Posted on 08/21/2015 5:58:17 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Today is Bill Clinton's birthday. Hillary sent Bill an e-birthday card and out of habit she immediately deleted it. ~ Conan
***
Today, Hillary Clinton released an ad that emphasized her humble economic background. In the ad she says, "Just 15 years ago, my family and I were evicted from our house." ~ Conan
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Jeb Bush cheated on his diet and had a fried Snickers bar, pork on a stick, and a beer. Jeb Bush said he ate it so at least he could see some of his numbers go up. ~ Conan
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There are reports that if Joe Biden runs for president, he would promise to serve for only one term because nothing says confidence like promising your presidency would be over quickly. ~ Fallon
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This weekend many of the Republican candidates said they used a fit bit. In fact, Jeb Bush uses his to see how much distance he can put between himself and his last name. ~ Conan
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According to a new report, the word that Donald Trump said most often in last weeks debate was I'm. The word he says the least: Sorry. ~ Fallon
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New Jersey Governor Chris Christie said today that Hillary Clinton's arrogance is breathtaking. Of course, he also said the same thing about a flight of stairs.
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Donald Trumps new policy paper would not give automatic citizenship to children born in America if they have foreign parents. Said Trump, Its nothing personal, Sasha and Malia. ~ Meyers
Tidy Bowl Operation
- Hillarys dump of emails is so big, we need a plunger.
- Those who said Hillary didnt give a crap about national security were dead wrong.
- Hillary on the server controversy: I aint no ways turd!
- Code name for her server wipe: Ty-D-Bol.
- Just wiping the server [is now] bathroom humor.
- Now that her servers been found in a bathroom, when Hillary says shes getting to the bottom of this, it takes on a whole new meaning.
- And you have to wonder, if the American people wont take this standing up or sitting down.
- Given the latest news on Hillarys server in a bathroom, her campaigns now officially circling the drain.
- Reports are that Mrs. Clintons server was wiped multiple times a day, and a bidet was also used for good measure.
- When asked about Hillarys email scandal, Bill Clinton candidly confessed: Aint no way to polish this turd. I have never seen Hillary so pied off in my life before.
- "Now that her server's been found in a bathroom, when Hillary says she's getting to the bottom of this, it takes on a whole new meaning."
- Why would Hillary hide her email server in the bathroom? Depends.
- You have to wonder. The American people won't take this standing up or sitting down.
- Given the latest news on Hillary's server in the bathroom her campaign's now officially circling the drain.
Does this person look innocent?
Just made it into the Top Twenty. :-)
Cough? What cough? LMAO.
IN! TOP...something...
Laz?
Books that hold the world record for the shortest stories, you must have a pretty good long term memory and be well informed to fully appreciate the humor. Just remember some of these are very, very short books....
World’s Shortest Books
MY BLACK GIRLFRIENDS
By Tiger Woods
____________________________________________
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY
By Jane Fonda, Cindy Sheehan
& Michelle Obama
Illustrated by Michael Moore
Foreword by George Soros
________________________________________
MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS
& HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA
By “The Rev Jesse Jackson” & “The Rev Al Sharpton”
______________________________________
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
By Hillary Clinton
_________________
Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY
By Bill Clinton
_________________
THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
By Bill Gates
____________________________________
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
By Dennis Rodman
_________________________________
THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE
By Al Gore & John Kerry
_____________________________________
GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
By Amelia Earhart
____________________________________
HOW TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST
By Dr. J ack Kevorkian
__________________________________
TO ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED BEFORE
By Ellen de Generes & Rosie O’Donnell
__________________
GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
By Mike Tyson
__________________________________
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
_______________________________________
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
By O. J. Simpson & Casey Anthony
_________________________________________
HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE SAFELY
By Ted Kennedy
_________
MY BOOK ON MORALS
By Bill Clinton
With introduction by
The Rev. Jesse Jackson
And foreword by
Tiger Woods with John Edwards
____________________________________________________
HOW TO WIN A SUPER BOWL
BY THE MINNESOTA VIKINGS
___________________________________________________
AND, JUST ADDED:
My Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy
By Nancy Pelosi
________________________________________________________
And the shortest book of them all.......................
THINGS I DID TO DESERVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
By Barack Obama
Holy smokes!
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