Posted on 09/21/2011 10:24:43 AM PDT by no gnu taxes
Maybe not funny, but the part in “The Shining” where Jack is telling Wendy she’s had her whole f**king LIFE to think things over....”What good’s a few more minutes gonna do you now?”
Full Metal Jacket.
Gunny’s rants are not funny. Especially if he is one inch from your face, but they are immortal.
And very profane.
Are you quitting on me? Well, are you? Then quit, you slimy *** walrus-looking piece of ***! Get the **** off of my obstacle! Get the **** down off of my obstacle! NOW! MOVE IT! Or I’m going to rip your **** off, so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world! I will motivate you, Private Pyle, IF IT ****-****EVERY CANNIBAL ON THE CONGO!
more....
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093058/quotes
My favorite is Steve Martin’s completely-stressed rant in “Planes, Trains and Automobiles.”
You know everything is not an anecdote.
You have to discriminate. You choose things that are funny or mildly amusing or interesting.
You’re a miracle! Your stories have NONE of that. They’re not even amusing ACCIDENTALLY!
“Honey, I’d like you to meet Del Griffith, he’s got some amusing anecodotes for you. Oh and here’s a gun so you can blow your brains out. You’ll thank me for it.”
I could tolerate any insurance seminar. For days I could sit there and listen to them go on and on with a big smile on my face. They’d say, “How can you stand it?” I’d say, “’Cause I’ve been with Del Griffith.
I can take ANYTHING.” You know what they’d say? They’d say, “I know what you mean. The shower curtain ring guy. Woah.” It’s like going on a date with a Chatty Cathy doll.
I expect you have a little string on your chest, you know, that I pull out and have to snap back. Except I wouldn’t pull it out and snap it back - you would. Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh!
And by the way, you know, when you’re telling these little stories? Here’s a good idea - have a POINT. It makes it SO much more interesting for the listener! “
Neal Page(Steve Martin) - Planes, Trains, and Automobiles
Classic.
Tom Hanks busted a good one, leaving the grim factory job in Joe Vs the Volcano. Suck, suck, suck.
ANIMAL HOUSE belushi pearl harbor speech
“They took the bar! The whole ******* bar!”
Glengarry Glen Ross had some good ones.
“Coffee is for closers”
George Bailey breaks down in It’s A Wonderful Life: “You call this a happy family? Why do we have to have all these kids?”
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