VANITY: Leftist Squirrels, and Trump's Buick LeSabre (Satire)

10/4/2018 | rlmorel

[rlmorel]

Imagine you are the Judicial Committee (the non-leftists) driving in The Great Big Red, White, and Blue 1973 Buick LeSabre of Judicial Candidate Sanity, driven by President Donald Trump and the car is packed with Grassley, Graham, and Kavanaugh snugly in the front seat along with the President, and the spacious back seat holds the rest of them.

There are no Democrats in the car.

There is, however, one other occupant of the car, and that is Jeff Flake, whose muffled protests and thumps from the trunk can be faintly heard above the laughter of everyone else in the car.

The Great Big Red, White, and Blue 1973 Buick LeSabre of Judicial Candidate Sanity is approaching "Leftist Oak Road", which is heavily populated by Leftist squirrels for obvious reasons.

Have you ever seen the road to "Tara" in "Gone With the Wind"? The big oak trees lining the long, straight, road carpet the road with acorns, possibly shaken by the Leftists on the committee to artificially create a rich environment of acorns of false charges, which must be paired with leftist accusers and their media and political enablers, the pairing of which transforms them into "Leftist Unsubstantiated Charges".

Again, both frenzied squirrels preparing for Winter (The Leftist accusers, politicians, and enabling media) must pair with the acorns of false charges on the ground to create pairing they seek of a Leftist Unsubstantiated False Charge that will cause the car to drive off the road into the ditch or into an oak tree.

Winter (The Vote) is coming, and the squirrels are desperate to prepare. All of the usual leftist charges are the acorns of the side of the road or in the road, rotting and crushed, and they don't serve the purposes of the emotionally driven Leftist Squirrels.

The Leftist Squirrels cannot stop Winter (The Vote) so they are driven to greater and greater levels of risk and insanity to prepare, so in this long straight avenue lined by oak trees that carpet the road with accusational acorns that they might use, the Leftist Squirrels are compelled to dash into the road in front of the oncoming Great Big Red, White, and Blue 1973 Buick LeSabre of Judicial Candidate Sanity, driven by President Donald Trump.

One after another, the leftists dash out, grab a potentially useful false charge, and when they clutch the useful false charge, it becomes an official Unsubstantiated False Charge, and now they must do something with it to drive the Great Big Buick LeSabre of Judicial Candidate Sanity (driven by President Trump) into the ditch or one of the trees.

Fortunately, Leftist squirrels leftists have a few flaws:

1. They have difficulty distinguishing a crushed and rotten acorn (false charge) in the road from one that might be useful. More often than not, they get one that was obviously rotten from the start. In those cases, once everyone examines it and the Great Big Buick LeSabre of Judicial Candidate Sanity passes them, they do what they always do: they drop it, pretend it never happened, and begin looking for another one.
   
   
2. If they do find a valid Acorn of False Charge, they grab it, immediately create the desired "Leftist Unsubstantiated Charge" and make a mad, irrational dash with their tainted booty to the side of the road but are immediately squashed under the wheels of The Great Big Red, White, and Blue 1973 Buick LeSabre of Judicial Candidate Sanity driven by a grinning President Donald J. Trump. Or, if they clear the wheels, they cannot manage the issue appropriately, and instead turn right around and run back under the wheels, again to be crushed. Typical. They were free and clear, but they always want more. We call it "Overplaying their hand", but the end result is the same, another Leftist squirrel carcass in the road.
   
   
3. Lastly, they can hope (and even PLAN) that one of the faint-hearted, squishy non-Democrats in the car might lose their nerve at the last second when about to run over a squirrel and commandeer the Great Big Red, White, and Blue 1973 Buick LeSabre of Judicial Candidate Sanity off the road into a ditch or into one of the trees. This was an issue when they let Jeff Flake sit in the car with them as an equal, but after realizing that his goal was not to get to the end of the road but instead to either steer it into a ditch or tree (or if they manage to reach the end of the road where the vote occurs, to jump out and join the squirrels) they did the best thing possible: stick him in the trunk. It has entertainment value as well. When they reach the vote and all the squirrels are clamoring to know the vote of Jeff Flake, they won't be able to hear the muffled yells from inside the trunk as they drift off into obscurity.

As for The Great Big Red, White, and Blue 1973 Buick LeSabre of Judicial Candidate Sanity, I decided it was best not so send it to the crusher with Jeff Flake inside. After all, we can let him out so he can go change his underwear, and get the vehicle prepared again for action with a thorough cleaning, tune-up, and wax job...we are going to need it for a few more trips up that oak-lined road!

[rlmorel]

I have to give credit to NOBO2012 in his thread he posted at "Squirrels, Squirrels Everywhere!"

There was some question by Freepers about the significance of squirrels, and I began to explain it, but soon found myself thinking at length on it. I know squirrels are vermin, can be destructive and a nuisance, and I DO take exception to comparing one of God's creatures (however flawed in design they sometimes appear to my mortal mind when I see them try to cross a road) to Leftists.

I hope some of us can get a laugh out of this, as a relief to the insanity of this process of watching a man destroyed solely for political purposes.

[mewzilla]

But...but...I like squirrels!

😢

[bigbob]

1973 is good, but it should be a Cadillac...Eldorado.

[rlmorel]

I do to...which is why I put the codicil in there about not liking the comparison to Leftists!

But the fact is...they DO get squished.

I have often enjoyed contemplating how God created squirrels, so efficiently prolific, but flawed (to my human eye in the same way we all are) in their ability to cross roads.

I have posited that it was late in the Sixth Day, and God still had outstanding tasks that he was farming out to some of the Angels to finish up for him. One of them was the “Road Crossing Algorithm Program For The Squirrel”

There was one Angel who had failed often enough, a very nice Angel, liked by all, who was not given assignments any more and sat sadly by while other Angels were given assignments of varying importance.

The Angels convinced God to allow the incompetent Angel one more try, so he assigned the Road Crossing Algorithm Program For The Squirrel” to that Angel.

Alas, he got it mostly right (and even implemented a “Go over the road on power lines routine” but never perfected the road crossing algorithm. Just never got it right. They kept judging poorly, or making it across, only to suicidally dash against all logic back under the wheels.

[BTerclinger]

“There is, however, one other occupant of the car, and that is Jeff Flake, whose muffled protests and thumps from the trunk can be faintly heard above the laughter of everyone else in the car.”

That was enough! LOL!

[mewzilla]

FWIW, leftists remind me of lemmings. Love what you wrote! I'll just replace squirrel with lemming! 😄

[rlmorel]

I had a chance to drive one of those 1973 LeSabres around for a few years, and it was such a boat that was fun to drive it left an indelible mark on me! It belonged to my dad (a career navy guy) and we ended up painting it haze gray all over with spray cans in an afternoon, and wanted to put navy style block numbers on the bow, a formal name on the rear, and cleats on each front fender, but got sidetracked, like squirrels, on other things.

[Agamemnon]

1973 is good, but it should be a Cadillac...Eldorado.

Eldo, yes (the 2 cars flanked by the Sedans). 1970 -- better 500 cu. in and a 10.1:1 compression ratio.

FReegards!

[GraceG]

When the metal thick and the chrome was thicker ~ Michael Savage

[Big Red Badger]

“Look!,,,A Squirrel!”

Like a half crazed Dog whose
attention is diverted immediately
and exclusively to another object.

[Stanwood_Dave]

For the record, my 1st (first) car 2 (two) Door 1957 Cadillac "Coupe DeVille," Still love that car, wish I'd have kept that one. My 2nd (second) car 1960 2 (two) Door "Coupe DeVille," Cadillac all 21 foot (A.K.A. A Boat) of it. People that rode with me at the time, thought it amazing how I could Parallel park that sucker.

Take the 1970 green caddy out.

[Agamemnon]

Take the 1970 green caddy out.

I did just yesterday!

FReegards!

[rlmorel]

"Squirrel!"

Come on now! Who doesn't love Doug?

[right way right]

Let’s put some rabid squirrels in that trunk with flake.

[rlmorel]

I like the way you think...and a couple of angry badgers, too...

[right way right]

Symbolic of the rabid feminists at the elevator.

[rlmorel]

Yeah, normal people are going to listen to them...not!