Posted on 06/09/2009 8:49:48 PM PDT by Jeliota
An American, a Japanese and a Canadian were sitting naked in a sauna when suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm, and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. “That was my pager he said. “I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.”
(Excerpt) Read more at funnyemail.org ...
Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day.
As they walk, they come across a sign:
“Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world.”
“I am entering!” said Snow White.
After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, “Well, how’ d you do?”
“First Place!,” said Snow White.
They continue walking and they see a sign:
“Contest for the strongest man in the world.”
“I’m entering,” says Superman.
After half an hour, he returns and they ask him, “How did you make out?”
“First Place,” answers Superman. “Did you ever doubt?”
They continue walking when they see a sign:
“Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?”
“I’m entering,” says Pinocchio.
After half an hour he returns with tears in his eyes.
“What happened?” they asked.
“Who the hell is Nancy Pelosi? “ asked Pinocchio.
It is pretty funny. We need some “funny stuff” these days.
ROTFLMAO.
A DEA agent, together with an ATF and a FBI agent, as part of a task force, arrive at a ranch in western Nebraska.
The agents tell the rancher, “We need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.”
The old rancher says, “Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.”
The DEA agent explodes saying, “Mister, we have the authority of the Federal Government with us.”
Reaching into his rear pocket and removing his badge, the agent proudly displays it to the farmer.
“See this badge? This badge means we are allowed to go wherever we wish on any land. No questions asked nor answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?”
The old rancher nods politely and goes about his chores.
Later, the old rancher hears loud screams and spies the three agents running for their lives. Close behind is the rancher’s bull. With every step the bull is gaining ground on the agents. They are clearly terrified.
The old rancher immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs:
“Your badges! Show him your badges!”
lol. sweet.
lol. I’d pay to see that happen in real life. Too bad there is no way to get Pelosi in that field. Maybe congress will take over agriculture.
An excerpt requirement for email jokes? That is ridiculous. The joke might have been funny, but I’m not going to click out to another site just to find out.
It was funny.
Glad to hear it. Too bad it couldn’t simply be posted in its entirety on the thread.
A male ATF agent meets a female Transportation Safety Administration employee at the airport.
He looks into her empty eyes - and it is love at first sight.
They marry and she is home on maternity leave when Mr. ATF comes home unexpectedly, walks into the kitchen and realizes MRS TSA has made chocolate chip cookies.
Since no cookies are in sight, anywhere in the kitchen, how did he know she had made those cookies?
Answer: He saw all the empty M&M shells on the counter.
You missed the punchline... :-)
An American, a Japanese and a Canadian were sitting naked in a sauna when suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm, and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. “That was my pager he said. “I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.”
A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained “That was my mobile phone, I have a microchip in my hand.”
The Canadian felt decidedly low-tech, but not to be outdone, he decided he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the toilet. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his butt. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him. The Canadian finally said “Well, will you look at that! I’m getting a fax.”
And there you have it... LOL...
Two drunks walked into a bar.
Wudda thought the second drunk would have seen it coming...
Here's another one on an anus related topic:
There were three guys in a forest.
Then they were being attacked by cannibals.
The cannibals said that they wouldn’t eat them if they bring back 10 of the same fruit.
So the three guys go into the forest to get the fruit.
The first guy comes back with 10 apples.
Then the cannibals say, “Now the second thing you have to do is shove them up your anus without changing the expression on your face.”
So the guy shoves the first apple up his anus and then whinces. So the cannibals eat him.
Then the second guy comes back with 10 berries.
Then the cannibals say, “Now the second thing you have to do is shove them up your anus without changing the expression on your face.”
So the guy shoves 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8… then starts to laugh. So the cannibals eat him.
Then in heaven, the first guy says to the second guy, “Why did you laugh?! You almost had it!” Then the second guy says, “I saw the other guy coming with pineapples!”
Yes, I’ll do that from now on. I just thought people might like wandering around the site. I like jokes.
Well, my feeling is that you can’t copyright an email joke, but if people are taking the time to run a site and put them together, then I’ll send them some love no matter where I get them from.
From now on I’ll post the whole joke and do a hat tip sort of thing. Really didn’t think about it being an issue.
Have you ever heard of the Ono bird?
No?
Well the Ono bird is a rare animal that has testicles that hang down four inches below its body.
Unfortunately, its legs are only two inches long.
Everytime one lands, it screams “OH NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!”
It’s not a big issue, but I (and apparently several other FReepers) don’t like having to click out to a different site just to read the rest of an article that could have been posted in its entirety. Some sites have enjoined FR from allowing full articles to be posted so we have to post only an excerpt - or in some cases only a link. For the most part, I don’t read those articles though I will sometimes peruse the thread to get the discussion of the article.
Guy walks into a bar with a frog on his head, orders a beer. The bartender looks at the frog and says, “What’s that?”. The frog says, “I don’t know, it all started with a wart on my a**!”.
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