Posted on 12/27/2004 8:42:48 AM PST by Houmatt
I am not sure I know where to begin.
On Friday, December 17, I was arrested and charged with a Class B Misdemeanor, the first time I have been arrested and charged with anything.
Over the next seven days and six nights that I spent in the custody of the authorities awaiting bail, I found my wife of six years, the woman I had given my life and love to, had decided she had had enough of me, saying I had hurt her emotionally and she could trust, rely on or understand me. She intends to file for divorce next month.
I would guess I should have seen this coming. She had told me the feelings she had had for me before were not the same, and this was something she had been agonizing over for a while. It is not easy when the woman you love and are married to lives 200 miles away across the border in Canada. She would come over once a month and stay a weekend, but there was a five month period this year when she had been out of work due to an infection in her right leg. As I am sure you can understand, separation does not always make the heart grow fonder.
What I do know is I love her very, very much. She was my best friend, my lifeline, my reason for being. She helped fill the void in my life. I could apologize ten thousand times and tell her that, yes, I was not the husband she expected me to be. I know I failed her, and I not about to stand in her way when it comes to divorcing me, even if I am of the ilk those vows I took over six years ago were supposed to mean something. She needs a release, to not have to worry about getting me up to Canada or if I have money or food anymore. She needs that break.
I just would like it if we could at least be speaking terms, waving hi to each other on the phone or the net, trading e-mails and cards and so forth.
The other thing that scares me though is the possibility I may go back to jail. Even if it is my first offense, and a misdemeanor, I may still go back. Those days I had been inside scared me like nothing else in a very long time. I know I did something incredibly stupid and there is not a moment where I do not think about how I should have turned left instead of right that day. I also know I must take responsibility for my actions. I just don't want to go back to jail.
I have been praying ever since then for two simple things:
1) Terri (my wife) can receive the solace she is searching for and want to at least talk to me again.
2) That I get probation.
For those that are wondering: I have done enough stupid things. That is one stupid thing I will never do.
As much as I hate to admit it, yes, men do cry. I am right now. I am sorry.
You definitely have my prayers.
I've been in some really, really low spots in life myself.
When my wife of twenty years, the mother of my children, divorced me, the whole world was nothing but blackness.
But that is the time when you just have to hit your knees and seek the Lord. There's no other solution. He's the Friend that is closer than any brother ever could be. He's promised to never leave you or forsake you.
And there's nothing you've done that is unforgivable with Him. He paid for it Personally, because of His great and eternal love for you.
Regards,
EV
I am a Pennsylvania lawyer. While I can't represent you in New York, I could look for the sentencing guidelines. Freepmail me charge and I will attempt to find the sentencing guidelines. Most misdemeanors are elligible for ARD or whatever New York's equivalent is.
I once created and told a lie so heinous, I could never admit I lied.
I went to my Pastor, and I admitted what I had done, that I felt so incredibly guilty, embarrassed, and shamed by it. I told him what a friend had said..the first part of your getting through this, is coming clean. And I asked Pastor, should I do that?
He saw how hurt I was, and how much I was hurting, he knew I was genuinely sorrowful for this act, that I would never do it again and, the hurt I caused would be indelibly etched in my head and my soul.
He looked at me, by now with tears in my eyes, hoping he would give an answer that would take away this pain, and he said...
Jesus Christ gave His life for YOUR sins. Allow Him to carry this burden and accept that you cannot undo what you have done.
And then he said, I hope this helps YOU make YOUR decision.
I'll Pray ya', man...
Good Luck
:O)
P
Getting arrested for a misdemeanor that's too embarrassing to post here.
God has probably brought you to this point so you could realize you need Him and you need to make changes.
When you hit bottom, there's only one way to go, and that's up!
You'll do it. You have my sincere best wishes.
You're welcome Houmatt. I pray everything works out to God's glory! Don't forget to give credit where credit is due...via "Thank you Lord"!!
If you doubt this, ask President Bush about driving infractions from 30 years ago.
A misdemeanor, while nothing to be proud of, is not the end of the world. You will do no more jail time. You probably will be fined and put on probation. Given the fact that you struggled to come up with $500 in a week, any fine imposed is going to be sufficient hardship in the eyes of the court.
Pay it in installments as the court permits and use this incident to re-evaluate who and what you are.
You're not stupid, Houmatt. You and I have had some differences in the past, but I'm offering this bit of advice as a fellow conservative. Use this unfortunate low point in your life as a wake up call, emotionally and spiritually. Ten years from now, you may look back and say that this is exactly what you needed to get your head back on your shoulders.
All I know is how much I feel about my wife. For seven years she has been everything to me.
Is it too much to ask that I can at least remain on speaking terms with her??
Please see post #47.
Trust in the Lord - He may not give you what you want, but He will always give you what you need. Prayers going up for you, brother.
Things with your wife will work out the way they will. Not according to your plan. Your wife has indeed broken her vows. Unfortunately, you both must live with her weakness. But you must let her go if that is what she wants. With regard to your marriage, that is the only way. Trust in Christ and love Him with all your heart and he won't let you down.
His plan for you may not be clear to you for some time but He will love you unconditionally and give you the strength to find and stay on the right path.
Good luck and be strong.
I will pray for you Houmatt.
I'm here in Rochester. Amherst eh? A long time ago I lived in North Tonawanda so I know about Buffalo cops. The townies are hardasses. I wouldn't worry about a misdemeanor. I've done a lot worse things, and walked.
Godspeed!
Don't get mired in self-pity. Yes you have a bad situation but there are people every day dealing with worse. I good friend on mine lost her husband in a car accident on Christmas eve. She has a two month-old baby and is hanging tough. Get back in the game and don't quit.
You have my prayers Houmatt. Don't make staying on speaking terms with her the cornerstone for your happiness, though. That may happen or it may not.
You believe in the power of prayer, and that is a good thing, for you must understand that God never closes one door without opening another. You are relatively young, I am assuming, and though you are feeling way down now, a wonderful future is waiting for you. If you are unable to work things out with the present lady of your life-there is a world full of other lovely ladies out there.
Be thankful that there are no children involved, to suffer from the break up too.
Remember the adagethat goes: "Whatever doesn't kill us, makes us stronger."
May God shower his blessings upon you.
Offering my prayers
Prayers for you on the way!
You didn't make any reference to kids, so I assume you don't have them.
Many divorced couples with kids eventually work things out to where there is no further animosity and something like an uncomfortable friendship exists. That is very rare among childless couples who divorce. They almost always tend to move on and put the past behind them. It's too painful to continue to dwell on.
My advice, for what little it is worth, is to close that chapter in your life. Stop wishing for what might have been or what conceivably could be with your soon to be ex-wife. The relationship ended. If it resurfaces later, great. But hold no expectation that it will. Your future is ahead of you, not in the past.
DISCLAIMER: You started this thread on FreeRepublic.com. You know FReepers are brutally honest as well as helpful and informative. With that in mind, I'll offer you my OPINION based on this statement you made:
"The other thing that scares me though is the possibility I may go back to jail. Even if it is my first offense, and a misdemeanor, I may still go back. Those days I had been inside scared me like nothing else in a very long time. I know I did something incredibly stupid and there is not a moment where I do not think about how I should have turned left instead of right that day. I also know I must take responsibility for my actions. I just don't want to go back to jail."
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A. You said you did something "incredibly stupid."
Well, ok, admitting it is step 1.
Step 2 is to pray for forgiveness.
Step 3. Promise yourself and God you will never do it again.
B. You said, "The other thing that scares me though is the possibility I may go back to jail. Even if it is my first offense, and a misdemeanor, I may still go back."
Step 1. Get a lawyer.
Step 2. Don't do AGAIN whatever it is you allegedly did in the first place.
Step 3. Pray about it.
C. You said, "I just don't want to go back to jail."
Step 1. Understand that no sane person wants to go to fail.
Step 2. See. B.
Step 3. Evven Martha Stewart, as wealthy as she is, faced facts. She is doing
her time and she'll be out in time to plant her spring garden.
Step 4. Look ahead. Plan what you will be doing after this mess is over with.
Note: As for crying Houmatt, we all cry. No shame in that. Have a good cry and get on with fixing your problem.
Ask the Lord, now, for the strength you need to get through these trying times.
Prayers offered for you.
Be strong.
Hugssssssssss
You've had some very good advice given freely to you in this thread. I don't know your age, and really it doesn't matter. Maturity comes with these low spots in your life.
Two years ago I was arrested for first offense DUI. Not alcohol, prescription medication. I spent 24 hours in the county jail.
The VERY first thing my attorney did was come around his desk, put his hand on my shoulder and said, "Uncle, you have no reason to be fearful. Trust me, but trust in the Lord more. At the jury trial, one year and $2,200.00 later, I was acquitted by a jury in 13 minutes. Then another $200.00 to have the state expunge the record.
Trust me, but trust in the Lord more. You'll come through this just fine.
FWIW, my advice is to buck up, get in front of a mirror and love yourself.
By that,I mean, list your decent parts and count your many blessings.
It will do wonders for your self esteem.
Then get out and do as many random acts of kindness as you are afforded the opportunity. Giving always increases my peace of mind by getting my mind off of the troubles. You need that now, I know.
Last thing, get a Bible and read. Pray, study and pray.
Keep your mind occupied with the Word.
The Word is the greatest weapon you can own.
I'll pray for you and your wife.
Listen to this song of Inspiration as needed.
It remains on my server. In The Garden
You are in my prayers. If you are sincerely sorry, and it sounds as if you are, then you are forgiven! Now you just have to deal with the justice system (which in the whole scheme of life) is small potatoes compared to your soul.
I am praying for you and I also pray that you and your wife can reconcile. Being that far apart is rough.
Keep us updated. God bless!
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