Free Republic

As RedState reported, excerpts from Joe Biden’s “MAGA speech” previewed a gross abuse of the Executive Office of the President. Sure enough, that’s exactly what was delivered as the president appeared in Philidelphia, standing in front of a blood-red background, flanked by Marines. Lines were crossed that can’t be uncrossed, from the use of the military as props in a blatantly political speech to Biden suggesting that nearly half the country is a “danger” to the republic. This was a speech that went far beyond anything seen in the modern era of presidential addresses. Of course, because we are dealing...

MOSCOW—Vladimir Putin has challenged Joe Biden to a contest of wits, strength, and cunning: a stair-ascending contest. The winner of the contest will gain control of the other country. "Stair-ascending contest, me and you, right now, let's go," said Putin as he met with the American president. "He who wins become supreme glorious leader forever of other puny weak man." Biden agreed to the contest, though it wasn't clear he knew who this man was or where they were. "3... 2... 1... climb!" shouted the referee before firing off a pistol. Biden got off to a rocky start as he...

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a recent statement, President-elect Joe Biden has promised to move quickly the moment his term as President begins. He announced that immediately after his inauguration, the first order of business will be to impeach and remove Donald Trump from office. “Listen, folks, here’s the deal: If I’m going to be your President, then first thing’s first. We’re going to have to impeach this orange one-horse donkey kicker,” President-elect Biden explained. He continued, “Now I know you’re all excited about erasing the Electoral College and packing the Supreme Court, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. Trump has...

WILMINGTON, DE—To commemorate the "completely fair and honest" 2020 election, Joe Biden has announced a brand new memoir called If I Rigged It. The book is already being met with critical acclaim for its compelling description of a totally hypothetical situation where Biden and the Democrats fraudulently steal the election. "Listen here, Jack-- I didn't steal the election," said Biden to a group of adoring fans in the press. "But if I had stolen the election, this is how I would have done it. It's real simple, see? My new book will give you all the dirty details!" "This book...

WILMINGTON, DE—Today during a campaign stop at a soundstage in the north corner of his basement, Joe Biden took the time to congratulate Michelle Obama on a stellar debate performance. "Look folks," he said to the loose change in his couch. "Mrs. Obama did a swell job last night. Very proud of her. And to think just a few short years ago she was stocking shelves at the grocery store! I really liked the part where she rode an elephant and then a kangaroo. That was neat!" "Aw Joe!" said Michelle Obama when she received word of Biden's congratulations. "Such...

WILMINGTON, DE—While President Donald Trump has told people to not be afraid of the novel coronavirus after becoming infected himself, presidential candidate Joe Biden has become even more terrified of getting sick after learning of one of the symptoms of COVID-19: loss of sense of smell. “I want airtight seals around this basement!” Biden said as he crouched in the far corner of his basement lair. “Everyone must be screened before getting within 50 feet of me! No exceptions!” The idea of not being able to smell has shaken Biden to his core, so much so that he’s trying desperately...

IF Biden is elected, he may shut down every conservative media outlet. Anyone who does NOT believe in Climate Change, Pandemic hysteria or White Privilege will be shut off from the internet on his presidential orders to quell the riots and city burnings (hint: he's targeting the wrong bunch). Please support this site now, we need it more than ever.

WILMINGTON, DE—Joe Biden conceded today that the Republican Convention was "alright," "pretty inspiring, to be honest," and "a real gas." But Biden says the Democratic Convention is going to be "even better." "Just you wait -- our convention is going to blow this one out of the water," he said to a department store mannequin. "Man alive, I tell you what: we're gonna have fireworks and flags and all kinds of stuff. That nice, clean, articulate woman of color is gonna be there: what's her name again? It's like the same name as some wrassler: Hulk? Hogan! That's it, Hogan....

U.S.—According to sources at the DNC, Joe Biden, a man who has been part of government since before Jaws, Star Wars, the Walkman, the NES, and the publishing of The Silmarillion, is just the man for the difficult task of fixing the government. "This man who has been part of the broken system since 1972 is our last hope to fix the broken system," said a DNC spokesperson. "See, since he's been part of the problem for so long, only he knows how bad the problem is. So only he can fix it. If you got some outsider with, like,...

WILMINGTON, DE—In a campaign speech today, presidential candidate Joe Biden, with running mate Kamala Harris at this side, debuted his hopeful new slogan. “I want to be absolutely clear,” Biden announced. “I’ll be dead in the cold, cold ground before a black woman becomes president!” "I mean it: A black woman will become president over my dead body!" Some thought maybe the statement was just another racist gaffe from Biden, but Dems applauded the statement, much to Biden's confusion. The new slogan, which outlines how the U.S. would achieve the milestone of having a black woman as president if Biden...

WASHINGTON, D.C.—When Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden was told his vice presidential pick would be Kamala Harris, he was initially pleased. “She is young, bright, clean, and articulate just like that other guy, Obeemer." But Kamala Harris is reportedly beginning to think that "this Biden guy" is really going to slow down her campaign. "He's old and confused, and there's not much upside there," she told aides. "And the sniffing -- what is with the sniffing?" "I'm starting to think he's dead weight." Democrat analysts quickly began to express their doubts about the ticket. “Why is that old guy on...

According to sources in the Biden campaign, the presidential candidate is on pins and needles waiting to see who it is he picked to run for vice president on his ticket. Campaign aides say it's been Biden's most anticipated event since he found out he was running for president a few weeks ago. A reporter asked Biden if he could hint about his VP pick during a brief interlude from his stay in the basement, where he was allowed to come upstairs to get some snacks. "Oh boy -- I hope it's a real classy broad," he said as he...

Dan Bongino, Facebook post from earlier today: "Not a joke and not hyperbole - I'm hearing from people close to the situation that Biden's cognitive decline is rapidly worsening and is becoming increasingly difficult to mask. The Democrats are going to have to make a decision soon."