Posted on 07/31/2006 11:28:23 AM PDT by Muzzle_em
I've always done everything on my own time-table, including waiting until after age 30 to get married. My husband and I remained childless and planned to never be parents, but now in my early 40's I'm feeling differently. I also am blessed in that I would be able to stay at home with the baby.
For every story I've heard about age-related fertility issues, I've also heard of yet another couple who thought they couldn't get pregnant, didn't worry about birth control, and got a nice little surprise.
I would like to hear from Freepers who have become parents either again or for the first time after age 40. Is it easier to parent or more difficult? Are you enjoying it more? Did doctors try to push you into trying IVF?
Just remember - you will be pushing 60 when the the kids are in the teens - Stay in shape!
My son was 18 when his mom announced that he was going to have a baby sister; come November, just about on my daughter's 23rd birthday, she is going to have a baby boy.
I wouldn't trade the experience for anything; not even the life of a rich man or a spoiled brat celebrity.
The biggest difference the second time around is that you've lost your fear; they're not breakable like fine china and they're not disposable like the diapers they come wrapped in -- if you can manage to balance the difference between those two concepts you'll have the time of your life.
The only thing I would say is: if you find you cannot become pregnant and before spending thousands on ivf - please consider adopting - there are so many children who need a loving home and a chance at a good life.
I got pregnant the old fashioned way at 40 and had a healthy baby. I got pregnant the same way at 42, but miscarried. The Doc said 'no more babies for me'. I have four children. Three were born between 35 and 42. Good luck! Also, a girl I work with had a surrogate Mother-very expensive, but she has a beautiful baby. donated eggs and husband's sperm. This girl had a complete hysterectomy in her 30's
That said, I absolutely adore my kids, makes anything I ever did, or ever felt, pale in comparison. And at my age, I'd hope that the greater wisdom I have will help me raise them better than I might have when I was younger (I was a liberal at one time... I shudder at the thought).
When I went to childbirth classes, I met a couple whose children were in college and they were pregnant with an oops child. And they were completely as excited as the rest of us. I wanted a child into my 40's, but hubby wouldn't let me. I'll regret it till the day I die. If you and your husband agree and you get a thorough physical checkup and an ok by your doctor, then go for it if you want. Yes, you'll be older and may feell different around other parents. But more women are doing that, so you won't be the only one. Don't listen to the naysayers if it's what you and your husband want to do.
i was 24, 30 and 36 (ok, not quite 40) when we had our kiddos.
i gained amazing amounts of weight with the first, blew up
like a balloon, and had terrible blood pressure problems. it
was pretty tough delivering that 10 pounder too. the second
squirt (lucky me he was only 6lb 5 oz!) was induced a month
early because of decreasing amniotic fluids. honestly, our
last, at 36!, was by far the easiest of the three.
at 41, if its gods will we have a fourth, we will be thrilled.
hey, might even be easier than the last one was! :D
good luck to you!
Just as a side note, I would love to have about 3 or 4 more, but at 50 it is time to stop me thinks.....
The main reason she worries is that other women who have already had children can't help but offer her advice like "I couldn't imagine having children after 30!". Needless to say, everytime someone offers those sort of opinions it makes my life miserable because it depresses my wife. I'd appreciate any words of wisdom or advice that I could pass on to her when these harpies voice their unsolicited opinions.
You might want to check out the yahoo group GAARP (gracefully aging adoptive refined parents) for discussions of parenting young kids after 40.
And good luck on conceiving, even with IVF (and donor egg at this point). The odds are pretty slim in your 40's without significant intervention or without great blessed good fortune (and maybe good genes from a family of woemn that bore children late in life). In your 40's most doctors will tell you not to wait too long to seek fertility assistance if you are actively trying and not succeeding. One of the great myths of the woman's movement is about being able to have it all when YOU think it's time. Nature often has other plans for our body than what we want
Tell her not to listen to the old biddies.
We married fairly young, but waited five years to be sure we were financially stable.
I started at 27, and just had my fourth and last(?)one at 37.
You will do fine.
I try, but it seems it's almost a weekly thing that someone says things like that to her. We're trying to do the same (getting finacially stable) by getting into a house and are going to try to let her be a stay at home mom. Which is no easy feat, but we're going to make it work.
My grandmother was 18 when she had her first child and 44 when she had her last.
I will not use IVF.
To me, the odds do not justify the cost and aggravation.
We are just thinking of trying the good old fashioned way and leaving it up to God.
"Just remember - you will be pushing 60 when the the kids are in the teens - Stay in shape!"
60's not all that old, really, if you think about it. But you have to think about it. Most people in their 60s are doing just fine.
Ping to look at later. Glad there are so many positive responses on this thread.
That's excellent advice, and it is exactly what we did. Thanks to God, I can hear my precious kids giggling as I type this.
That's up to you, but please....do not blame God if you end up childless. Too many orphaned and abandoned kids in this world need parents.
Not to be morbid - but I have had three neighbors - all in their 60s - die in the last year.
I had my daughter when I was 24...I am now 44 and raising my grandson who is 14 months old. I definitely see the benefit in waiting till your older to have children...seems I have much more patience and "wisdom" now. LOL
Five years ago my wife and I adopted a beautiful baby girl. She was one day old. Her birth mother was 15 at the time.
Now we have a lovely and rambunctious five-year old. My wife and I tried for 11 years, but because of her medical problems, we couldn't have a child. We cherish this little girl even more because of that.
There are times when I want to put my head through the wall. That's to be expected with a 5 year old. But the good times outweigh the bad. Like this past spring when our daughter caught her first fish!!! Watching her get so smart, she sees road signs and asks what they spell.
The hardest part for me has been because I'm selfish. I have to share my wife's love and that's been hard.
I forgot to say that I'm 47 and my wife is 42.
We had two children when my wife was in her late twenties, than two more when she was in her early 40s. Each and every one of them is a blessing. Having and homeschooling them has been the single most important (and rewarding) thing I've done with my life. Nothing compares.
Most people think I'm 20 years younger than I am. Parenting will age you or keep you young! It's up to you.
Every minute has been a joy. Stayed at home, thought I'd lose my mind at times, but looking back, I wouldn't change a thing.
Do find time for dates with hubby tho.
It's both the hardest job and the most fun you'll ever have.
It's the new 30, or so I've heard...not yet having attained that age!
I was 17 when my dad and his wife had an OOPS baby. My dad LOVED it. He enjoyed every single thing about it. In your fourties you really have life on a string...financially and emotionally and he would have told you that, of everything, having my little brother was the greatest!
"It's the new 30, or so I've heard...not yet having attained that age!"
Nah...it's the new 50. I just turned 61 this weekend.
My sister in law and brother just had their first on 24 July 2006 after almost 8 years of marriage (in November). They are both 35. Tell those nosey body beeches to mind their own business or tell them to go to hell. What right do they have expressing that opinion for. She should say we'll I don't know about over 30, but I don't think you should have had children at all. What nonsense your wife must put up from people. I might have gone overboard, but that really pisses me off....lol.
Life is what you make of it. If the doc hadn't discouraged me from having more children aftr 40 I would have had another one or two.
I'm sixty. I had my son at 38 and my daughter at almost 41. It would have been better to have had them earlier when I had more energy, but what I cannot imagine is being sixty and never having had children.
That's what I'm wondering, where are all these beeches coming from? LOL
It makes me want to go up to her office and clean house sometimes. My wife is slim and very pretty and alot of times I think her coworkers do things like that to keep her down.
"Just remember - you will be pushing 60 when the the kids are in the teens - Stay in shape!"
Yep. My mom was 42 and my dad was 49 when I was born. Everyone asked if I was his grandson. I grew up quickly and became self reliant.
They have both been gone a loooong time. The loss may have helped me to be independent, but I still miss them both.
I don't know where you live, but you're wife is the perfect age to be mother. In our large extended family -- spread out over the U.S. -- that's about the average age of first parenthood, and they're all doing just great. Good luck!
I had my first daughter at age 19 and my second at age 35. The younger one is now 14.
The hardest part is dealing with the sulky, moody teen years again. The good news is that I know that this too shall pass, and in the end I'll have a wonderful, loving actual human who will talk to me! Grow your own best friends :-)
And this one won't borrow all my clothes. I'm slim and fit and dress well, but the age difference is too great.
My cousin adopted a baby when she was 50. She's 65 now an she says it was the best thing she's ever done in her life. Good luck to you.
I say go for it. Who cares how old you are? Keep yourself healthy, exercise, eat good food without junk and pesticides, pray, meditate,etc. This world needs happy children.
My wife and I are 59 and are raising 2 G-children ages 9 and 7- challenging to say the least.
I was 35 and my husband was 38 when our first and only daughter was born. We had been married for 13 years when she arrived.
To describe her a 'spoiled' would be an understatement - however - being older (and wiser) we have not raised her to be a socialist/liberal as we might have done if we had her in our 20s.
Tell your wife to practice ignoring all of the know-it-all busy bodies that she will encounter. If I had listened to half of their 'advice' - I would have lost my mind.
Beware of those teen years though - right now she is 17 years old - and is at the mall, in my car, with my checkbook, spending her Dad's money!
One small piece of advice though - get a hot tub, because you may think young, but your old sports injuries will be back to say howdy!
Having kids later in life seemed to work out fine for them. My only regret was that I lost them when I was still relatively young. It did make me grow up and take on a lot more responsibility than I wanted to at that age.
Experiencing what I went through, I had my kids young and am looking at the last one leaving home before I get to retirement. Heck, I'm even enjoying my first grandson now! Good Lord willing, I'll have another couple decades to enjoy them.
I'm 48, my daughter is 16 months. She is my joy. I have three grandchildren, 7, 5, 2 YO. Sometimes I think its rediculous that their aunt is younger than them. I'm enjoying her more, I think, than my older kids. Although at the end of my day my feet are complaining. Maybe she will regret that dad isn't a little younger. OTOH, life beats non-existence.
I'm SURE you nailed the reason for their negativity right there! :-)
Women should encourage each other, not snipe and compete with each other!
LOL!
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