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Suspicious package mailed to Joel Olsteen
Babylon Bee ^ | 10/24/2018 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 10/25/2018 4:01:39 PM PDT by RedStateRocker

HOUSTON, TX—A suspicious package mailed to Joel Osteen and intercepted by Lakewood Church security was found to contain a copy of the Christian Bible, sources confirmed Wednesday.


TOPICS: Current Events; Humor; Ministry/Outreach; Religion & Culture
KEYWORDS: bible; excerpt; fakenews; satire; suspiciouspackage
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Babylon Bee strikes again.
1 posted on 10/25/2018 4:01:39 PM PDT by RedStateRocker
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To: RedStateRocker

I was going to say as long as there is a dollar in it Joel is OK with it.


2 posted on 10/25/2018 4:04:19 PM PDT by Kartographer ("We mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.")
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To: RedStateRocker

3 posted on 10/25/2018 4:04:49 PM PDT by stars & stripes forever (Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord. Psalm 32:12)
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To: RedStateRocker

Bahawaaaaaaaaaaaaa!


4 posted on 10/25/2018 4:05:17 PM PDT by ataDude (.)
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To: RedStateRocker

To his mansion, his lakeside house, his coastal home or his yacht?


5 posted on 10/25/2018 4:05:40 PM PDT by 2ndDivisionVet (You cannot invade the mainland US. There'd be a rifle behind every blade of grass.)
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To: RedStateRocker
p38
6 posted on 10/25/2018 4:05:46 PM PDT by Snickering Hound
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To: RedStateRocker

Dental floss?


7 posted on 10/25/2018 4:06:09 PM PDT by PJ-Comix (I am eating my way to weight loss. Pass the lox!)
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To: RedStateRocker

Dang! I was going to suggest it was a KJV Bible before I read past the headline!


8 posted on 10/25/2018 4:06:35 PM PDT by jjotto (Next week, BOOM!, for sure!)
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To: RedStateRocker

Did they recognize what it was?


9 posted on 10/25/2018 4:10:16 PM PDT by kaehurowing
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To: RedStateRocker

did somebody send him a Bible?


10 posted on 10/25/2018 4:12:36 PM PDT by Hammerhead
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To: RedStateRocker

I love the Bee!


11 posted on 10/25/2018 4:13:09 PM PDT by Autonomous User (During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act.)
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To: jjotto

beat me to it


12 posted on 10/25/2018 4:13:19 PM PDT by Hammerhead
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To: RedStateRocker

Must have been a CATHOLIC BIBLE!!!


13 posted on 10/25/2018 4:13:58 PM PDT by Ann Archy (Abortion....... The HUMAN Sacrifice to the god of Convenience.)
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To: Kartographer
I'm sure he sent it to himself, to gin up a few hundred thousand for a new plane, boat and small Carribean Island!😜
14 posted on 10/25/2018 4:29:15 PM PDT by miserare ( Indict Hillary!)
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To: RedStateRocker

I like the BB story of how Osteen’s personal Bible, which had never been opened, made a break for it and escaped from his mansion.


15 posted on 10/25/2018 4:31:20 PM PDT by nickedknack
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To: RedStateRocker

Go Bee!


16 posted on 10/25/2018 4:37:00 PM PDT by mylife (The Roar Of The Masses Could Be Farts)
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To: Hammerhead
did somebody send him a Bible?

He didn't know what it was

17 posted on 10/25/2018 4:44:21 PM PDT by 11th_VA ("When passions are most inflamed, fairness is most in jeopardy." - Susan Collins)
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To: RedStateRocker

Good one. Did it burn his hands?


18 posted on 10/25/2018 8:04:36 PM PDT by Figment
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To: kaehurowing

I was going to ask how they were able to identify it so quickly.


19 posted on 10/25/2018 8:58:27 PM PDT by Gil4 (And the trees are all kept equal by hatchet, ax and saw)
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To: Ann Archy
Must have been a CATHOLIC BIBLE!!!

Is that the one that when you open it up it has a Money Slot you have to feed Dollar Bills into before you can read The Scripture ?

20 posted on 10/25/2018 9:55:26 PM PDT by mabarker1 (Congress- the opposite of PROGRESS!!!)
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