Posted on 03/06/2012 5:51:19 AM PST by GeorgiaDawg32
(Washington, D.C. - 3-6-12) With voting underway on Super Tuesday and the Republican Presidential hopefuls going toe to toe for votes, the RNC and the media have announced, preliminarily, Mitt Romney the big winner in the primaries.
Said an anonymous spokesman:
“While we realize it's early, it's clear the voters want and need Mitt Romney. We really don't need to wait to actually count the votes to determine a winner. Much like Iowa, Maine and Michigan, the public fully believes he won those races even though he didn't. He is the best of the bunch when it comes to conservative ideas, electability, and compassion. His embracing Obamacare shows he's truly the one to continue to provide healthcare for all.”
“He has promised to seriously consider contraception and backs the current administration policy of forcing religious institutions to provide abortion and contraception in it's insurance policies.”
“If, for some unknown reason, it turns out he loses, we'll gladly print a retraction on page 47 of your local newspaper, below the fold, next to the obituaries. No one will see it, and we're confident the media will keep it quiet, but the perception will be there. As we all know, perception is reality in politics.”
Developing..
“Not only did Romney win Super Tuesday, but he was also rated by establishment republicans as the most conservative candidate” said Karl Rove in an interview.
Heh..
Blah blah blah.
RNC Romney FUD.
I’ve dumped the RNC..they do not speak for me.
Go NEWT!
Well I guess the edict has been give. I suppose we must all comply. Except I’m voting for Newt and there’s not a damn thing they can do about it (unless the extreme elderly workers at the polls have been instructed to destroy all non-Romney votes)!
If this wasn’t marked “satire,” I’d believe it as truth.
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