Skip to comments.What Is A Moonbat and Why Do Moonbats Bark?
Posted on 04/05/2005 8:46:38 PM PDT by RedBloodedAmerican
"Now You Know, Part I: What Is A Moonbat"
People often ask me where the phrase Moonbat originated. I usually reply to them "buy me another drink or three and I'll tell you about it."
Here is the condensed version (you can start stirring the martinis now, if you please - thank you).
You know what the moon is, right? That big silver ball in the night sky? That neighboring planetoid that a million songs have been written about? The place Neil Armstrong took a giant leap? Home of the Reverend Sun Myung Moon?
Well, the ancient Latin word for moon was luna, which is why we talk about lunar cycles which are responsible for women's PMS attacks among other evils visited upon mankind since we climbed down from the trees. Also from the Latin lunaticus, which translates as "moon-struck", we derive the word lunatic. The Romans thought that recurring bouts of madness were caused by cycles of the moon. The Roman men obviously had the same problems with their women as we do today but it would be nearly 2000 years before this "lunacy" was diagnosed as PMS.
So we see that the moon (aka, Luna) has always been associated with mental problems of one sort or another for thousands of years. There has to be some connection there. All those people couldn't be wrong could they?
Which brings us to the subject of bats. Bats are essentially just ugly little rats with wings. Rats by themselves are a damned nuisance but when you strap wings on the little bastards they become mortal terrors. Then if you take away their eyesight and give them bult-in radar so they can fly at night (by moonlight, of course) you end up with the definition of evil (with apologies to Bruce Wayne's alter-ego).
And if you give these monsters fangs they become blood-suckers and before you can say "Transylvania" you have Count Dracula flying in the window and drinking the blood of nice young girls with scanty night-clothes and big breasts in old Christopher Lee movies.
So now we come to the combination of the two: Moonbat. This is the human personification of the two terms described above. It is a human whose cerebral cortex has turned to silly putty causing him or her to mentally slide down the evolutionary ladder to the level of a winged rat who is influenced by the moon and wants to suck your blood. Also affectionately known as a "Democrat".
These creatures spend their days hanging from the ceiling (or relaxing in their saunas in Beverly Hills) and by night, when the moon exerts its lunatic influence upon their two remaining brain cells, they wander the streets babbling insanities and looking for their next victim. They usually first appear about sundown on NBC, CBS and ABC News as "sound bites" (see above regarding fangs). Then they quickly gather in upscale neighborhoods like The Hamptons, Martha's Vineyard, San Francisco and Hollywood where they plot their devious, totally mad plans to take over the world.
Poor pitiful creatures. They have no clue that we are on to them. Their twisted, demented little brains simply cannot grasp the fact they are doomed to extinction. The legends of vampires have slowly died out and thanks to modern psychotherapy (and electrical shock treatments) these miserable throwbacks to an earlier dark era in human history are slowly being eliminated (or in the case of San Francisco, simply allowed to "mate" in a manner that will not allow them to reproduce).
So there you have it. Pour me another martooni, please and we'll examine the "Barking" part next week
"Now You Know, Part II: Why Do Moonbats Bark?" The first part was published a month ago and was entitled "Now You Know, Part I: What Is A Moonbat". You can read it here. If you're ready for the second installment in the Now You Know series, then just click on the little button below (mix yourself a few good drinks first .. we don't want to scare you).
Why Do Moonbats Bark?
(stirring my seventh Margarita) Welcome back, boys and girls. I hope you enjoyed the explanation about what a Moonbat really is. Today we explore the second part of our little discussion. Why do these little freaks bark? To begin with, lets examine why the Moonbats animal ancestors actually bark.
Technically speaking, bats dont bark. They do something called echolocation which is just a fancy way of saying that the little bastards bark. Why do bats bark? Im glad you asked. Its their form of radar. Yep, you know .... ping .... ping .... ping .... UP PERISCOPE! Really, these beasts fly around with absolutely no eyesight at all. Blind as a bat is no laughing matter, kids. The little winged rodents cant see squat. However, they have this nifty radar receptor in their ears and some sort of on-board computer (not OnStar) that tracks the pings and tells them where they are and how soon it will be before they bang their nasty little heads against the ceiling. SPLAT!
Seriously though, they rarely, if ever bang their little heads because they keep up a constant barking (pinging) and their little radar dishes are constantly seeking out the best signals, i.e., the ones from farthest away. These signals are best because they tell our blind skypilot that in that direction is wide open spaces which is much better than a cave wall up side of their pointy little heads.
Now, as we mentioned before a Moonbat is the human personification of these night travelers. Their brains have descended the evolutionary ladder until they take up the attributes of their ancestors .. the bat. They exhibit lunatic tendencies (from the Latin: luna meaning moon") but they also inherit certain traits of the bat. One of these traits is the habit of echolocation, or barking.
Why do these Moonbats bark? Most of them have good eyesight so why do they need radar? Shhhhhhh ... this is a deeply guarded secret, known only to a few ancient Egyptian priests in The City Of The Dead and my maid Juanita.
Like the bats, these Moonbats make a barking sound. It is not intended as communication but as a sounding device. You see, these Idiotarians Who Walk The Earth inhabit a mental place called La-La-Land that is far removed from reality. They spout meaningless drivel constantly in an attempt to find their way back to reality. These seemingly incoherant syllables are merely intended to determine the exact distance they are from rational people.
It works like this: if a Moonbat barks and he/she suddenly finds himself flat on his or her ass with a sore jaw and a black eye, he/she knows that he/she was way too close to a righteous, God-fearing, intelligent Conservative and must back away or call the ACLU for assistance. Unfortunately, the ACLU is even blinder than most Moonbats and tends to fly in circles sniffing for the smell of anti-PC behavior and ready at a moments notice to issue its hideous cry of LAWSUIT! LAWSUIT!. I know. It is a terrible sound to hear, especially in the dead of night.
Normally though, Moonbats tend to stay in the company of fellow Moonbats. This is sad because they simply echo each others barks and stray even further from reality. They never seem to go entirely away back to La-La-Land. No, Im sorry to say that there is some sort of magnet that draws them back to reality-conscious people, especially when times are tough and real people start thinking that maybe reality aint all its cracked up to be. This weakness in The Force causes the Barking Moonbats to come circling back around barking more nonsense and cluttering up the air with anti-reality static.
What can you do to help these poor creatures? I herewith offer you three methods of handling our poor brain-dead brethren:
1- Talk to them gently and try to use lots of logic.
2- Point out facts and remind them that they are (almost) human.
3- By all means, do not let their senseless babbling get to you. Ignore all noises they make.
And if all else fails ........
PUNCH THEM IN THE NOSE!
Here you go...
Ping for Darksheare! Moonbats about! Hither thither and yon!
I'm just your puppet.
You *knew* I would.....LOL!
Yeah. I LOVE that pic! LOL
Take it, it yours...;))
I had saved it on my machine cause I thought it was so cute. Thanks!
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