With all the crap flying around in the world today, wouldn't this be a good time for a Joke Thread?

The depths of my evil mind | March 3rd | Me, myself & I

[pingman]

I'll start:

How is a marriage like a deck of cards?

You start out with two hearts and a diamond, but after awhile you're looking for a club and a spade.

(rimshot!)

[fabian]

haha1

[pingman]

Thanks everyone, I needed this after a long day of being berated as a woman hater on Facebook for having the temerity of defending Rush, free speech and trying to use facts and reason to make my point.

I fear that our beloved country is (has) become unhinged, and that there are very dark days ahead.

Be well, keep your powder dry, and in the spirit of Andrew Breitbart, never be afraid to say ‘Sh*t!!!’ when your mouth is full.

[M Kehoe]

A blond, redhead, and brunette go hunting for the first time. Coming to a clearing, the redhead sees what looks like tracks, and says, deer tracks. The brunette says no, bear tracks. The blond got hit by the train.

5.56mm

[stbdside]

Why is Obamacare like an apple a day?

It will keep the doctor away.

[DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis]

lol

[Joe 6-pack]

[Yorlik803]

Dont worry, it took a bit for that one to sink here also. I am a little slow on the uptake.

[Yorlik803]

Yo mama so fat, her soup bowl has a lifeguard.
Yo mama so fat,when she goes to church,she sits next to everybody.
Yo mama so fat,when she jumped in the air she got stuck.
These jokes rocks....

[Yorlik803]

Yo mama so fat, her soup bowl has a lifeguard.
Yo mama so fat,when she goes to church,she sits next to everybody.
Yo mama so fat,when she jumped in the air she got stuck.
These jokes rocks....

[geege]

Yo mama is so fat her blood type is Ragu
Yo mama is so fat her BMI is measured in acres
Yo mama is so fat she was baptized @ Sea World
Yo mama is so fat when she sat on a rainbow, Skittles popped out
Yo mama so fat I took a picture of her last Christmas and its still printing

[CAluvdubya]

Bwahahahha! The copper clappers caper! Thanks for taking me back in time. That was true humor!

[Rurudyne]

An elderly golfer comes in after a good round of golf at the new course & heads straight to the bar/restaurant area of the club house. As he passes through the swinging doors, he spots a sign hanging over the bar that reads:

COLD BEER: $5.00
HAMBURGER: $10.00
CHEESEBURGER: $15.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH: $18.50
HAND JOB: $250.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary money, the old golfer walks up to the bar & beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers. She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer. “Yes?” she inquires with a wide, knowing smile. “May I help?”

The old golfer leans over the bar & whispers, “I was wondering young lady, are you the one who gives the hand-jobs around here?” She looks into his wrinkled eyes & with a wide smile purrs, “Yes sir, I sure am.”

The old golfer leans in even closer & into her left ear
says softly: “Well then, be sure to wash your hands real good, because I want a cheeseburger.”