Posted on 01/29/2016 4:54:23 AM PST by Lucky9teen
A famous world statesman wanted to be remembered so he commissioned a special postage stamp which was to carry his picture. He instructed his people to design it, stressing that it should be of international quality.
The stamps were duly released and he was delighted. However, within a few days of release of the stamp, he began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and this made him very annoyed.
He 'phoned the stamp makers and ordered them to investigate the matter. They checked out the problem by visiting several post offices, and then they reported back to the politician.
Their report said, 'There is nothing wrong with the quality of the stamp. The problem is people are spitting on the wrong side.'
Two political candidates were having a heated political debate.
Finally, one of them jumped up and yelled at the other, 'What about the powerful interest that controls you?'
The other guy yelled back, 'You leave my wife out of this.'
Ben of Ben & Jerry's is coming out with an ice cream for Bernie Sanders called "Bernie's Yearning". It's selling a lot better than Jerry's ice cream for Hillary, "Pantsuit Email Crunch". ~ O'Brien
An analyst for Time magazine says the key to the survival of the Republican Party is bringing in young women. When told this, Bill Clinton said, "Hey man, that's the key to every party." ~ O'Brien
Last night CNN hosted a Democratic forum where Hillary Clinton said that if she's elected she wants to work together with Republicans and even said she'd give them all bear hugs. By bear hugs she means like the ones you saw in "The Revenant." ~ Fallon
Jeb Bush was talking about the Obamas yesterday and mispronounced their daughter Malia's name, and it sounded like he said "Malala." Then his brother George was like, "Heh - looks like the student has become the mustard!" ~ Fallon
Sanders is leading Hillary Clinton in New Hampshire by 27 points. Bernie is very well liked among Democratic voters. Among those likely to vote in the primary, his favorability rating is 91 percent - that is incredibly high. As are many of his supporters. ~ Kimmel
Hillary Clinton said yesterday that she feels great about her chances to be the Democratic nominee and Bill Clinton said, "Hillary, it's 3:30 in the morning. Go back to sleep." ~ Meyers
I thought we'd never make it to Friday.
TOP 25?!?!
Where did you find that clip of the two guys sliding back and forth in the school hallway? Crazy.
"No lingering effects from your brain trauma?"
When you're retired, every day is Friday :-)
Out-STANDING-pokes at liberalism today.
My daddy taught me that I was a pilot. “GIRL! You better
STRAIGHTEN UP AND FLY RIGHT!”
bttt
Boy, you can tell my mind is in the gutter. I thought your first sentence said “dick”. Whew!
Yesterday was such a bad day, I didn’t even get in on the Top 10! *sheesh*
I’m sorry!
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