Posted on 11/27/2014 4:48:48 AM PST by Kartographer
Up early just put the turkey in the over well basted with Sam Adams Winter Lager (The turkey is well basted not me!) So I thought I start a fun thread for bad turkey jokes and fun stories about your turkey cooking disasters and triumphs.
To start things off:
"Why did the turkey cross the road?"
"Because it was the chickens day off!"
Wife cooked 2 pumpkins pies on a thin cheap pan...pan heated up and twisted in oven showering the over with mixed pumpkin paste...oh the smell of burning pumpkin!
This all occurring while we were getting a new double door installed - as the other one was basic and cheap in the house we bought new in 2006...they had to replace the floor back to the first floor joist... with plastic up, sawing going, and tile being chipped up...
Then I have to re-clean the entire kitchen - just in case of the thin dust floating in & out - before I start a layered punch bowl cake...family is showing up - I’m out getting supplies as is EVERYONE ELSE - and trying to pick up pizza...
Yeah - never schedule everything at once - and buy your supplies weeks before making them...
Woke up early - drinking some coffee (actually four espressos in 1 cup)...and trying to get over to grandma’s house for Thanksgiving....
I shot my first turkey the other day. Unfortunately it upset everybody in the frozen food section.
hosted family and friends a few years ago - lot of folks - total of three turkeys. I was going to fry one - first time ever. Had the thing all set up - one of those units with a grill propane tank connected - warming up the grease....but the day was extraordinarily windy for some reason.
While the fryer was warming up outside, we were inside. Glanced out, and the hose from the tank to the burner was ON FIRE. I didn’t know whether to duck for the explosion of the propane tank or try and stop it. Couple of us finally rushed out there and put out the fire. Who knows how close to disaster we were.
Wife never allowed me to try and fry one again.
I hope the jokes get batter as the thread goes on
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNh5W491l3M
Happy Thanksgiving - Turkey Drop
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PeCGURWzjwE&spfreload=10
WKRP “Turkey’s Away”
Back in the 90’s I actually had a ‘Planes, Trains and Automobiles’ day with a Del Griffith like Character. I REALLY wanted to bring him back home with me just so I could tell my wife this great quote:
“Honey,I’d like you to meet Del Griffith, he’s got some amusing anecodotes for you. Oh and here’s a gun so you can blow your brains out. You’ll thank me for it.”
Hahaha, everyone knows you don’t put a turkey in the dryer without a towel to dampen the noise.
I shot my first turkey yesterday..........Every one else in frozen foods FREAKED OUT!
UH OH!! Should have read comments before posting my own!
All time favorite. “I swear I thought Turkeys could fly.”
Saw this today...
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift.
The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried tochange the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to ‘clean up’ the bird’s vocabulary...
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot.
The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.
For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet.
Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and said “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.”
John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude.
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly, “May I ask what the turkey did?”
When I was a college freshman, I couldn’t afford to go home for Thanksgiving. Being somewhat homesick, the few of us left in the frat house decided to prepare a home-cooked Thanksgiving dinner and we decided to go all-out and include homemade bread. I was appointed bread chef. Not having made bread before, I was pretty clueless and, of course, back in ‘69 there was no Internet to turn to for advice.
I whipped up the bread dough recipe after figuring out the “knead” part pretty well and popped it in the oven. Being a rube, I didn’t understand technical terms like “yeast,” “rise,” “rest,” and “punch-down.” After 30 minutes, we had platefuls of hot glop from the oven! I think we resorted to Wonder bread after that failure.
Many years ago I forgot to thaw the 22 lb turkey.
I left it in the store plastic, wrapped it in two more plastic bags and threw it in the hot tub at 103 degrees. It was thawed in a very short time!
Friend of mine was on his way back from deer hunting right at dusk when he saw a turkey land in a hemlock tree. He shot it and stuffed it in the back of his hunting coat pouch to hide it as they were not in season.
Upon arriving back at the cabin, he pulled it out to show the other guys....
He had shot a turkey buzzard!!! Not a turkey.
Oldie, but goodie.
Cousin Reginald catches the Thanksgiving Turkey
http://www.flickr.com/photos/dok1/9214761429/
My very elderly dad, while talking the other day about what would be on the ‘groaning board’ today, asked if we were having that “cheesy” dish. I was thinking about everything: stuffing, turkey, corn pudding, mashed potatoes, sweet potato casserole, green bean casserole, cranberry jello salad .... and could not think of anything with cheese and I told him as much. He kept trying to remember what it was called & was getting frustrated, then started laughing a little and said “mom used to make it - it had cheese and ... and ... (taking forefinger/thumb & holding them about an inch apart) little WORM things in it”. Oh dad, you mean macaroni & cheese .... and he was then smiling, yes that was it. So today, I am making “Little Worm Things & Cheese” with a saltine cracker topping for him, as close to what his mom used to make as I can remember. Happy Thanksgiving, all. :-)
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