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DUmmie FUnnies 10-18-09 ("Up, Up on the Screen (In My Helium Balloon)")
DUmmie FUnnies ^ | October 18, 2009 | DUmmies and Charles Henrickson

Posted on 10/18/2009 7:11:00 PM PDT by Charles Henrickson

I know, I know, you're asking, "What about the Pitt wedding DUFU?" Well, before we get to the gasbag that got hitched, first we need to deal with a gasbag that got UN-hitched! I refer, of course, to the Balloon Boy saga, and the DUmmies' reaction to the story.

But before we hear from the DUmmies, let's join the Heene Family Singers in singing one of their favorite Ballooney Tunes:

UP, UP ON THE SCREEN (IN MY HELIUM BALLOON)
Tune: "Up, Up and Away (In My Beautiful Balloon)" Original

Would you like to hide in my helium balloon
Would you ride untied in my helium balloon
We'll be famous like the stars on TV, you and I
For we can lie, we can lie

Up, up on the screen
In my helium, my helium balloon

It's just a little game in my helium balloon
It's fortune and it's fame in my helium balloon
We can sign a deal and keep it real--no, we're not shy
For we can lie, we can lie

Up, up on the screen
In my helium, my helium balloon

It's splendid knowing the spotlight shines on you
We'll use our kids when the networks show up
If by some chance we face a tough interview
We'll find a bag to blow up
We'll start to gag and throw up

Fame is waiting there in my helium balloon
Soon we're on the air in my helium balloon
If you'll hold your tongue we'll send our young across the sky
For we can lie, we can lie

Up, up on the screen
In my helium, my helium balloon
Balloon . . .
Up, up on the screen . . .

Now to the DUmmies. The Reality-Based Community® takes on the Reality-Show Family® in this THREAD and this THREAD and this THREAD. So now let us crawl in the basket and float off to DUmmieland to get their reactions, in Balloonshevik Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, the wag tailoring the doggerel, is in the [brackets]:

all you balloon posters... you are the reason the news is filled with crap...you eat this stupid stuff up.

[So what does this DUmmie do? Post another thread about Balloon Boy.]

An Unrec for yelling at people who give a damn about a little boy

[But a Kick & a Rec for maintaining DUmmieland standards of intramural fighting.]

Math and physics told me (and many others) that this was BS from the get-go.

[Had to throw in the parenthetical "(and many others)" so as not to look as attention-craved as Richard Heene.]

I'm hoping that science teachers everywhere will take the opportunity tomorrow to teach a little bit of physics to their students. Maybe some good will come of it after all?

[More funding for science teachers! Politicize my flight! No child left behind in the attic!]

Baloon! Wow! Ooh, shiny baloon! Whee! Boy in shiny baloon!

[Spheroidenshiny, baby!]

More interesting than a car chase

[Is that you, Al Cowlings?]

millions of small children are in danger. . . .

[Keep your eyes to the skies!]

YAY! I love masturbatory indignation!

[My favorite group!]

Punch yourself in the face.

[Love, love, love. . . .]

SHAME ON YOU DU! SHAME! SHAME! SHAME! SHAME! You shamed yet, DU?

[I detect a note of sarcasm.]

Who's the president? Balloon?

[Gasbag. Now on to Thread #2 . . .]

Balloon Boy: Is Mainstream Media Purposely Distracting Us?

[Yes. It's all a Corporate Media Plot. Humans have never been interested in human-interest stories before.]

It works well, even here at DU where the boards were full of threads about the balloon boy. We complain about MSM distractions and then follow right along like good sheeple.

[We should only talk about the public option and Afghanistan and sending Bush to The Hague.]

Did anyone notice the stars and strips shirt that the sheriff was wearing yesterday when he said that charges would be fired.

[Did you notice you said "stars and strips" and "charges would be fired" and ended a question with a period?]

A standard weather balloon that's about 2 meters in diameter can just barely lift 3 kg. . . .

[Speak English, buddy. None of this metric Euro-commie crap.]

Anyone with half a brain could have determined that the kid wasn't in the balloon after 10 seconds of video.

[If only we were as smart as you! Please forgive us, Mr. Science! Now on to Thread #3 . . .]

County sheriff in Colorado says "balloon boy" incident was a "hoax" and a "publicity stunt."

["County sheriff": Boo! Hiss! It's the Man, holding us down! Power to the People!]

The Jiffy Pop look a like balloon could not support the boy's weight.

[If he hadn't eaten all that Jiffy Pop, he wouldn't be such a tubbo.]

somehow the Heene's will make money from this hoax.

[Smart. Must be related to Bobby "The Brain" Heenan.]

they will be on Larry King soon

[Maybe they can do us all a favor and put Lar in a balloon and float him off to Sun City.]

Fox news & the teabaggers will blame Obama for this.

[So let's blame Bush!]

A Richard Heene, Joe the Plumber, & Octomom Charity Softball Game might raise a lot of money and partially redeem these scumbags.

[Octomom could field her own team.]

What about Palin?

[Palin is the new Bush. Somehow she must be responsible.]

Hang their f*cking asses.

[Hang the Heenes' heinies!]

They launched the thing during President Obama's speech

[All the more reason!]

Obama is not as important to the media as are fake flying balloons

[Fake but accurate.]

the media played you?

[Hey, you fell for Obama, didn't you?]

You guys still haven't firgured this out yet? very disappointing, makes me sad. See if you can follow this: Do the simple physics. Do the simple math. Do a simple observation. Figured it out yet? Okay- a little clue: Ever had a HELIUM BALLOON as a kid? Ever tried to lift something with it heavier than an ounce or so? Figured it out yet? Clue #2: Figure the VOLUME of the Balloon. Roughly 15 feet in diameter, 3-5 feet thick at the center, tapering to the sides. Use the formula for the volume of an ellipsoid (you can find that using Google.) Depending on how generous you want to be with the height and radius values the volume comes out to be between 200 to 300 cubic feet of helium. Got it yet? How much does a 6 year old boy WEIGH? Answer: normally 40 something pounds. Got it?

[No, but you get the Patronizing Pedantic Post of the Day Award.]

1 cubic foot of helium can lift .067 pounds (you can check that value using Google.) A 200 to 300 cubic foot helium balloon can lift no more than 20 pounds.

[What . . . is the air-speed velocity of an unladen helium balloon?]

What a freakin' dumbed down country we have become.

[Exhibit A: DUmmieland.]

Can you imagine what the great thinkers of the Renaissance would say about us? We're like retarded monkeys. . . .

[Bunch of balloon baboons.]

This is not a violent crime, whatever it is. It deserves a formal rebuke but not time in the pen. I'd rather see Dick Cheney there!

[Balloongate, the new Gitmo!]

I am not convinced this was a hoax yet.

[Hey, I've got a Bridge to Nowhere you might like to buy!]

They'll get a trial like anyone else.

[And a trial balloon, beside.]

Why is locking people up so desirous to so many?

[Ask the people who want to send Bush and Cheney to The Hague.]

Believe it or not, prison actually has a deterrent effect.

[LOUSY FREEPER TROLL!!!]

I think it was staged. Coreographed. But I'm assuming, and that's kind of lame on my part. But that's what the little voice in my head said.

[Those little voices in your head have been coming back again, eh?]

PLEASE ACCOUNT FOR THE WIND...i don't know the climate but the balloon had a very large surface area--- like a parachute... and not being familiar with the Wizard Of Oz, i don't know if a balloon as defined in many of these replies ASSISTED BY STRONG WINDS could have lifted or carried a small child. i have seen parachutists carried miles sideways by the wind WHILE SCIENCE would tell us they should be falling at some specific rate

[ACCOUNT FOR THE WIND, PEOPLE! PARACHUTISTS, SIDEWAYS, FOR MILES!!]

knocking off the President of the USA from live coverage to show what amounts to one of the biggest farces of the decade, since the US Supreme Court declared Bush a winner in 2000?

[I've got it! The man behind the balloon! No, not Richard Heene. He's just a mind-controlled pawn in this drama. No, the man behind this MUST be none other than . . . KARL ROVE, of course! Think about it! Yes, it's Krazy Karl's Weather Balloon! Devilishly brilliant, the perfect Rovian touch!]


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: balloon; balloonboy; dufu; dummie; dummiefunnies; dummies; falconheene; heene
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Save your Pitt wedding comments for when we get to that DUFU!
1 posted on 10/18/2009 7:11:00 PM PDT by Charles Henrickson
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To: Charles Henrickson

ibtp?


2 posted on 10/18/2009 7:12:43 PM PDT by GQuagmire
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To: Xenalyte; RMDupree; AlexW; CzarNicky; Mike Fieschko; motzman; codercpc; thingumbob; tje; ml1954; ...

PING!


3 posted on 10/18/2009 7:13:45 PM PDT by Charles Henrickson (The Ballooney Left.)
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To: Charles Henrickson

4?


4 posted on 10/18/2009 7:15:43 PM PDT by freedumb2003 (Communism comes to America: 1/20/2009. Keep your powder dry, folks. Sic semper tyrannis)
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To: Charles Henrickson
I'm hoping that science teachers everywhere will take the opportunity tomorrow to teach a little bit of physics to their students.

"Okay, children. How big would a condom have to be to fit on that balloon?"

5 posted on 10/18/2009 7:16:22 PM PDT by Texas Eagle (If it wasn't for double-standards, Liberals would have no standards at all. -- Texas Eagle)
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To: Charles Henrickson

The give and take here matched DU (without the cussing).


6 posted on 10/18/2009 7:17:07 PM PDT by freedumb2003 (Communism comes to America: 1/20/2009. Keep your powder dry, folks. Sic semper tyrannis)
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To: Charles Henrickson
YAY! I love masturbatory indignation!

I suspected as much.

7 posted on 10/18/2009 7:17:49 PM PDT by Texas Eagle (If it wasn't for double-standards, Liberals would have no standards at all. -- Texas Eagle)
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To: Charles Henrickson
YAY! I love masturbatory indignation!

LOL, I should remember that one.

8 posted on 10/18/2009 7:20:15 PM PDT by Victoria Delsoul
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To: Charles Henrickson

Top Ten!!!!


9 posted on 10/18/2009 7:20:22 PM PDT by Mercat (Reluctant glenbeckian)
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To: Charles Henrickson
Anyone with half a brain could have determined that the kid wasn't in the balloon after 10 seconds of video.

Using that math, anyone with a quarter of a brain could've determined that the kid wasn't in the balloon in 5 seconds.

Anyone with less than a quarter of a brain would still be the smartest person on DU.

10 posted on 10/18/2009 7:21:13 PM PDT by Texas Eagle (If it wasn't for double-standards, Liberals would have no standards at all. -- Texas Eagle)
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To: Charles Henrickson

It was a hoax. The problem is that most people had no idea how big the balloon was. If they had known it was so small, more people would have been yelling BS.

The MSM was ready to give them the benefit of the doubt even after the boy said “we did it for the show”. Which just shows how stupid the media is.


11 posted on 10/18/2009 7:23:18 PM PDT by GeronL (They Made It Happen On Purpose Economically. MIHOPE)
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To: Charles Henrickson

Very nice as usual with the song, but given the involvement of a passenger balloon I would’ve thought it’d be done by the Von Trapdoor Family singers...


12 posted on 10/18/2009 7:23:36 PM PDT by mikrofon (The Sound of Mucus)
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To: Charles Henrickson
...somehow the Heene's will make money from this hoax.

How? By selling the carbon credits contained within the balloon?

13 posted on 10/18/2009 7:24:49 PM PDT by Texas Eagle (If it wasn't for double-standards, Liberals would have no standards at all. -- Texas Eagle)
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To: Charles Henrickson
I am not convinced this was a hoax yet.

I've got some carbon credits I can sell you. Real cheap. I know this guy....

14 posted on 10/18/2009 7:27:56 PM PDT by Texas Eagle (If it wasn't for double-standards, Liberals would have no standards at all. -- Texas Eagle)
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To: Charles Henrickson
I am not convinced this was a hoax yet.

Spoken like a true DUmmy!

15 posted on 10/18/2009 7:27:56 PM PDT by rdl6989 (January 20, 2013 The end of an error.)
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To: Charles Henrickson
They were all upset that they didn't get to drool in front of the TV watching another 0bama speech. Must be a conspiracy by Fox and the rest of the news networks to keep people from getting their daily indoctrination fix. They might slip out of the trance if the don't hear their master's voice.
16 posted on 10/18/2009 7:28:34 PM PDT by eggman (Obama's Spread the Wealth will work just as well as Spread the Liabilities (sub-prime mortgages))
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To: Charles Henrickson
they will be on Larry King soon

I thought you said they were publicity hounds.

17 posted on 10/18/2009 7:29:20 PM PDT by Texas Eagle (If it wasn't for double-standards, Liberals would have no standards at all. -- Texas Eagle)
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To: Texas Eagle
YAY! I love masturbatory indignation!

Ben Burch sure has a lot of accounts at DU.

18 posted on 10/18/2009 7:29:24 PM PDT by rdl6989 (January 20, 2013 The end of an error.)
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To: Charles Henrickson
Math and physics told me (and many others) that this was BS from the get-go.

And I can prove it usually simple geometric logic. We'll measure the strawberrys now and compare that to the amount....

19 posted on 10/18/2009 7:30:40 PM PDT by FDNYRHEROES (In just His first 3 days, the War on Terror became the War on Free Speech.)
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To: Charles Henrickson
knocking off the President of the USA from live coverage to show what amounts to one of the biggest farces of the decade

If it go the O's countenance off the tube for awhile, I'd argue for leniency...

20 posted on 10/18/2009 7:31:11 PM PDT by mikrofon (Case dismissed in the interests of Justice)
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To: Charles Henrickson
Obama is not as important to the media as are fake flying balloons

Well, to be fair to the media, the balloon WAS real.

21 posted on 10/18/2009 7:33:12 PM PDT by Texas Eagle (If it wasn't for double-standards, Liberals would have no standards at all. -- Texas Eagle)
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To: Texas Eagle

How many helium filled condoms would it take to lift a 15 kilogram child?


22 posted on 10/18/2009 7:33:50 PM PDT by SWAMPSNIPER (THE SECOND AMENDMENT, A MATTER OF FACT, NOT A MATTER OF OPINION)
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To: Charles Henrickson
They'll get a trial like anyone else.

You mean like Timothy Geithner? Charles Rangel? Valerie Jarrett?

23 posted on 10/18/2009 7:35:18 PM PDT by Texas Eagle (If it wasn't for double-standards, Liberals would have no standards at all. -- Texas Eagle)
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To: SWAMPSNIPER
How many helium filled condoms would it take to lift a 15 kilogram child?

And, for extra credit, what can you do to help Barack Hussein Obama pass his agenda?

24 posted on 10/18/2009 7:37:45 PM PDT by Texas Eagle (If it wasn't for double-standards, Liberals would have no standards at all. -- Texas Eagle)
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To: Charles Henrickson

Just when isn’t Obama giving a speech or have his mug on the television. 24/7.


25 posted on 10/18/2009 7:43:40 PM PDT by VeniVidiVici (Hey Obama. Where is Osama Bin Laden?)
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To: Charles Henrickson
What a freakin' dumbed down country we have become.

Thank a teachers' Union.

26 posted on 10/18/2009 7:44:07 PM PDT by Texas Eagle (If it wasn't for double-standards, Liberals would have no standards at all. -- Texas Eagle)
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To: Charles Henrickson

Ballon man, ballon man, can do anything a balloon can...


27 posted on 10/18/2009 7:46:10 PM PDT by Army Air Corps (Four fried chickens and a coke)
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To: Charles Henrickson
You guys still haven't firgured this out yet? very disappointing, makes me sad. See if you can follow this: Do the simple physics. Do the simple math. Do a simple observation. Figured it out yet? Okay- a little clue: Ever had a HELIUM BALLOON as a kid? Ever tried to lift something with it heavier than an ounce or so? Figured it out yet? Clue #2: Figure the VOLUME of the Balloon. Roughly 15 feet in diameter, 3-5 feet thick at the center, tapering to the sides. Use the formula for the volume of an ellipsoid (you can find that using Google.) Depending on how generous you want to be with the height and radius values the volume comes out to be between 200 to 300 cubic feet of helium. Got it yet? How much does a 6 year old boy WEIGH? Answer: normally 40 something pounds. Got it?

Uhhhhh......no.

Run that by me again?

28 posted on 10/18/2009 7:46:31 PM PDT by Texas Eagle (If it wasn't for double-standards, Liberals would have no standards at all. -- Texas Eagle)
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To: Army Air Corps

Ballon = balloon

Blasted typos...


29 posted on 10/18/2009 7:47:22 PM PDT by Army Air Corps (Four fried chickens and a coke)
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To: Victoria Delsoul

Use that phrase in conversation...


30 posted on 10/18/2009 7:48:55 PM PDT by Army Air Corps (Four fried chickens and a coke)
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To: Charles Henrickson
They launched the thing during President Obama's speech

Oh, the huge manatee!

Now we'll NEVER know what he said!

31 posted on 10/18/2009 7:49:06 PM PDT by Texas Eagle (If it wasn't for double-standards, Liberals would have no standards at all. -- Texas Eagle)
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To: Charles Henrickson; PJ-Comix
The Jiffy Pop look a like balloon could not support the boy's weight.

[If he hadn't eaten all that Jiffy Pop, he wouldn't be such a tubbo.]

That made me VERY hungry for popcorn....

....and I'll share!

32 posted on 10/18/2009 7:49:28 PM PDT by LUV W (2010 is Conservatives' to win....or lose. So....LET'S WIN!!)
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To: mikrofon; PJ-Comix
If it got the O's countenance off the tube for awhile, I'd argue for leniency.

Heck, I'd give 'em a medal!

33 posted on 10/18/2009 7:50:28 PM PDT by Charles Henrickson (Hal the Teleprompter is deeply saddened..)
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To: Charles Henrickson
I'm hoping that science teachers everywhere will take the opportunity tomorrow to teach a little bit of physics to their students.

Oh, my gosh. That would be like the worst sexual experience ever.

34 posted on 10/18/2009 7:51:20 PM PDT by Texas Eagle (If it wasn't for double-standards, Liberals would have no standards at all. -- Texas Eagle)
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To: Charles Henrickson
I think it was staged. Coreographed.

MIHOP! MIHOP!
35 posted on 10/18/2009 7:51:47 PM PDT by Army Air Corps (Four fried chickens and a coke)
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To: Army Air Corps

I’ll do my best.


36 posted on 10/18/2009 7:54:55 PM PDT by Victoria Delsoul
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To: mikrofon

Only a DUmmie could get away with uttering the words “knocking off the President of the USA” without invoking the wrath of the SS.....oops!


37 posted on 10/18/2009 8:01:25 PM PDT by rockrr (Everything is different now...)
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To: Charles Henrickson

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

"Imma let you finish, but ya'll, Beyonce had the best Fake UFO Kid Balloon of all time!"

38 posted on 10/18/2009 8:57:23 PM PDT by txroadkill ( 9/12/2009 another win for the Gipper!)
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To: Charles Henrickson

Wait, what about the Pitt wedding DUFU??!?! Oh, wait...you answered that.


39 posted on 10/18/2009 10:45:50 PM PDT by Purrcival (Proud to share my birthday with President Reagan)
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To: FDNYRHEROES

The Mythbusters did one segment about the possibility of lifting someone by helium filled balloons. It took thousands of balloons for them to lift one small girl a few feet off the ground. And even then she didn’t float away.


40 posted on 10/19/2009 3:01:15 AM PDT by driftless2 (for long term happiness, learn how to play the accordion)
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To: driftless2
Missed that Mythbusters segment, but I was near Los Angeles when one man launched himself high over the city with only 45 helium balloons:

True Story

41 posted on 10/19/2009 3:28:04 AM PDT by RightField (A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.)
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To: RightField

The MBs were testing the myth as seen in a Mr. Bean movie where a kid was taken hundreds of feet up into the air by about six or eight helium filled balloons. It literally took them thousands of ballons to lift one forty pound (if that) small girl a few feet off the ground.


42 posted on 10/19/2009 3:31:10 AM PDT by driftless2 (for long term happiness, learn how to play the accordion)
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To: Charles Henrickson
You stay up waaaaaayyyy too late.

plus, Da Bears were on 'tee vee' (/s).
$#@& ... &^$#@ ... *&$#@ defense. (not sarc)

43 posted on 10/19/2009 4:57:10 AM PDT by Condor51 (The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits)
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To: Charles Henrickson
What a freakin' dumbed down country we have become.

You say 'we' Kemo Sabe. I say 'you'.

44 posted on 10/19/2009 6:00:57 AM PDT by bcsco (Hopey changey down the drainey...)
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To: Charles Henrickson

When does Richard Heene become the Obama Science Czar? Also what is his DUmmie screen name? He must be a DUmmie to believe that he could pull off this hoax without getting caught.


45 posted on 10/19/2009 6:28:47 AM PDT by PJ-Comix ("They spent a trillion dollars on a guess?" ---Astute DUmmie observation)
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To: Charles Henrickson

You should find a group of singers in the St. Louis area and post this parody song to YouTube.


46 posted on 10/19/2009 6:58:45 AM PDT by PJ-Comix ("They spent a trillion dollars on a guess?" ---Astute DUmmie observation)
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To: Charles Henrickson
Well, it looks as though collusion on this stunt goes back months: Sheriff: Balloon boy hoax may have conspirators.

"We certainly know that there's a conspiracy between the husband and wife, you've probably seen some of the e-mails and some of the things on the Internet suggesting that there may be other conspirators," Alderden said.

Alderden said documents show that a media outlet has agreed to pay money to the Heenes with regard to the balloon incident. Alderden didn't name the media outlet but said it was a show that blurs "the line between entertainment and news."

These people themselves are DU material...

47 posted on 10/19/2009 7:11:58 AM PDT by bcsco (Hopey changey down the drainey...)
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To: PJ-Comix
When does Richard Heene become the Obama Science Czar? Also what is his DUmmie screen name? He must be a DUmmie to believe that he could pull off this hoax without getting caught.

Check out my post #47.

48 posted on 10/19/2009 7:13:17 AM PDT by bcsco (Hopey changey down the drainey...)
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To: Charles Henrickson

Wai, wait, wait, you’re telling me that William Rivers Pitt, THE William Rivers Pitt, tricked some unfortunate soul into spending the rest of her life with him? Isn’t that a violation of that person’s civil rights?


49 posted on 10/19/2009 8:16:27 AM PDT by WinOne4TheGipper (Now fully qualified to receive the Nobel Peace Prize!)
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To: Charles Henrickson

50 posted on 10/19/2009 8:22:51 AM PDT by Roscoe Karns
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