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(Vanity) The Gospel of Matthews Chapter 5:1-20, or, The Barackitudes
grey_whiskers ^ | 2-22-2009 | grey_whiskers

Posted on 02/22/2009 6:27:10 AM PST by grey_whiskers

1 When Hussein saw the crowds, he went up to the podium; and after he sat down, his disciples in the press came to him.

2 Then he began to speak, and did teach them, saying:

3 ‘Blessed are the working families, for theirs are the 95% tax cuts.

4 ‘Blessed are those who were ashamed of their country, for they will be comforted.

5 ‘Blessed are the Unions, for they will inherit the earth.

6 ‘Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for stimulus, for they will be filled.

7 ‘Blessed are the tax evaders, for they will receive mercy and a Cabinet position.

8 ‘Blessed are the bleeding of heart, for they will see God.

9 ‘Blessed are the terrorists, for they will be released from Gitmo.

10 ‘Blessed are those who are persecuted for Islam’s sake, for I shall stand with them, should the political winds blow that way.

11 ‘Blessed are you when people revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account.

12 'Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in Washington, for in the same way those in Talk Radio persecuted the Democrats who were before you.

13 ‘You are the acorns of the earth; but if an acorn has lost its nuts, how can its nuttiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything, but is thrown out and trampled under foot.

14 ‘You are the light of the world. The light of the press cannot be hidden.

15 'No one after lighting a joint puts it under the bushel basket, but instead passes it to their friends, and it gives peace and understanding to all in the house.

16 'In the same way, help my light shine before others, so that they may see my good works and give glory to our Fellow Progressives.

17 ‘Do not think that I have come to abolish the law, the New Deal, or Civil Rights; I have come not to abolish but to fulfil.

18 'For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth pass away, not one letter, not one stroke of a letter, will pass from the law unless I command. I won.

19 'Therefore, whoever breaks one of the least of these regulations, and teaches others to do the same, will be called least in the kingdom of Washington, and he will be assigned a place with the Republicans; but whoever does them and teaches them will be called great in the kingdom of Washington.

20 'For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the Reids and Pelosis, you will never enter the kingdom of Washington.


TOPICS: Conspiracy; History; Humor; Religion
KEYWORDS: barackobama; bho; bho2009; bho44; first100days; gospelofbarack; hopeychangey; hussein; obama; obamessiah; religion; satire; theone; whiskersvanity
Cheers!
1 posted on 02/22/2009 6:27:10 AM PST by grey_whiskers
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To: grey_whiskers
Unfortunatly you got it about right. It is a religion to these people. I like the press as deciples at Obamas feet. Perfect.
2 posted on 02/22/2009 6:35:22 AM PST by screaminsunshine (f)
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To: grey_whiskers

Too borderline sacrilegious for me to pass it along,
But I do confess to snickering. :)


3 posted on 02/22/2009 6:36:26 AM PST by labette ( Humble student of Thinkology)
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To: grey_whiskers

That’s great!

But for #7 I suggest “Tax Cheats” instead.


4 posted on 02/22/2009 6:46:29 AM PST by Vesuvian ((insert something witty here))
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To: grey_whiskers

AWESOME! Can I pass this along?


5 posted on 02/22/2009 6:47:26 AM PST by Lusis ("Underlying most arguments against the free market is a lack of belief in freedom itself.")
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To: Lusis
Feel free!

Also (shameless plug, though out-of-date), check out this.

Cheers!

6 posted on 02/22/2009 6:52:00 AM PST by grey_whiskers (The opinions are solely those of the author and are subject to change without notice.)
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To: screaminsunshine
It is a religion to these people.

Oh that is unquestionably true. I've worked around liberals most of my life and that is exactly how they view it, which explains why there is no reasoning with them. Government is all wise in their minds.

7 posted on 02/22/2009 7:15:35 AM PST by Starboard
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To: grey_whiskers

marking my place


8 posted on 02/22/2009 7:40:31 AM PST by sweet_diane (embracing Him)
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To: grey_whiskers

Now that’s funny. If it weren’t so true, it would be even funnier.


9 posted on 02/22/2009 7:45:15 AM PST by Uncle Chip (TRUTH : Ignore it. Deride it. Allegorize it. Interpret it. But you can't ESCAPE it.)
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To: grey_whiskers; ExTexasRedhead

Very good!


10 posted on 02/22/2009 8:03:36 AM PST by SouthTexas (Can I have my house back that I lost in the 80s????)
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To: SouthTexas
Thanks! ('Twas my wife's idea, I only mangled it.)

Cheers!

11 posted on 02/22/2009 8:36:11 AM PST by grey_whiskers (The opinions are solely those of the author and are subject to change without notice.)
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To: hinckley buzzard; ETL; LucyT; nathanbedford; SunkenCiv
Shameless self-promotion *PING*. (Not hiding under a bushel.)

Cheers!

12 posted on 02/22/2009 8:37:07 AM PST by grey_whiskers (The opinions are solely those of the author and are subject to change without notice.)
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To: grey_whiskers

Please pass along my compliments. ;)


13 posted on 02/22/2009 8:52:57 AM PST by SouthTexas (Can I have my house back that I lost in the 80s????)
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To: grey_whiskers; windcliff; onedoug

Awesome! #18 really gave me the lol’s!


14 posted on 02/22/2009 9:52:36 AM PST by stylecouncilor (The black man is keeping me down!)
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To: grey_whiskers

I think ‘The Five Pillars of 0bamislam’ would be more appropriate;

1. Fasting during the holy month of 0bamadan (November, when he won)
2. Mandatory paying of 50% of your income in taxes
3. Prayer to The One 5 times a day
4. Profession of faith; “There is no President but 0bama, and Biden is his Vice President”
5. Mandatory pilgramage to Washington on January 20 sometime between 2009 and 2012


15 posted on 02/22/2009 5:50:26 PM PST by G8 Diplomat (Kafira Amrikiyyah!)
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To: G8 Diplomat
LOL! That's the great thing about being a FReeper, no matter what you post, someone always improves on your idea. :-)

...and in that vein, may I suggest for #4, the alternative ending, "...and Olbermann is his prophet."

Cheers!

16 posted on 02/22/2009 5:54:24 PM PST by grey_whiskers (The opinions are solely those of the author and are subject to change without notice.)
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To: grey_whiskers

Your suggestion for #4...I like it!

Good one :)


17 posted on 02/22/2009 6:42:28 PM PST by G8 Diplomat (Kafira Amrikiyyah!)
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To: grey_whiskers

;’)


18 posted on 02/22/2009 7:10:18 PM PST by SunkenCiv (https://secure.freerepublic.com/donate/____________________ Profile updated Monday, January 12, 2009)
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To: grey_whiskers


If only the bozos in D.C. were good shepherds, or even good stewards.
Almost all of them are just plain rotten
19 posted on 02/27/2009 9:50:55 AM PST by FreedomOfExpression
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To: freedumb2003
Sorry for resurrecting my own thread.

But I came across this picture on your FReeper homepage and just *HAD* to add it.

Cheers!

Cheers!

20 posted on 03/20/2009 5:18:15 PM PDT by grey_whiskers (The opinions are solely those of the author and are subject to change without notice.)
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To: grey_whiskers

Well, now the left has to admit that the TOTUS isn’t Jesus.

Jesus could build a cabinet.


21 posted on 03/20/2009 5:44:24 PM PDT by freedumb2003 (Communism comes to America: 1/20/2009. Keep your powder dry, folks.)
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To: freedumb2003
LOL!
22 posted on 03/20/2009 8:07:09 PM PDT by grey_whiskers (The opinions are solely those of the author and are subject to change without notice.)
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