Posted on 06/12/2015 6:03:26 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
My wife and I went into town and visited a shop. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.. We went up to him and I said, "come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him an "asshole." He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tires. So my wife called him a "butthead".
He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing more tickets.
This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote. He finally finished, sneered at us and walked away. Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home.
We always look for cars with Obama 2012 stickers. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It’s so important at our age!!
Mr. Rabbit was walking down the road when he spotted a crow at the tip top of a very tall tree. He shouted, "Good Morning, Mr. Crow."
Mr. Crow shouted back down, "Good Morning Mr. Rabbit."
Mr. Rabbit shouted up, "Whatcha doin' today?" and the answer shouted back down was, "Absolutely nothin' Mr. Rabbit - Absolutely nothin' and loving it."
Well, that sounded pretty good to Mr. Rabbit, so he shouted back up, "Do you think I could do that too?"
Mr. Crow shouted back down, "I don't see why not!" So, Mr. Rabbit lay down on the side of the road and began doing absolutely nothing.
In 30 minutes a fox came along and ate him.
The moral of the story is: You can get away with Doing Absolutely Nothing, but only if you are really high up.
I saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to reverse and leaving the scene
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock at the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's 3:30 in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then a louder knock follows.
"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.
So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is a man standing on the porch. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.
"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push??"
"No, get lost! It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and he slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, "That wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the babysitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?"
"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.
"It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him."
So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the front door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push?"
And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please."
So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?"
And the drunk replies, "Over here, on the swing."
Here is something FUN on a Silliness thread! Enjoy!
That’s it!
You are right. Animal kingdom is next. Someone will want to be a horse.
Blondes have more fun.
Makes me glad I see so little money...
A professor returned his new chainsaw to the shop where he bought it, complaining bitterly:
“You told me I would be able to saw a cord of wood in a morning with this thing.”
“Well, I worked all weekend—sunup to sundown!—and all I got was a tiny rick and a lot of blisters!”
The owner said, “OK, let’s take it out back and check it out.”
The shop owner flips the switch, primes the Woodboss and stands on its handle.
He yanks its tail.
It fires right up: RIN-YIN-YIN, Rin yin yin yin yin yin .... and then he easily slices a round off a cottonwood log.
The professor is aghast: “What was all that stuff you were doing?”
“And WHAT was all that infernal noise?!”
The look on that dog’s face is priceless. Several of us here at work have been laughing so hard we have been crying. Thanks.
#2, at least she broke the fall, with her face.
Irish Fishing
It was raining hard and a big puddle
had formed in front of the little
Irish pub.
An old man stood beside the puddle
holding a stick with a string on the
end and jiggled it up and down in the
water.
A curious gentleman asked what he
was doing.
‘Fishing’, replied the old man.
Poor old fool, thought the gentlemen.
So, he decided he would invite the old
man to have a drink in the pub.
Feeling he should start some conversation
while they were sipping their whiskey,
the gentleman asked, ‘And, how many
have you caught today?’
‘You’re the eighth.’
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