rescue out of West Virginia will be teaming up with Cornwell Primate farms to supply hundreds of monkeys and apes to the Senate. The animals will be fed a nutritious mixture of foods that produce easily throwable feces. Protective glass will be put up around the Senate for camera crews to safely film, but anyone being interviewed by the new senators will have to sit in the middle of the poo-flinging octagon, coming under a heavy barrage of projectile excrement.

“It will be a huge improvement from how things were before,” said ape trainer, Marlena Henwick. “No more 10-12 hour hearings. With these monkeys, all the fecal projectiles will have been flung in under 30 minutes. One and done.”

(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: satire
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Yep...........
1 posted on 09/28/2018 2:38:57 PM PDT by Sub-Driver
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To: Sub-Driver

So no change.


2 posted on 09/28/2018 2:40:23 PM PDT by lastchance (Credo.)
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To: Sub-Driver

Monkeys throwing feces would be an improvement on multiple levels. Fewer bad laws, less drama and conniving. A much higher level of honesty (because I don’t believe monkeys are capable of deceit).

Vote Rage Monkey - 2018!


3 posted on 09/28/2018 2:41:03 PM PDT by Two Kids' Dad (((( Sessions couldn't find his own ass if Al Franken was grabbing it at the time ))))
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To: Sub-Driver

At first I thought this was satire and a joke, but then I watched Senate proceedings on the Kavanaugh issue yesterday. Truth is stranger than fiction...


4 posted on 09/28/2018 2:43:46 PM PDT by roadcat
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To: Sub-Driver

It will smell better because they will be less $hit flying around.


5 posted on 09/28/2018 2:43:49 PM PDT by ImJustAnotherOkie (All I know is what I read in the papers.)
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To: Sub-Driver

How will we be able to tell the difference?


6 posted on 09/28/2018 2:46:05 PM PDT by faithhopecharity ("Politicians aren't born, they're excreted." -Marcus Tillius Cicero (3 BCE))
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To: Sub-Driver

It actually sounds like a major improvement.


7 posted on 09/28/2018 2:46:46 PM PDT by faithhopecharity ("Politicians aren't born, they're excreted." -Marcus Tillius Cicero (3 BCE))
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To: Sub-Driver

Senate To Be Replaced With Room Full Of Feces.

It will still smell the same, but you can close the
door on it and not have to worry about how it can
screw up your life.


8 posted on 09/28/2018 2:47:37 PM PDT by tet68 ( " We would not die in that man's company, that fears his fellowship to die with us...." Henry V.)
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To: Sub-Driver

At least the bribes will be a whole lot cheaper. Bananas are much less expensive than Mercedes benzes


9 posted on 09/28/2018 2:47:44 PM PDT by faithhopecharity ("Politicians aren't born, they're excreted." -Marcus Tillius Cicero (3 BCE))
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To: Sub-Driver

As long as half are male, half femake, and half ‘other’.
Diversity!


10 posted on 09/28/2018 2:49:19 PM PDT by mrsmith (Dumb sluts: Lifeblood of the Media, Backbone of the Democrat/RINO Party!)
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To: Sub-Driver

Thank God we will finally have a Senate with some integrity. I guess this is how Planet of the Apes started.


11 posted on 09/28/2018 2:55:37 PM PDT by wastoute (Government cannot redistribute wealth. Government can only redistribute poverty.uences.)
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To: Sub-Driver

Very funny, but how does this make feces throwing monkeys feel?


12 posted on 09/28/2018 3:00:10 PM PDT by NYAmerican
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To: Sub-Driver

MTF
That’s my line.
Monkeys Throwing Feces


13 posted on 09/28/2018 3:04:47 PM PDT by Titus-Maximus (The trouble with socialism is that you soon run out of other people's zoo animals to eat.)
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To: Sub-Driver

It would be no worse. It might be an improvement.


14 posted on 09/28/2018 3:24:10 PM PDT by Rummyfan (In any war between the civilized man and the savage, support the civilized man. Support Israel.)
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To: NYAmerican

#monkeytoo


15 posted on 09/28/2018 3:25:19 PM PDT by funfan
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To: Sub-Driver

Monkey jokes are RACIST! /sarc


16 posted on 09/28/2018 3:25:53 PM PDT by madprof98
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To: Sub-Driver

Oh, so decorum will finally be introduced.


17 posted on 09/28/2018 3:26:33 PM PDT by Old Yeller (Auto-correct has become my worst enema.)
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To: Sub-Driver

We’re increasing the government IQ quotient.


18 posted on 09/28/2018 3:26:38 PM PDT by Retvet (Retvet)
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To: Sub-Driver

Sounds good to me. That is what the entire Congress is in my humble opinion.


19 posted on 09/28/2018 3:27:23 PM PDT by RetiredArmy (We are in the Last Days of human history. Jesus is coming back, & soon! Do U know Him?)
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To: Sub-Driver

Growing up a friend had a jealous male monkey and a female in the same large cage. If you petted the female, the male would crap in his hand and throw it at you.

At age 12 or 13 it was hilarious.


20 posted on 09/28/2018 3:29:35 PM PDT by Rebelbase (Consensus isn't science.)
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