Heard any good French jokes?

vanity | 02/06/03 | unknown

[beaversmom]

Do you have any good French jokes you would like to share? I'd like this thread to be a clearinghouse of French jokes to vent frustration at the French. Feel free to share any German, Iraq, etc. jokes as well.

This is probably an old one, but it was new to me:

Question: Why are the streets of Paris lined with trees?

Answer: So the Germans can march in the shade.

[Andyman]

How many gears does a French tank have?
Five. Four reverse, and one forward (in case the enemy attacks from behind).

[scooby321]

Fred Barnes said on Fox the other Night

Why do we need the French against Iraq

So they can teach them how to surrender

[prairiebreeze]

Q: What's the difference between a Frenchman and an onion?

A: Nobody cries when you cut up a Frenchman

[T Minus Four]

REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH



* When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay.

* Experience the joy of winning the world cup for the first time.

* You get to eat insect food like snails and frog's legs.

* If there's a war you can surrender really early.

* You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films on TV.

* You can test your own nuclear weapons in other people's countries.

* You can be ugly and still become a famous film star.

* Allow Germans to march up and down your most famous street humiliating your sense of national pride.

* You don't have to bother with toilets, just shit in the street.

* People think you're a great lover even when you're not.

[CollegeRepublican]

What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?



The Army.

[CollegeRepublican]

Whats the best place to hide your money ?



Under the soap of a frenchman

[stlrocket]

Here are a whole list of them:

MANY FRENCH JOKES

But one of my favorites is:

Why did they make the folks at EuroDisney outside of Paris stop shooting off the nightly fireworks display?

Because every night, hundreds of French would come up to the gates and surrender!

[Keith in Iowa]

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/chat/832867/posts

[CollegeRepublican]

Three guys, an Englishman, a Frenchman and an American are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, " says the genie. The American says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in America." With a blink of the genie's eye, 'FOOM' - the land in America was forever made fertile for farming. The Frenchman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around France, so that no one can come into our precious country." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' - there was a huge wall around France. The Englishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall. The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out." The Englishman says, "Fill it up with water."

[martin_fierro]

The French fight with their feet and f*** with their faces.

[T Minus Four]

OOps, sorry, meant to soften the language in that one :-{

[Dan from Michigan]

French rifles...never fired, dropped once.

[T Minus Four]

Pardon My French

The finest culture
Comes from Frontz
And hoe-knee-swat-key
Molly-ponce!

Sally learned
To speak in French
She's now a dame
And not a wench

Dick acquired
That language fair
And now he's swayve
And deb-an-err

Speaking French
Will prove you're better
Show you've got a
Rays-on-debtor

Read in French
And sack-ray-blue!
You're sure to find
Your tom-pair-doo

Write in French
And you'll be famous
Just like muss-your
Albert Camus

You can bet
Your dairy-air
Your French will prove
Your salve-war-fare

He who is
A true believer
Shows his Gallic
Joyed-a-fever

French cuisine
Is all the rage
So drink Bored-O
With soft from-age

Wear a little
Black beret
And eat cross-ants
With French calf-A

Then there's all
That art you know
So speak bow-czar
And art-new-foe

And what a joy
To smoke Get-tans
While watching films
That come from Cans

I guess it's not
An easy job
To be a phony
Stuck-up snob...

Such games in Frontz
They also play
But there "c'est snob"
To speak anglais!

[CollegeRepublican]

There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Provence. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Frenchman had his hand against his face as if he had been slapped there. The Frenchman was thinking: 'The English fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.' Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The French fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.' And the Englishman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that French bast@#$ again.'

[Georgia_JimD]

THERE ARE LIMITS TO MY INSENSITIVITY (From Neil Boortz)

Yes, believe it or not, I do actually have some limits.  After writing that little bit about the insipid French I decided to go on the web to see if I could find that article P.J. O’Rourke wrote for National Lampoon Magazine about 20 or so years ago.  It was called “Foreigners Around the World.”  It is, buy far, the more racist, bigoted, insensitive, offensive and hilariously funny bit I have ever read in any magazine any where at any time. I can remember about 20 years ago sitting around and reading this article to some friends.  We would start laughing so hard that our eyes would water and our sides would ache.  I think I even broke a rib once.

No … I won’t post a link to that article here.  I don’t have the guts.  My insensitivity is limited here by a strong sense of self-preservation.  I will, however, share with you some edited versions of what P.J. O’Rourke had to say about the French and the Germans.

 

The French  Racial Characteristics: Sawed-off sissies who eat snails and slugs and cheese that smells like people's feet. They take filthy pictures of each other with cheap cameras, wash nothing but their _____, fight with their feet, and perform sex acts with their faces. Utter cowards who force their own children to drink wine, they gibber like baboons even when you try to speak to them in their own wimpy language. Good Points: Invented the ____job

The Germans Racial Characteristics: Piggish-looking, sadomasochistic automatons whose only known forms of relaxation are swilling watery beer from vast tubs and singing the idiotically repetitive verses of their porcine folk tune-both of which amusements probably hark back to a prehuman state. Germans have never been successfully Christianized. Their language lacks any semblance of civilized speech. Their usual diet consists almost wholly of old cabbage and sections of animal intestines filled with blood and gore. Once every two or three decades, they set forth, lemming-like, on pointless military adventures during which great numbers of them are slaughtered-much to the improvement Of the world in general. Their lardy women have long, tangled masses of sticky hair under their arms, and the men shave the sides of their heads. Good Points: Kill a lot of French

.

No … absolutely not.  I am NOT going to post the link.  You're on your own. 

[CollegeRepublican]

Very, very funny.

[prairiebreeze]

Funny jokes CollegeR!

[Michael.SF.]

I thought this was a forum to have intelligent conversations regarding the world of politics and those issues that are important to us all.

I did not think that it would deteriorate to the point that it has.

Frankly the French have many wonderful and unique qualities. Rather than list them here for all of you, just go here and see for yourself:

A True Frenchmen

[evolved_rage]

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